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Old 04-26-04, 01:55 PM   #1
UnDeStRuCaBlE
Banned: Biting OM
 
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Insightful Salutations

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Before you say this has no real concept or meaning id advise you to read it a second time..
It is half religious and uses alot of metaphors, based on society, etc...
Any feedback is appreciated...

I will be happy to explain any questions...


...Life is like, bomb escortin' through this common fortress...
...I find God to be calm with forces, soldiers survived Nam and corpses...
...Were shipped in packages, but then shifted pathogens...
...Spread through ships and passages, my personal rift of ravages...
...Is a script entableted...

...But after this...

...Man kind sheathes the ether, then secretes the liters...
...Of paint to sponge the epidermis and eat the features...
...No hope in this foul crudeness, the scouled youth is...
...Doomed to guns that can cause bowel movements...
...And envow humans, in sheets of death, the needful wept...
...On pillows that cant garuntee health to those who sleep and rest...
...We need to forget corruptions of a cynical past..
...First aid and clinical wraps, cant save flesh from critical mass...
...A biblical act, consumes the foreign legions...
...As those who swore allegiance, become slaves to a swarm of heathens...
...I mourn the Eden, perplexed in a loosened garden...
...As we intoxicate fruits and harvests, further turns the truth to bargains..
...Our mistakes are for the youth to pardon...
...Sunrise is a pupil's harness...

...And to forge solutions, we warn the uses...
...Of man made destruction causin' porn and nudeness on boarded cruises...
...The scorned and useless, bury the hatchet...
...Cause the wary of matches, cause economic loss in the scariest fashion...
...This war path in store, will bask the morgues...
...With wrath engorged by the humid taft of a blood bathened corpse...
...Morsels of flesh wrapped in cords, veins slash the form...
...And out of the woodwork comes a resident evil basket form...
...We attract the sword, drawn from stones in islands..
...The unknown silenced, until the cloned and violent...
...Is shown whats known to pilot, this road of mileage...

...As we unearth this coffin of gender, the cautious surrender...
...Of emotion results from losses and rendered...
...Not an agenda, but a scholarship bond...
...As the future of scholars is on, a page with offers and bombs...
...We sneeze, hiccup, and cough for a God...
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Old 04-26-04, 03:58 PM   #2
Identity2k
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yo this shit was crazy. tite wordplay, metas, nice flow, and good vocab. only 1 thing i wanna tell u is to spell check be4 posting it but other than that absolutely tite shit dowg.

Holla Back At Mine
I AM THE AMERICAN DREAM
BLOOD, SWEAT, and TEARS
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ya numba done came// and crumbled ya fame//
into a ball' a umbrulla disolves into flames// u under my REIGN//-Royce da 5'9''

why do it// knowin u can light my saliva like lighta fluid//-Royce da 5'9''
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Old 04-26-04, 06:52 PM   #3
UnDeStRuCaBlE
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thanx man
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Old 05-01-04, 02:43 AM   #4
Triple_N
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yo, son nice drop only thing was you were so focused on fillin' song wit metaphors that in a few plades you went off subject, verse was hot, metas was hot, but it was a little unfocused, jus being real, respect
Holla back on this!!
http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=121337
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Old 05-01-04, 05:08 AM   #5
BigTony.Self
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some hott shit there man ever since i came to this site ive been strugglin with gettin my shit typed out the way im feelin it but you hit it dawg 4 realz yo check my shit out lemme know what ya think aight!one............
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Old 05-02-04, 05:29 PM   #6
CrAcK*a*FeLlA
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that was some crazy hot shit.
says it all
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Old 05-09-04, 07:57 PM   #7
I. Mind
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good good good
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Old 05-09-04, 07:58 PM   #8
I. Mind
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good good good..oh wait i sed that already..lolz..u deserve it cuz ur too good to be true..lolz..
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Old 05-09-04, 08:40 PM   #9
SpokenBluntly
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very nice...very very creative...i liked ur structure it's unique and ur words were on point *UNO*

SB
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Old 06-03-04, 06:00 PM   #10
HoPe
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just all hotness!!!!!!
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Hot Topicals:


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Old 06-03-04, 06:05 PM   #11
SLUT!
 
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this is a fucking good piece.......i really iked the imagery and everything else along wit the emotion

this should go up for nominated for one of the best OM's
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<Marquee direction="up"><table style="filter: shadow(color=Grey, direction=50)"> metaphorical techniques</table></Marquee>

<Marquee direction="right"><table style="filter: shadow(color=Grey, direction=270)"> metaphorical and lyricaly the best</table></Marquee>

<Marquee direction="left"><table style="filter: shadow(color=Yellow Green, direction=50)"> Im Better Then You!</table></Marquee>
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Old 06-03-04, 06:18 PM   #12
hollywoodnt
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everything about this was good...good vocab, structure, flow, meaning...everything...nice drop.
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Old 06-04-04, 07:49 AM   #13
SUPERVILLAIN
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three words.............hot shit fam. keep up the good work bruh. your killin' it playboy.

return the favor and drop an honest response to my last open mic. one love.

s.v....................big bad c.s.
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Old 06-04-04, 09:17 AM   #14
In-Vision
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I was feelin that..that was actually really dope..You didn't have just one over all concept..you had a few...your metas were on point...imagery was more difficult just because it's a more difficult subject to try and fathom...So imagery is not even an issue...great ideas...and great way of expressing them....I give you a 40/50...docking the 10 points because regardless of your many great ideas, you didn't really have much to put behind each one of your thesis statements....I'm not saying your not well educated and you couldn't have...I'm just saying you didn't..and i would of liked to see that...It's like..how would we believe people were on the moon without written facts to support it? You dont gotta dig that deep...but you catch my drift..thatd be cool if you could check out my topical keystyle..it's called immortal technique topical..it'll be close to the top...so check it..or don't check it...either way....good drop..keep bangin...2 fingas one love

Holla
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Old 06-04-04, 09:39 AM   #15
Soul Sickness
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yo that was some pretty good shyt kid i was deffinatley likin that from front to back top to bottom...........
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