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Old 04-28-05, 12:33 AM   #1
Dabatos
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Flow Vs. HellsFire (CHAMPTIONSHIP)

IP: BBE8 536F

Final Round
Don't no-show because y would you since it took more then a month or two to get this far so if i was u i'd try my best..

Check ins due friday
Verses Due monday

Lines: 20-40 Lines Max

Topic: Wrong Timing

(If ya want to change topic.. then discuss it in here)

For who ever votes in here will get 10 million...

Standing:
Hells Fire: 0
FI: 4
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Old 04-28-05, 10:00 PM   #2
Hells Fire
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check 1 2 check 1 2 are ya listening...goodluck to flow this gonna be ill.........
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Old 04-29-05, 11:15 AM   #3
FlowIntelligent.
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Checkity check.. good luck to my boy hells fire.. you elevated a ton.. definately gonna be a dope battle

1z
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Old 05-02-05, 10:52 PM   #4
Hells Fire
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wrong timing



eyes rise with horizon looking back at her eyes when
she cries dry heavon puking back at her thighs when
facial moves to form a call for her doctor fernandez
gracial muse i roam a dial for her hector messages
7 a day passes still no hear of mom and her accident
24 a day masses a no great to mom and i am absent

i do this as a compliment as i home to see home age
she does well resident as a pink slip is on her dorm fridge
says she could fall at any second i look at cane and mention
u a pimp now mom ya gettin better this shit no sweater
she gimp now mom ya eatin better kiss hit when greet her
tears flood eyes instant i hate hospitol yet she persistant
mirrors good eyes confident she my vital yet she miss pet
she says dont worry i cant help to cry vissions of her die
i remember immature immages and tensions and the why
such a good person mental now in a position of the critical
icu in mood watchin metal screen now oxidation of technical
her eyes weep for her children 5:30 in the morning pleases listen
dad says deep for her condition 6:30 in the morning hearts glisten
sister buckels under a pressure of metric tons and mom moans
brother knuckes under a measure of medic bones and mom unknowns
gods playin chess with mothers spiritual whos winning no visual
fams painin mess with mothers ritual fam room killing no directional
fear pain sorrow the thought of a day with out child grandmother
gear wain borrow the glought of a way with out mild stand mother
faith hope and direction watchin biology with moms disection
wraith ghost and deflection watchin hermoaging and inspection
doctors machine says the worst next day dad prepares for herse
doctores medicine stays the worst next day mad snares for curse
she goes mayo by siren of ways the lady harpes the end of days
she knows stay by firen of maze the nurse secures mend on face
there a week maybe two the news chances what st mary not knew
seen a geek maybe two put bruise chances where hail mary is dew
time with mother vital for the mental survival of the victim who
home by assprin advil for the gental rivival of the victim anew
blood that has become thin where blood hopefully will not thickin
good that has come within where good respectfull will no sickin

a angel over her shoulder maybe the one i saw god in that manger
she came over in stranger to be un done i saw god in that danger
she nursing the home in the view by the bay talkin and not say
she eating the foam in pre view to the way chair n hand she say
i love you and i missed you so after work i tell her a few
i love you and i missed you so wrong timing ill never do
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Old 05-02-05, 11:37 PM   #5
FlowIntelligent.
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Wrong Timing


It started as a beautiful day, Birds singing with no cares' in the world
Me leaving for work, But not before kissing my wife, And my baby girl
It was just another normal day, I was busy with my construction
Not knowing, That what laid ahead, Was the eve of destruction
Work was easy yet grueling. I patiently finished what i was doing
Unaware to the fact, That another man, My wife was screwing



2 Hours Later

Lunch time came and i was quickly to my locker, Fumbling for water
Once again, Not knowing my wife was cheating in front of my daughter
My life was perfect, I couldnt consider anything else i needed
Everyone said i was like my father, Living my life exactly as he did
Vain but not conceited. Loved and never cheated. I had it all
Life was clear, Yet jealousy would be the cause of my fall



4 Hours Later At A Nearby Bar

The light beer vaguely glistened in the glass filled to the top
I wanted to consume it all but my daughter was my will to stop
It was early, Only six in the evening, But i decided to depart
Stopping at the store for roses, I loved my wife with all my heart
The drive home was soothing. I moved the hair from my eyes
I saw a car at my house. Jehovas witnesses, I wasnt suprised



