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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-01-07, 04:35 AM
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#1
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Above Originality
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Jay Brook (2-1) vs. Lay Fear (1-1) vs. L.E (0-2)
IP: 9465 0DDF
Jay Brook Vs. Lay Fear vs. L.E ok this is week 4. your skills are gonna be tested even more people...so keep on striving to be the best writer you can cause were are one week away from ranking and 6 weeks away from playoffs and only 16 can make it so lets hope its not you who gets cut. Battles up: April 29 Verses Due: May 4th your Picture of the week is...  so good luck! 
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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05-01-07, 11:11 AM
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#2
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L.E
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IP: 52B3 3524
Checking in.
Interesting picture. |
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05-02-07, 01:10 AM
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#3
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New to RV
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IP: EF7A A2F1
check.....wow got me in a 3 way battle now
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05-02-07, 09:11 PM
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#4
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don't try.
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IP: 3240 794D
yo..
18 years old..his senior year in high school, jus a plain ol snob guy.. his football team lost in the state playoffs..n' last weekend his mom died drivin n on the cell..she was assurin him she loved him more than she let on he was eager to get off..phone went static she collided with a truck head on apart from gettin bullied for losin..a school all about football town jus reads up all in the paper how he thru the INT. that lost the game..now he gets beat up schools almost out..n' his grades are droppin, he visits where his mother lies he mourns enough..but some months ago his girl ditched him for another guy they had been datin for two years he was in love, beleived they were destined one day he went to her house to surprise her...found her atop his best friend the were messin around..but he died inside all these things come at a bad time his father was havin trouble copin too..he left n said he'd be back..his dad lied when you realize life's a bitch..it has puppies, his motto, he lets out a dead sigh. he seems cold n lifeless..heart n pieces..with his 9 to 5..scrapin enuff to get by just barely tho, scarce food n no heat, heart feels like its bein poked wit a thorn jumped after work one night then finds out his home's been broke in n stormed just him an his sister now..there both depressed..home has seperate segments she breaks the bad news..her boyfriend has dumped her..and left her pregnant she can't afford n abortion..so somehow or another they gota make ends meet its tuff..he comes home one day n only thing protrudin from a room r dead feet. he musters courage n walks to unveil the mystery..so scared he goes in froze white powder smeared..a empty bag..sister gone..life took by a crack overdose he falls in the corner n cries in a ball..sobbing and moaning..been hurt to much how could a girl so innocent n precious to him leave..now she hurts to touch.. it sends him a cold chill to his body..everyone he holds dear has betrayed him.. this pain he feels seems like its chokin him..twistin his insides..tryin to slay him no metaphor could safice for the pain felt..tore him to shreds..his soul is gone can't make it in this harsh world..its harder than the wall that his shoulders on curled in the corner..he screams until he cant' breathe..tears go down his cheek he hears voices from peers..'I'm glad he's dead!..wonder who found this geek' anger builds up..he rages, seems like it combats his sorrow..his hearts racin oceans of despair n desiscions..but none bigger than the one his brains facin he knows theres a way out..it could releive his tension n dispense emotions cuz but this conclusion is horrifyin to him..a sleep that he won't get awoken from.. ..three days later there is a late breakin annoucement on the news, gota b ugly they found a girl dead..and a boy hung in his garage an his body was bloodied but below the young boy there was 2 paintings..in a minute we will review them one was sorry..wrote beautifully in blood..to those who knew him other was a boy entwined..to symbolize how slowly darkness consumed him.. a boy who desperatly tried to run from this fate.. but in the end..the tragedy was he could not escape..
__________________
Fear |
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05-03-07, 01:26 AM
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#5
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New to RV
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IP: EF7A A2F1
 trapped in my own body. This pieace is real these are problems I really have or had in real life so I hope you enjoy this read. Sadness is just a neutral sight living in this crucial life. things seem to smoothen but bad luck appears like I have a voodo wife. happiness is rare because I'm under rage so fights are on another stage. a 9 to 5 is not on my clock cuz I'ma fugitive and we're both underage. things take time so the road to a happy life is the answer pacients? because so far our goals keep falling apart like hair on cancer patients. my ink will smile......pad will laugh......... as my pen uh cry. but these words will just lead to more mood swings like a gemani. All this weight on my shoulder is making my heart colder. we've gone far but nowhere at the same time so should I just start over? from lonely days in black cells...to corners and crack sells. things just always seem to collapse like stacked shells. we can say forever and say never............and stay today. but never say never...... even permanant ink fades away. the trek to sucess is there I just have too aboard trains. cuz walking this path might cause trouble like board games. length of time I have has shorten but my mentality's grown. but its sad....its been 4 years since I've had a stable place called home. I have to love her because in her heart she's keeping me there. even after the hard nights.....no food to eat and sleeping on stairs nothing to wear..............dirty socks stained jeans no underwear. just a heart full of hard love and another meal we have to share. even after traveling and bouncing ......from house to house. you've managed to keep me alive like performing mouth to mouth I know we've had our share of tears and exchanged words. but you have a voice that leaves me with changed nerves. so I'll listen to your vocals ....and peep threw your sound. as another voice tell's me to make sure I keep you around. and its long distance so its kinda difficiult not to play her. and a wish to see her soon is just another unanswered prayer. bad times are here.......the good times need to come already. so we can mix our ingriedents in 1 bowl like pasta and spaghetti. I'm use to this feeling.... loving you is daily like a known hobby. but I'm getting tangled in my own webs .......................................I guess I'm trapped in my own body. |
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05-03-07, 09:10 PM
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#6
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don't try.
