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04-09-07, 09:33 PM | #1 | ||||
New to RV
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1 N Only
IP: AC60 C1C9
Yo I wrote it a while back tell me what y'all think, Break it down if you want
Yo Yo Yo, Ight let me kick this shit Im A Kid from the Suburbs and Im Aware of that I aint eva kill someone wit a baseball bat Only thing I ever killed was a bird or Squirrel Sometimes I ask myself Why Im on this world Then I think and I relize Nothing but the truth Im on this world the same reason Im in this booth Its Cause of Love one thing and another In this Case it was my father and my Mother I Love Hip Hop and it’s a dream of mine I sit down and jot down every single line I read it over and then I fix it up Then I grab a beat and go and I mix it up I Wanna make it big but then again who doesn’t? Only way to make it big is if you’re a dime in dozen 110 Percent is what I put in this game And I hopin I step out with a little bit of fame Yall know Mike Jones, 50, and Cam You here there new song and your all like damn That’s not what I want, all that publicity Every Corner you turn theres the Paparazzi Trying to snap a picture getting in you head Say the wrong thing now your publicitys dead You said the wrong thing now everybody hates you Even your Girlfriend don’t wanna date you I rather stay underground and still get rich Write one good song and its like you turned on the switch Enough about me getting big let me tell you who I am Im just the little guy here trying to stick to the man Heres a little story how Big O began Me and Buddah chilen on the Stoop Started freestylin, Tried to start a group went to Lunch Boxes try to make a beat We were only rookies and we thought it sounded sweet Tried to record took a few times They were only little not full complete rhymes So started R.O.C Clan it didn’t work out We all split up, and took a different route Me and Blouns, Buddah and Ryda Lunch Box turned into an Outsider We started to colaberate getting shit Done Blaze is Gone, Legacy has Begun That is my story I hope yall liked it Like after a touchdown I think I SPIKED it! NO LINKS NO FEED!! Last edited by White Trash : 04-13-07 at 10:00 PM. |
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04-09-07, 09:54 PM | #2 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: F618 C57D
overall I could follow the story... But you need to work on not using such basic rhymes.. dead/head dam/cam route/out it just makes the verse too basic... It flows/sounds a lot better when u use multis ex. Just hop on the beats they nick name me "beat rider"/ Sonic boomin on lames like guile in "street fighter." that was just a quick example off the top of my head but its an example none the less.
Keep writing Stay up. |
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04-09-07, 10:03 PM | #3 | |||||
don't try.
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IP: 4A3D 46AB
Yea the rhyme scheme was basic..multi's would had made it flow alot better, overall this was a alrite piece, the story was decent..pretty interesting. But yea keep writin. elevate.
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Fear |
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04-10-07, 02:31 AM | #4 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 36F8 F445
i definitly agree wit those two on this piece, but i enjoyed it cause its the same place im comin from. keep doin your thing bro.
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04-11-07, 07:53 PM | #5 | ||||
..........
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IP: 1E2E CA64
same here.....good flow it was smooth...but keep working on it..... 7/10
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