And Now It Begins

The walk to my bedroom was short but seemed like it lasted forever
Under the sheets on the bed, My wife and a man laughing together
I abrubtly stopped, I couldnt believe what my eyes had seen
Our marriage, Our Daughter, Our love, Didnt mean a thing
I sneaked out of the house with vengence written in my mind
And back to the bar i went, Quickly drinking liqour and wine
I couldnt come to grips with how my life was down the drain
How could she say she loves me, But delivers this much pain



And Now It Ends, At A Friends House

With liqour flowing through my chest, I reached under the desk
Grabbed the shotgun with shaken hands, preaching her death
'This isnt my life' I said silently, With the shotgun in hand
The liqour in my system, The only thing not stoppin my plan
I walked in at the wrong time, And observed a disgucting act
My wife was the best thing in my life, How could i trust her ass
Driving cautiously back home where my wife was cheating
The plans of a mad man she couldnt survive this beating
I had it all planned out, I would take away her life
Take away her love..... Simply take away my wife
I walked in the door, and i guess my timing was wrong
Because the bed was empty, I guess my wife was gone


I turned the shotgun at myself, I was close to death
The last words in my solemn head were..No Regrets
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Old 05-03-05, 11:27 AM   #6
Its a me.. Mario
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Wow very good from both of you here... i deffintly should have entered this shit...

Emotion: Both of you had very good emotion in your pieces... each was different and very well put together but i am going to have to give this catagory to flow due to his emotion just drawing me in more and it seemed that his emotion was deeper and more felt...

Imagery: Once again a very close catagory but im going to have to give this to flow aswell due to his being more well constructed and his imagery was simply amazing and just painted the picture of the story as i was reading it throughout my mind... very good both of you

Structure: Both had very good structre and evened out lines... but i liked the way that flow wrote his piece and centered it... it just looked better to me

Creativity: This is a tie... both of you had different approaches to the topic and was two different views on things... very good work both of you with the way you chose what to write about

Vocabulary: Both of you guys had some good vocabulary but nothign was really outstanding and had me reaching for a dictionary... so with that said i would have to say this is a tie aswell due to the fact that both of you guys hd good vocab but nothing really that great

Overall Vote: My vote goes to flow for his emotion aswell as his amazing imagery... this was a very good battle and very close even though flow took all the catagorys other then the ones that was tied... it was still a very close battle and would be glad to battle either of you in a topical or poetry battle anytime you guys want...

props to both of you guys very nice pieces..

Paid

Last edited by Golden Dayz : 05-03-05 at 03:31 PM.
 
Old 05-03-05, 11:29 AM   #7
Its a me.. Mario
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dont forget to pay me whore

when is the next VE commin up cause you know im ready to take the title
 
Old 05-03-05, 02:15 PM   #8
FlowIntelligent.
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thanks for voting.... more please ?
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Old 05-03-05, 03:38 PM   #9
Sean Gunner
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Nice pieces from both of you. FI I just was taken aback by yours. I wish we had given more lines because I think it would have been a much better piece if you had more room. Hells Fire, I really liked yours as well. Good job by both of you.
 
Old 05-03-05, 03:47 PM   #10
~Lady Fiya~
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i read both and OMG Flow your imagery was very, very good... the best i seen on this site yet, since i'm not in the league i can't vote.. but i say props to you and hell's fire.. outstanding pieces.. good luck
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Old 05-03-05, 04:21 PM   #11
~Lady Fiya~
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ok i was just informed that i can vote by the tourney leaders.. aight well, here's my critique..

