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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

lol @ the irony of being in the same crew its all good its not like we dissing each other...but i'm checkin in

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TheMyspace

yea but you know...whatever if both of us made it to the finals then it would've had to happen anyways

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Knowledge is Power, Stop being Weak

Featuring such heads as...Tha Q, 9th degree, Enygma,The green team, Big J and probably you! SO DON'T SLEEP!

FADE AWAY

Watching myself waste away like a diet weight scheme
my life's already over and i'm not even eighteen
I may dream of a better life when reality slips my mind
but I always return to a life....that isn't even mine
it hits like a ton of bricks, the weight of life, it won't stop budding
I wish it could crush my body...my soul until there was nothing
I pray it "crush and keep crushing" I used to beg it to cease
but life's beyond my repair to far gone, i want release
I'm steeped in the riches of thought but i'm not proud of my wealth
Wish i could unzip my soul and crawl out of myself
praying to miscarriage these feelings, my girls pregnant it's crazy
what's worse if i'm not happy all the time, my friends hate me
and my future is still hazy, I may not graduate from high school
they expect me to flo all the time, i'm drowning in this life pool
but they ignore the screaming, see me reaching for the cement
get myself on steady ground, but when i drown...they just start leaving
they've never heard my real voice, when i use it they think i'm joking
I'm losing my identity....WHERE'S GOD!!!??? Must be getting the roping
my whole life has been to color the world, always act gay
I can't show them my strain, my pain.....my dismay
I wish i could fade away...just...become a shade of gray
my whole life has spilled through a pencil....
.....but even that can fade away
I thought i rubbed them the right way, but when i'm gone they won't taper
and my effect will rub off them, the way my words rub off paper

don't worry I drop on time Peace(like rakim and Eric B)

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GET DOPER

Knowledge is Power, Stop being Weak

Featuring such heads as...Tha Q, 9th degree, Enygma,The green team, Big J and probably you! SO DON'T SLEEP!

"Broken Dreams"


An other broken dream 3 demos all night playin my guitar in the park
Late night grounds hard hearts beating fast walkin home in the dark
*ring*-*ring* pick up the phone,an other record company shuttin me out
Silenty I walk towards the fridge open it no food "I NEED TOO GET OUT"
Is Suicide the awnser,no,it cant be why waste sucha a talent
Its just I need someone in my life too be there too just hold the balance
AN other night fell asleep on the couch graspin the remote
An un-awnserd message,I get up,feels like theres a frog down my throat
They said bring your guitar,bring your nice clothes,and be ready for stage
I Turned off the message,for once,my ass is finally gonna get paid
30th and Watts just like the message said,hmph,place was real nice
A limo pulled up,window rolled down,dude said hey were gonna change ur life
I was ready for whatever,a new change,maybe some money comin my way
Thinkin too myself,"damn,will my life fully be changed on this very day"
Dude said,"hop in,get in the limo and hand me ur demo",I hopped right in
Drove up 4 blocks,tossed out the limo,they said,heres money for the holidae in
.
.
.
3 Months later I wake up too the buzz of the phone,hang it up,turn on the tv
I was wondering,"maybe,just maybe one day,that could be me"
Then A new video comes on,Its my song,sept one thing not me on the picture
I had no ascap they stole my music,fuck this shit,it was too hard too picture
Now it seemed as life had no meaning for my exsistence,they wont miss this
I mean,honestly no one,no family too go home too on christmas
into the bathroom with a rope,the day I left myself Hung,dead the phone rung
It was the people who stole my music,song was a hit,they wanted more done



I had too get it dropped

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TheMyspace

alright upppn for some votes

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TheMyspace

come on peeps uppin for some votes

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TheMyspace

Blackmage:
Your flow was to text like which isnt good for topicals! Your imagery was aight nothing special as u kept going off on weird shit in parts but some parts were dope! Emotion was probably the best part of your topical for me,very sad!Vocab was aight but needs to be up'ed! I like how u ended it to very good!

Past Tense:
Same to you dawg,flow wasnt up to scratch.Emotion got better near the end!Also i like the "story" kinda feel to it!magery was very story like put nice. Emotion is good due to it changing in the 1st and 2nd verse! Ending vey sad! A way to make this better is the same as i said for blackmage try to up ya vocab it would sound a whole lot better.

v/Past Tense

weerd thanks for the vote......madddd

uppin for that ish

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TheMyspace

uppin in this place...


1

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It's obvious both of you aren't really topical heads...no hate of course but it's good y'all doing this because it can improve your overall writing you know.

I think it's a rather close battle actually, the different topics make it even harder to really compare both.

Blackmage: I actually liked your piece because it had a sort of raw emotion to it. The storyline had potential but I feel you jumped from one thing to another here and there, might have worked it out better you know. The imagery was there, you used interesting images. The flow was decent I thought, didn't really have stretched lines, the flow worked for piece like this. Your vocab may not have been all that but that allowed you to express a clear, raw, real emotion you see. I would've liked more details here and there though.

Past Tense: okay, a picture topic can be quite tricky because no one will look at it the same way you know. The storyline you chose was interesting but I think you should've added more details, especially in the last part. I wanna know the thoughts that went through his head when he hanged himself. The emotion was decent but I feel you could've done a lot better with this storyline, same goes with imagery. You used good images and your emotion was good in places but you could've done a lot more with this storyline.

This is a close call right here but I think I'll go with Blackmage even though I feel Past Tense's storyline had more potential to it. Just didn't use it to the fullest you know and that's a shame. Blackmage dropped some raw thoughts which I definitely liked so, vote goes to him.

Quotables:

I pray it "crush and keep crushing" I used to beg it to cease
but life's beyond my repair to far gone, i want release
I'm steeped in the riches of thought but i'm not proud of my wealth
Wish i could unzip my soul and crawl out of myself
^good emotion right here, I love the last line of unzip my soul and craw outta myself...real nice...

Is Suicide the awnser,no,it cant be why waste sucha a talent
Its just I need someone in my life too be there too just hold the balance

into the bathroom with a rope,the day I left myself Hung,dead the phone rung
It was the people who stole my music,song was a hit,they wanted more done
^good emotion here as well

Vote: Blackmage

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Lizzle

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2590531

voted on dq and mad nizzle too but i'm not sure if that really qualifies as a vote yet

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GET DOPER

Knowledge is Power, Stop being Weak

Featuring such heads as...Tha Q, 9th degree, Enygma,The green team, Big J and probably you! SO DON'T SLEEP!

BlackMage-Alrighty Like DQ said about jumping from one to another, and myself as a book reader I don't like that. Changing and going to another situation without giving out any specific details. Yet you had good Emotion, the imaginary wasn't good though. I like your flow, very readable. The complex of your piece wasn't there and it wasn't that very Much creative,like DQ said again "It's obvious both of you aren't Topical Heads". Ditto

Past Tense-GRRRRRRR. I'm not Liking the Imaginary here in your verse basically you, same as blackmage, is not giving out any specific detail in your verse in one event. It's cool to get straight to the point but fill it with details also. Alright I like the emotioin, kinda didn't feel at first but then you picked up at the end. Your flow was kinda choppy along with the Grammar mistakes, which is alright you could elevate on that.

Vote/ BlackMage Just felt his concept was better than past tense along with Emotion. Both not good at emotion, plus the complex wasn't good at all in both verses, so I had to go with Emotion and blackmage had that.

Pz.

__________________
mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*