Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
03-01-09, 11:59 AM | #1 | |||||
The Write Weight
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Week 1: Alphabetized vs. Civil.
IP: 3839 9710
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03-01-09, 07:15 PM | #2 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
Checkin in.. Idk how i'm going to edit in links though...
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03-02-09, 10:00 PM | #3 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
http://img16.imageshack.us/my.php?image=heavenu.jpg
I can't see, because I'm not one with reality And what I be? Is to you just a mere fallacy But it's what I'd rather be, because here? I'm free In a zone in which I’ve atoned, so I can just be me But indeed I struggle with my passage, but it's faith I'm showing Because the pain is just lame, and can't prevent where I'm going "Let's start him on a morphine drip, inform the family." As the pain drifts, my lungs are swift to lose their power So at this stage I’m enraged, do they think I'm a coward? I'm truly empowered, because this tunnel I'm in has an end So with euphoria I tred, knowing I'm meeting friends Thoughts bend with these conceptions of reality my senses can feel cuz my perception ain't defective, my mind's consensus is real Depends on ya deal, and how you turn from livid and reform & theres no time to grow frigid.... ... when the norm is transformed to warm Miracles performed, as you enter into a new conscience That science will inform that you've conformed to some nonesence But that causes laughter right? Cuz its on that subject I frowned Because the after life being real yields faith ... not the other way around So when the sounds cease to exist, and thoughts are just conceptions It's easier for me to dream, and say the images arn't just deceptions But in sections I see all, so this isn't an infection And my body isn't defective.. I’m just moving on to perfection "Hes flat lined, call the time of death doctor." |
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03-03-09, 05:18 PM | #4 | ||||
What' it do?
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IP: 91BA 0020
check.
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249241 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249238
__________________
Let ME fiiiinnd ooout
Last edited by Civil. : 03-07-09 at 06:43 PM. |
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03-03-09, 05:55 PM | #5 | ||||
What' it do?
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IP: 91BA 0020
Dead And Gone The Creation Of My Hiding Place The Beginning. _____________ Sitting in class, reminiscing the laughs I've only featured at home Why do I have this gut feeling inside, this belief that something’s wrong Look at the time. It won't be long. Class is almost over Suddenly a knock disturbs the class. The teacher's fast, but I see past her shoulders Two police men are standing at the door, she says "Yes Mister officer" They both glance around the room, and in a whisper start to talk to her She stands back, and then glances back to the direction I’m sitting The knot in my stomach just keeps getting bigger! everyone gawks at me in awe "Kris, Could you come here please." We need to talk to you in the hall I stand up shaken; literally doing everything I can to shake it My brain is aching; seriously they need to talk to me? They must be mistaken As I approach them outside the classroom. I can see the officers sweat breaking Then he spoke, "Your parents were just involved in an accident." "They didn't make it" Thoughts ________ Vivid Scenes, committed at heart, but feels like no one is forgiven me. My tolerance for everything that hurts, is caused by living dreams And exquisitely everything I’ve done has been hidden beneath, ...The thought that everything that’s been given to me can be taken astray Seriously Lord, The two people I loved. You've Taken Away. My mind is stuck, how can I escape that day, you took both my parents It couldn't have been worse timing, my dad had finally proposed marriage Now I’m living in a foster home. And all the love and fears combined Because No one has any idea what that kind of loss, does to a fierce mind. Cheers Why? I'm all alone in this place, everything cold will be mild And I’m no longer the only child, feels like the only guide is fate Cloudlessly involved in life...my mind is in its own hiding place Why would I try to escape the only place that can bring back memories? Why did they have to die that day, there’s no one here to remember me And why do I have the Tendency to forget everything I had.... .... Its impossible, I’m escaping the logical, Why couldn’t they have just been ok, and gone to the hospital? Tired of thinking about that kind of torment, the image is so horrid But there’s no one here, to express my feelings too and they just keep pouring in Afford to win? I’ve lost it all. My mind is the only place to hide away It’s the only time I feel right, and can actually confide in dismay ...And what I try and display on the outside, will never be shown Because on the inside the discernment won't ever be known Cleverly though, my mind is the only thing that’s kept me alive And the judgment for those that mattered, I still expected to survive ..and the only thing left in my mind, is that i'm the one next to die Now livin lonely, strongly. Not letting whats heavy on my mind hold me But Consoley i'm roaming. In one direction stolling, Tryin to Head Home The start of a new life. Parents Dead And Gone
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Let ME fiiiinnd ooout
Last edited by Civil. : 03-03-09 at 07:09 PM. |
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03-03-09, 07:04 PM | #6 | |||||||
Addicted
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IP: B158 C755
dope battle boys
Alpha man that was sick.... theres no time to grow frigid.... ... when the norm is transformed to warm I liked that line the most, flowed and ryhmed well, really liked your use of vocab added alot to your verse. Civil, wasn't sure what to expect from you I never saw you topical, but that was dope......It was sad man, but that was the feeling, it wasn't as complex but was consise, I liked it a lot Now I’m living in a foster home. And all the love and fears combined Because No one has any idea what that kind of loss, does to a fierce mind. Cheers Why? I'm all alone in this place, everything cold will be mild And I’m no longer the only child, feels like the only guide is fate those were dope this was a sick battle, really close but ima give it to Civil, just think he was able to come across more effectivly, all though alphas was dope too.
