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05-15-05, 12:26 PM | #1 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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Kesse vs M-Eazy
IP: 0E89 9DF2
Battles up Monday - Check In by Wednesday - Drop by Friday - Votes by Sunday No line limit and the battler with most votes by Sunday night is the winner. If this is a topical battle, write a topical and not a poetic drop and the same is vice a versa. All Battlers must vote on 4 other battles and leave their voting links in their battle thread. Battles voted on may be from either poetry or topical battles. Extensions must be asked for by Thursday night by pming any of the mods (Acuity, Drama Queen & Elementality). No extensions will be given 4 if asked 4 on Friday night. Extensions are only given till Sunday night at the most. Every battler must nominate (not their own) one topical and poetry battle for pieces of the week, in the main forum . People with pieces of the week shall have their drops stickied and placed in the Pieces Of Inspiration sub forum Topic: Prison Suicide
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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05-15-05, 03:32 PM | #2 | |||||
in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
check this out.........
check.
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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05-16-05, 07:36 PM | #3 | ||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: 31E1 91F6
check in..............2nd topical. ....should be nice..
glad i got him. no we can see whose good. see if his daddy in his sig is better than me. |
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05-20-05, 12:41 AM | #4 | |||||
in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
Prision Suicide trapped in a deranged realm, no one can ever describe where pain overwhelms, lifes hard-pressed to survive possessed with lies, depressed i cry tears of doubt suppressed by my eyes, empty echoes, no one hears you shout all life is about to collapse, happiness turns to pain perhaps never feelin its warmth again, memories burn your brain crazy or sane? my consciousness is encaged by steel a manufactured illusion, yet my body is made to feel and its all too real, suffering slowly erodes my sanity fall to a kneel, comforting words explode to profanity how can it be, i kept it innocent, avoiding all crime betrayed by my thoughts, my content destroyed in time devoid of any signs, hope created just to taunt my existence swallowed by dark, followed my heart, never thought to resist it troubled from the start, but could never ask for assistance so the feelings of hate and confinement contiually persisted until i believed it was true, my soul caught and contained never thought or complained, but it cant be bought or regained someone ought to explain what to do, life isn't a game i lost myself, mind caved through...ended it with a shot to the brain i was detained in a world that was created from dreams where pain would curl around any reflecton that gleamed every breath taken it seemed always deflated with screams and the only form of help offered, was just outdated regimes its far more extreme, madness had infected my cognition never to be free again, my sanity had selected ignition death infested my vision, if only you saw it through my eyes my mind was a prision...... and the only escape was suicide ___________________________ blahh....didn't like the topic, but whatever....i think it turned out pretty good gl dot
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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05-20-05, 07:51 PM | #5 | ||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: 31E1 91F6
Keeping me locked in these cells, will only make me go wild 25 to life for tha crime, I'll be dead before I get out 2 strikes for petty theft, thought I would learn my lesson Now I was driving home drunk, and I hit a pedestrian How dare I fight the case, I knew my crime would pay Said I'd be prepared for my time, but why on this day? I've been actin a fool, and threw my whole life away "Fuck what they all say", was my mentality, and now this game I hafto play Used to blaim it on tha system, "the man" holding me back But what I did was no exscape, "Just another black dude stuck in a trap" I'm trapped in these bars with no chance of breaking out So much commotion all around me, shit, people can't hear me shout In here I stick to myself, because I can't trust all these bad men ...But Shit... I'm one too, Never again a Has been This is my life, and every night, I got to sleep scared Because I just took a innocent life away, and they think I dont care I would give anything to have them moments back when drinking a beer Should've cop'd a desinated driver, because I couldn't even steer ........And now they got me in here, 25 years plus Where I can't trust my surroundings, and all they do is fuss I pray to God that he forgive me, i know I can't give up But, this life aint for me.... stay pee'in in a cup Thought of strangglin myself with my shirt, to lower my health But just being in here, with this fear hauntin me is only beating myself Now, I wonder what's easier, suffering, or a quick death So I picked up myself, and took the shirt off my chest Prayed for God to forgive me, before I put it around my neck Placed the top of the sleeve on the bed post, and hung from the deck Loosing breath now...But, I can't give up on this ....My life is already over, and I'm left with no one to miss My thoughts getting lower........could I be passing out right Couldn't hear myself think..........I just committed prison suicide |
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05-22-05, 04:41 AM | #6 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: E3EC B040
Drakel: I love your approach of the topic where you portrayed your mind as a prison instead of the actual jail. You had an excellent flow, had multis down and also good sound expressions for example:
never thought or complained, but it cant be bought or regained someone ought to explain what to do, life isn't a game Interesting rhyme scheme together with good vocab, had nice balance between basic and complex and the piece was at a high pace that kept the readers focussed. Emotion was tight in my opinion, your twist of the topic allowed you to use heaps of emotion and you also did that. Imagery was good as well, it's just a very easy read due to the speed of the piece and the content as well. Built up a nice story and I also like the questions the person asks himself, thrown around between feelings and thoughts into his mind. M-Eazy: you sorta took the more predictable approach of the topic but nonetheless you managed to write down a nice piece. The strongest aspect of your drop was the emotion without a doubt, you really portrayed the feelings of remorse the person had within his heart, the struggle he goes through in prison. Imagery was good but I feel it was just an emotional piece and not an imagery one. Flow was excellent, you picked up the pace as the story continued, vocab was bit more basic but it gave the topical a powerful, direct vibe. Couple of my favo lines: This is my life, and every night, I got to sleep scared Because I just took a innocent life away, and they think I dont care In the end my vote goes to Drakel because I feel he had a more creative approach, more abstract and poetic vibe as well but M-Eazy, I enjoyed reading your piece as well of course. Both dropped hard so no hate y'all...this was an excellent battle, keep it up!
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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05-22-05, 07:28 AM | #7 | |||
**the council**
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IP: 7960 1771
my vote goes to DRAKEL coz i thought your verse was much more complex and creative.....your structure was good and your flow was flawless.......you had nice vocab usage and i enjoyed reading it....you kept it interesting the whole way thru so good job.........
m-eazy your drop was packed with emotion, vocab could have been upped a lil bit just to make the drop a lil more complex than it was.....altogether a pretty good drop but my vote goes to drakel
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05-22-05, 08:11 AM | #8 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: E3EC B040
Score so far:
Drakel: 2 votes M-Eazy: 0 votes
__________________
Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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05-23-05, 03:35 PM | #9 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: 41CC 315E
Drakel wins: 2 votes against 0
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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