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TOPIC-MY COUNTRY

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checking in this

Checking in lets get this topic!

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My country

The gallapoing giraffes neglecting the internal rain
But sensed an abyss of honour falling , screaming
Slotting in, stomping
pattering,
On the windows of the magestic meadows mercyful
But the pollenate purple combined with dullness
Unable to portray pefect pictures on lifes mantel
But carefully caressing memories to the present
Slotting in stomping
pattering
Slowly the images progress of sun filled politics
The court of dishonour clutching lies to their chest
Ravashing ravens at their eyes for their corrupt
Disputing of neglegence like debatable ignorance
Slotting in stomping
pattering
The sun fades as moon emerges reflecting paths
As the system governs yet another countrys crash.

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PLEASE READ THIS

Let me get a few things str8 before im critised for them

There is no meter fru out which represents theres no pattern in society

The only punctuation is at the end, this is to show it can be ended, but right now, it isnt happening

The onomatopeia is cus im being told whats happening in my life but i cant actually feel it

The couplet at end emphasises the problem



EZ

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the stripes on the magnificent flag sway in the air
representing a country of freedom and democracy
created by the intellectually gifted founding fathers in 1776
through the ages, this beautiful country has become a power unlike no other
with a wealthy economy and educated people
every morning i wake up, i look at the flag
say the pledge of allegence and smile
proudly admitting, that i am an american

both had a different view on this i thin cuz DR was talkin sumthin very different and i thin his verse was full with so much vocab and creativity that he got my vote both of u did good but MC verse was very simple no creativity no vocabulary really nothing good there except that u stayed on topic but DR got tha vote for having everythin good from the structure, vocab, and creativity he had it all so good job to both of yall and keep doin ya thing aight
v/DR

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Yo yeah very different pieces....dizzee gets my vote....because of the vocab and creativity....specially poems need creativity and i think MC missed that....well done

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