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02-13-06, 04:49 PM | #2 |
Just searching.
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IP: 8262 49AE
Check..........
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02-13-06, 06:38 PM | #3 |
Just searching.
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IP: 8262 49AE
|Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.|
Firing neurons and synapses, the brain collapses and lapses... intrigued by... foreign stimuli from that nice guy creating a racket. I'm here for a meal... salmon ala mode garnished with dirty habits, As I pollute my body with fats, it's not just a hunger run rampant, but a way to drown fate I reminisce over a mistress who has a name, that refuses to resonate throughout neither my throat nor ribcage. It creates pain through my cerebrum and tattered, battered cortex, spinning in this windy city like the decrepit trash caught in a vortex. Shoving crumpets down my maw, working my jaw with ferocity, calories igniting memories speeding through my mind in high velocity, I wonder why I ever thought... that the nice guy finishes last, leaving old flags for now widowed wives on weather-worn doormats, then despite all the warnings, I'd run then return to take advantage, planting the seeds of deceit that thrive on the needs of the planet... Sleeping with these women, after I deliver a hope-crushing message, I once was so light on my feet, but this world now seems so heavy... Flourishing on envy, remembering how I had forced children to watch, as I corrupted and tainted the sainted maiden they call their mom. My newfound morals rebel against me, speak the undeniable truth, unrelenetless in their assault, forcing me to retire to my lonely room, permeated with forlorn gloom, each of my belts now utterly useless, all covered in nocks, they remind me of the starry sky now moonless. I remembered being on top of the world, but it's true that it rotates, and if someone is watching me...well then... it's not with any new hate. "I love food," screams the masochistic dolores-skull, shoving birdseed into his nostrils and yelling simultaneously with a thousand dead parrots. FIN. |
02-14-06, 08:30 PM | #4 |
New to RV
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IP: 2029 97B3
God
. God tested himself with a dissatisfied mind of imagination Contemplated highly-rated traits for his planned creation A grand sensation was traced at a face that resembled his And so with a stained plate of jade he slowly assembled it The reflection of perfection had manifested God’s image A metallic status was spawned upon the robot’s grimace Instead of a birthed servant he felt worthy of domination Portrayed shades of hate that not even God could station Then he commanded demands that God refused to abide So the plagued rages engaged to see who would subside Rivalry Rises The immortal corporal’s fought with a countless prowess Untied high-ranged exchanges of unbroken potent powers The hours of fate elevated to a stage that surpassed eternity Yet neither soul was close to stall the halls of an infirmary The Bot bolted assaults to God whom returned his advances The massive masses crashed to be the last with the chances Suddenly like Lucifer the metal settled, diminishing its lust And then in an instant it ended with God’s finishing touch He mocked his own test destroying the pawn that infringed The rivaled supremacy in image of him to God was a synch . Machine
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02-19-06, 11:15 AM | #5 | |
The Epitome Of Greatness
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IP: 525D FF37
CH:
dope verse. Good wordplay the imagery was pretty good. Not much emotion but then again thats hard to do with the topic you chose. Ive seen better from you but yet ive seen worse also. Good verse in all. Overall: 6.5/10 Ion W Yuu: Good verse from you as well more than i expected. But your verse lacked the emotion. It was like you had the plot in mind but the words didnt come together well. The woprdplay was good and the spots where you used imagery was good but your verse just wasnt consistent enough Overall: 6/10 Vote: Crazy Hades
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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion |
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02-19-06, 06:39 PM | #6 | |
in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
i didn't really like either verse here....i liked ion's direction, the rivarly, thought it was cool.... but to me it didn't really seem like you capitalized on it, there wasn't much material to keep me interested and entertained....but it wasn't bad
A grand sensation was traced at a face that resembled his And so with a stained plate of jade he slowly assembled it that was my fav line, it flowed well too, just didn't hit for me beyond the structure of it, might've been cool audio hmm, crazy, i couldn't really get into yours fully, mainly because some lines seemed outta place with the overall progression of the piece....and it just seems like you tried too hard to make this really intelligent, ehhh, too much vocab can often take away appeal and effectiveness of the message you want to get across.....nothing against you if you talk like this on a normal day to day basis, but overall, this was interesting and was enough to get the win, good job then despite all the warnings, I'd run then return to take advantage, planting the seeds of deceit that thrive on the needs of the planet.. fav line...keep up to both v/crazy
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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02-19-06, 07:01 PM | #7 |
Just searching.
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IP: 8262 49AE
Well, I don't talk in rhyme on a day to day basis either. 2-0, upping.
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02-20-06, 01:42 PM | #8 | |
Odi et Amo
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IP: 38A7 1755
Crazy Hades wins, 2-0
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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