CONTENTS

I. The Ho-Zone
II. The Dope Zone
III. Battle Reviews
IV. Improvements
V. Closing Notes


I. The Ho-Zone

Yes, this is the Ho-Zone. The place where those who are that wack they have to ho-show in battles get put in so we can all laugh at how pathetic they really are.
First up, before we get rolling I would just like to address the first inductees and tell you, I do not give a fuck if this offends you in anyway, the fact is you all are lazy ass fuck-faces who couldn’t be bothered to drop a simple verse. And secondly, I don’t give a fuck what excuses you have. I don’t care if you were having illiteracy problems, I don’t care if someone stole your computer, I don’t give a fuck if your mom beat you down with the keyboard and locked you in the basement. Bottom line, you no-showed and that’s that.

So, now we’ve gotten that out of the way, here are your first inductees…

Immense
Drakel
Daemon
Demonic Storm
CrownedHeights
Illumatic
Dizzee Rascal
Thassarap

Now, everybody else, let’s all point and laugh at them. Congratulations all of you and enjoy your suspensions you lazy fuckas.


II. The Dope Zone

The Dope Zone, the place where I show respect and recognition to people who do exceptionally well and drop real decent verses. Sometimes there will be no people in here, sometimes there will be many, you never know.
This week I am proud to say that we have 3 members, yes 3 who are privileged enough to be inducted into “The Dope Zone”.
These 3 members are…

Mad Knight
.Lola Cruez. II
Mystic Chaos

These 3 individuals each dropped better than average pieces this week. Mad Knight and Lola Cruez in the same battle, a tough one to call but Mad Knight surprisingly came out with the win, a shame that only one person voted on it. Mystic Chaos dropped an interesting piece, original and creative, especially considering it was allegedly a quick “keystyle” topical, and naturally came out with the win.
So, I would just like to say CONGRATULATIONS to all of you.



III. BATTLE REVIEWS

Ok, before I give a rundown of the battles, I should let you know that I am not even going to bother with even single word synopses on the battles that ended because of no-shows. So, I apologise to those who did show in them, I guess congratulations on your wins is all.


No-Show Battles

Immense vs. Drakel vs. The Revelation
Winner: The Revelation

Daemon vs. Paroxysm
Winner: Paroxysm

Demonic Storm vs. King Solo
Winner: King Solo

CrownedHeights vs. Stanza
Winner: Stanza

Flow Intelligent vs. Illumatic
Winner: Flow Intelligent

Fraud vs. Dizzee Rascal
Winner: Fraud

Thassarap vs. Acuity
Winner: Acuity


Real Battles


Mizz Fyre vs. Drama Queen
Winner: Mizz Fyre

A hot battle right here, but don’t get confused because I’m talking about their looks. Now if we’re talking battle wise as in was it a god battle, no it wasn’t. Mizz Fyre held up her end with a real nice piece as I would expect. Had all the necessities a topical verse needs to be a real contender to win. But then it wasn’t much of a competition when Drama Queen came in with her ass verse. She is highly respected for her topical writing skills, whether she knows it or believes it. She is capable of far more than the ass shit she dropped in her battle and you could tell straight off from the quality she failed to produce that she didn’t try. Now, don’t get all high up and say “at least I showed” because not trying is right down there in the land of “I’m A Pathetic Piece Of Shit” along with no-showing, so next time try or don’t even bother wasting your time in the league dropping that ass shit.


X-tortion vs. Apostrophe
Winner: Apostrophe

Personally, I thought this was a one-sided battle and I imagined it would end with a KO, Drama Queen would put a stop to that though with her vote for X-tortion. But really, it wasn’t all that much of a dope battle anyway. Apostrophe didn’t put his best effort into it and dropped an average piece, not really what I would expect from someone with his talents, and what the fuck was with the “I hope my opponent no-shows” attitude. Yea, you little fucka I saw your post and you should be ashamed, looking for a cheap victory. Anyway, onto X-tortion, someone I haven’t seen drop topically so I won’t criticize you………or maybe I will. An average piece to me, nothing real special and you didn’t deserve to get a vote in my opinion. Now if that is your best shit son, then you seriously are gonna get owned a lot more, so I hope it isn’t and I hope you try harder next time.


~Bless~ vs. Shodown
Winner: ~Bless~

This is a lot similar to Mizz Fyre vs. Drama Queen in the fact that one person dropped good, and the other brought ass. ~Bless~ came with a real in-depth piece with raw emotion and imagery consistent throughout the verse. It was close to getting you up into the “Dope Zone” but you didn’t quite make it, oh well maybe next time. Then Shodown came into the battle and brought the biggest asscream topical verse I have seen in a long time. Kid, if that is your idea of a good topical verse then I should toe your ass right outta this league. Did you even try, if you did then you need to beef up your skills, or better yet go find some first. And you wonder why only one fucka voted on it, props to Mystic Chaos for having the ability to read through that ass shit and actually drop a vote, I just thank god I didn’t have to do it.


Mystic Chaos vs. CriTiC
Winner: Mystic Chaos

Congratulations first to Mystic Chaos, a real original piece you put down, however I do not believe that comment about it being a quick key, or if it is then I hate to be the poor sucker who gets to battle you when you actually put some effort into it. On to Critic, congratulations are in order for you also my son. Well done on taking your highly regarded talent as a topical writer and have it sink faster than the Titanic. I mean you started off quite well and then your verse nose-dived like a fuckin aeroplane with no engines. You are a dope topical writer, I have seen proof of that but seriously, you need to be more consistent because that last part of your verse needs to be bitch-slapped right off the post and changed.


Mad Knight vs. .Lola Cruez. II
Winner: Mad Knight

WOOHOO!! Finally, something worth reading, we should all take note at this battle and pay it respect for showing all you homo’s how it should be done. Real nice pieces from both, I expected it from Lola because she is known for her expertise in the topical department. Mad Knight I have never seen, and frankly his text skills are average, but his topical skills are dope. If that is the shit you can produce time and time again son then you should drop text and take up topical writing full time. The overall piece just blew me away, and you deservingly got the win, albeit a shock upset in people’s minds. The one downfall was that Lola couldn’t drop until Sunday night so it meant that nobody really had a chance to witness the dopeness and vote, but still props to Mystic Chaos for doing that, congratulations to both for a dope battle and further congratulations to Mad Knight for the win.


IV. Improvements

The first one has to be the no-shows, I mean seriously there was far too many and it gave me the urge to hunt all you ho-showers down and personally slap the shit out of you. It doesn’t take a whole lot of time to drop a topical verse, and you have 5 fucking days to do it. If that isn’t enough time then you should just leave right now.
The second thing I feel I should mention is the voting, the only people who actually dropped votes were Drama Queen, Mizz Fyre, ~Bless~, Mystic Chaos and myself. All you other fuckers if I don’t see you vote in the future I will DQ all your asses from your battles and start deducting your points. It takes how long to drop a vote on a battle, 5 minutes really, is it too much to ask for you to drop some votes.


V. Closing Notes

In closing to this week’s magazine, I would just like to express my appreciation for those who showed up for their battles and metaphorically shit on those who didn’t. Also, to those who didn’t really try in their battles, try next time or I will be dropping something on your heads to. With that said, I’ll see you next week for Issue #2 of The HT Topical Magazine.

Thank You And Goodnight.

"His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God"

Blog

Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Web Designer