Emotion: i say Flow took this catergory by the way he worded his lines, they drawn attention to me easily, and i didn't get bored with his story because the way he introduced new concepts and fields to the story, very impressive i must say. Hell's Fire you had emotion in your piece as well but i feel like you were more concentrated on flow in your lines than expresses emotion throughout your topic. -Flow

Imagery: this wasn't hard to pick, i would say Flow took this because he was very descriptive, the more adjectives you use the better, and it still infact depends on the way you word your sentence, emotion and imagery fell into place perfectly in Flow's piece. I can picture all that he had written and that's what you strive for in a topical battle. Flow

Structure:Flow>> the centered stanzas even lines for each portion... Flow

Vocabulary: I'd say Hell's Fire had better use of vocabulary. Hell's Fire

Creativity: Both i was feeling Flow's view point a lot, but Hell's Fire was just as interesting.. so nobody gets this one. Both

Overall: I say Flow took this by a more related-topic.. meaning he has a piece that more people can relate to and i was feeling his imagery more than anything else put forth in the battle.. it keeps readers interested and it never got off topic, i thought it was pretty close to flawless, i didn't expect either of you to do so well on this topic. Hell's Fire i was feeling the fact that you came with an uncommon viewpoint because i expected you to go "all-out" with your imagery but you didn't and i was expecting that since you picked something harder to relate to. I was feeling your flow as well as Flow Intel's.. i think both of you did pretty well for a championship battle. However, the winner of this battle would be Flow Intelligent. Good Luck to both competitors.


Vóâ€-ë = Flow Intelligent

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Old 05-05-05, 04:33 PM   #12
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Vote people!...
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Old 05-05-05, 09:17 PM   #13
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wow, ive read a few topical verses but none are as good as these.

hellz fire- nice verse dawg. your imagery was good, but some more detail would have been appreciated. your emotion was aight, but i couldnt find a ton in it. your vocab was better, but that doesnt mean a lot to me. overall, i enjoyed your verse but it just wasnt as complex as fi's.

fi- wow man, this verse is amazing. the details, the flow, the story, it just all blends so well. the vocab use is perfect for the story, but your closer could have been worded better to tie with the topic. overall, you won this on the story and complexity.

v: FI

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Old 05-07-05, 06:17 PM   #14
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I dont know if I can vote on this, but oh well...

Emotion- I felt flow took this part of the battle. I felt he came just a lil bit stronger. His sensory details linked well with the topic, and I could sense the emotion in his verse. HF, you had a lil bit emotion in yo verse as well, but I felt that you focused too much on your vocab and flow instead of this, so I couldve give you this part of the battle.

creativity- I dont really know who took this part. I'm leaning a lil towards flow in this one, but I dunno. Both had some nice creative lines, and such, so I dunno. I didn't really see a lot of played concepts, which is what I was really looking for in this category, so this will go to no one.

structure-I'ma hafto give this one to flow because I felt his verse was a lil more easier to read, and that says alot in any kind of text battle. He structure his verse well. No one really had stretched lines, but I gave him this part because he took a lil more time out and made his verse look a lil better and easier to read. His verse was also at good quality. So, I gave this part to flow, and also, just by looking at both verse, one would get the impression that Flow would take this part of the battle anyway, so big ups to flow on this part.


imagintion-I also think Flow took this part of the battle too. I understood flow's verse more, and I could paint a picture in my mind of what's going on. I didin't get bored easily with his verse, and he kept me at suspense and made me want to keep reading. HF, you came a lil hard in this category in some parts of your verse, but i didn't see alot of consistency, so I'ma give this part up to flow.


vocabulary-Indeed, HF is a lil more skilled in this part. I think it's pretty obvious that he came harder with vocab and used them at the right time. Instead of stating obvious words, he changed em up to make his verse seem a lil more sophisticated, and that tied into rhymiing also.

overall- I think I'ma hafto give my vote up to FI. I think his overall verse was better. HF lacked in too many things in this battle to get the win. FI took this one in my opinion. Throughout the whole battle, he came with great consistency and stuck to the topic just a lil bit harder, and he made his verse more interesting.


v-Flow Intelligent

Last edited by Golden Dayz : 05-07-05 at 08:21 PM.
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Old 05-08-05, 01:22 PM   #15
Dabatos
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Emotion- Well with the jealous and anger you could feel in flows verse.. i'd have to say that he got this..

creativity- both of ya came with alot of creativity in this one... but flow had to get this one as well with his very big twist at the end... good job

imagintion-flow.. with your very amazing word usage in this.. you were able to use ur imagery and make me feel im right by ur side in this one

vocabulary- well as we all could see.. hells fire took this.. alot of us vets arn't that great with vocab.. but we nailed emotion and imagery skill.. but flow has good vocab in many of his verses.. but in this one it didn't matter.. because i could feel alot of emotion.. and that matters alot...

V- F.I.
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