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IP: 3240 794D
ah good shit Jay..thats flOoOOOwWEeDdd good haha..good story, especialy since thats true..I was feelin ya verse..
__________________
Fear |
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05-03-07, 09:44 PM
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#7
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L.E
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IP: 52B3 3524
The Man In Vines
Speechless as I gaze upon the vision of my dream...
Pondering thoughts, recollecting what it could mean... I behold a man strangled, bound, vines a plenty... No color graces his face...even his skin is empty I look closer...words are present, who started it? "Dead End Job", "Cheating Wife", and "Starving Kid" Poor bastard, I began to think to laugh aloud... ...A sound, a bang, and then my head begins to pound... I suddenly wake up to sirens and a dirty room... In a blurring zoom I realize that I am thirty two I shake my head to see my wife wasn't asleep... All that bitch was good for was to lie and cheat Took a cigarette and walked down to the kitchen... "When I am famous, the bitch won't know what she's missin'..." Popped some Tylenol to relieve a sudden headache... "Maybe I'll make some breakfast before the kids wake." But the cupboard was empty, there was nothing to eat... Spent my paycheck last week on some liqour and weed I was twelve when I smoked my first joint...then I laughed Sat on the couch, turned on the TV and smoked some hash High as a kite, time passed and then I went to work... Ten to nine...fuck, late again, the boss would go beserk I hated my job...I hadn't made any real dollars yet... Only if I went to college, took advantage of my scholarship If I would have went on, and just used my head... Maybe I would have a real life, not just poverty instead I used drugs when my grandparents died...such tragic losses... Now I'm stuck in a crapshit office making plastic boxes... I feel so tied down, it's like vines make my neck jerk... So stressed out, no wonder my fucking head hurts... Work sucks, boss is an ass, in the corner with a smoke... "If I could go back and do it all over, I wouldn't be broke..." I laughed...what a joke...nothing in life comes easy... My hands feel tingly, my stomach and vision uneasy... I shiver, maybe I toked too much, or eat the nutrients lacked... A sharp pain in my chest......I was having a heart attack... Ambulance is rushed to my work, I'm taken to the E.R... Doctor says, "There's little time, find where his wife and kid are!" I can't breathe, I can't speak, the fans begin to look like vines... Only if I would have left drugs and alcohol way far behind... Only if I had went to college so that I feed correctly... Maybe now my body's main link wouldn't contest against me The vision of the man in vines re-appears, now in truth... I look to the right...a great vine is shooting from the roots... The vine wraps it around the man's body whole... I realize now that it's not a man....but one man's soul... "Dead End Job", "Cheating Wife", and "Starving Kid" I see... It could only be...that this man's soul was actually me... But the great vine that wrapped itself begin to tense... The words that appeared now, did not make sense... "Dead Father"...but my father was still alive.... But then I realized that I was the one to not survive... The realization hit me harder than electric waves... My son's soul, he would follow my steps through-out his days... Now I knew the hardest part of the phrase "Father like Son" My son's life was ruined because of me, before it begun... The vines begin to grapple me, slither across a wet head... I couldn't believe that this was to be my death bed... ...A sound, a bang, a fear was entering my glands.... ...The eleven year old screamed, because of the nightmare he had... 60 lines exactly. Good luck guys, good pieces. |
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05-03-07, 11:19 PM
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#8
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New to RV
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IP: EF7A A2F1
Quote:
thankz appreciate |
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05-04-07, 03:31 PM
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#9
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New to RV
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IP: EF7A A2F1
uppin man why shit is so fucking dead on this site
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05-05-07, 04:20 PM
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#10
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Light Weight
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IP: 7C0D E3A7
This is going to be hard.
Lay Fear: Your piece was nice. I liked your emotion, and story you told. Only thing I didn't like, was your flow. Every line in your verse was stretched. Even in the smaller font, your lines were longer than both of your opponents. But it was good tho. Jay-Brook: I liked the authenticity of your piece. Most of the people in this league(including me) just write a story that's made up for the topic. But you wrote some true things. You had nice flow, nice emotion. But, only at the end of your piece did I get a feeling that you were on the topic of this picture. But still a nice piece. L.E: Your piece was nice. I liked the story and concept of what you were talking about. You had more flow than emotion and content. Your piece went with the picture decently. Good job V/ Lay Fear even tho it was stretched, it was the best story for this picture.
__________________
Faime S. Quotez
The Scholar
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05-06-07, 11:20 AM
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#11
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The Write Weight
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IP: EF6E DF27
v/ L.E.
Lay Fear - nice verse, kinda sad, you had flow but it probably came in second. Jay Brook - Nice verse as well, it was sad and i'm sorry to hear what I heard. L.E. - you had the best verse, nice flow, nice length, nice storyline, you win. |
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05-06-07, 07:29 PM
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#12
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Lyrical
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IP: 1BAA C358
Lay Fear- Decent verse, the flow was alright too.
Jay Brook- Nice verse and cool, sad little story to go with it L.E.- Nice verse with nice flow, perfect length really, good story. v/L.E. for being the strongest of you 3
__________________
hi |
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05-07-07, 11:04 AM
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#13
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L.E
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IP: 52B3 3524
Thanks.
Up 2-1-0. |
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05-07-07, 03:27 PM
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#14
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astro-travellin`
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IP: 37C1 0FDC
L.E. wins, (2-1-0)
L.E. (1-2) - Jay Brook (2-2) - Lay Fear (1-2)
__________________
Quasar. in the flesh. |
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