__________________
When I be selling grams I’m slinging bombs like Uncle Sam Myspace It's ok to make money, Legit or illegal... But it's treason when you turn your back on your people. |
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03-03-09, 08:56 PM | #7 | |||||
The Write Weight
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IP: 3839 9710
Alpha - It was pretty decent. I was thinking it was an improvement from my expectations in a way, but in another way it wasn't. I was expecting a bit more, not as in talent or skill, but as in depth of the piece. I was kind of like, lost. What happened to make him hospitalized, who were his loved ones, why did he feel that way, so on and so forth. You did, in fact, have some nice word choice and vocab. I was suprised by that, lol that was the last thing I expected from this league (no offense to anyone). You had some nice end rhyming and I see mad potential behind your writing... I think I said this last week but you remind me of me when I first started out writing, dope shit dude.. keep writing.. Just keep in mind what I said about the whole depth of your piece, keep it going and inform your readers whats going on...
Civil - Right off the bat, this is sick. I like it a lot and I've only gotten to the exact words "Thoughts". Dope shit so far... Well shit son. You fucked up the good vibe. I just finished this shit, I mean it wasn't bad but it ruined the whole 'this is dope as fuck' type deal I had going. You had some deep context, but the fucking rhyming fucked me up. I was so focused on trying to stay with it that I had to re-read a few lines twice, sometimes three times just to say it right because it didn't sound right in my head. To me, they seemed forced entirely too much, you should've sat and chilled for a while after writing the first stanza, because it was dope... When you feel that you're forcing shit, you ARE. Don't think, oh, this sounds good because I fucked with it for 3 hours.. Hell no, more than likely if it didn't sound good the first time it wasn't good to begin with. Anyhow, I still liked your piece a lot, but I was hoping for your whole piece to be as good as the begining. I'm disappointed in your mu'fucker. v/Civil. Dope shit for showing both |
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03-03-09, 09:13 PM | #8 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
Considering this is my first topical tourny ever, I'd say i'm getting better.
I think you told that before on RB Jonathan, or that was someone else haha. its a league Jon |
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03-04-09, 01:45 PM | #9 | ||||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: E075 E1FD
ok this was a decent battle I'm gonna do a cat break down on this
flow: civil imagry: civil emotion: alpha metaphors: civil overall: civil overall civil had a more polished verse doper all around but it was a good read from both props just loved the smoothness of one verse over the other |
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03-05-09, 01:36 PM | #10 | ||||
What' it do?
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IP: AA5B 746B
uppin.
__________________
__________________
Let ME fiiiinnd ooout
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03-05-09, 09:26 PM | #11 | |||||||
text.even geico can do it
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IP: 3AE9 A7D5
Alphabetized- didn't know you was into topicals, glad to see you expanding your skills fams. I thought the flow had its smoothness in parts. and the story itself, i felt was thought out very deeply, not even the storyline, you sort of brought some clearity to it in the beginning and I could tell what was ahead. but it was that pure intellectual thought of the second verse that really held the dopeness. i liked the after life from faith line too. deep
vs Civil.- to me, the picture had no point to the piece whatsoever.. but what you labeled as the beginning was dope man. the whole scene played out sick. I can tell your somebody i'm going to have to watch out for.. just that imagery that i know you can take up with the right wording and rhymescheme, its dangerous. and the thoughts about it.. just a bombardment of unstable emotions. It was a pretty crazy drop, and a nice read. I'd like to see you twist a topic up more in future weeks. shit i consider both yall threats. this is one league i aint gon sleep in. v/Civil keep dropping dope |
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03-06-09, 10:09 PM | #12 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
word dude, been working on it.
good verse civil |
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03-07-09, 12:00 PM | #13 | |||||
The Write Weight
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IP: 3839 9710
up over closed.
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03-07-09, 07:48 PM | #14 | ||||||||
Pushin it....
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IP: C019 9845
hmm
I'm truly empowered, because this tunnel I'm in has an end So with euphoria I tred, knowing I'm meeting friends Thoughts bend with these conceptions of reality my senses can feel cuz my perception ain't defective, my mind's consensus is real Depends on ya deal, and how you turn from livid and reform & theres no time to grow frigid.... ... when the norm is transformed to warm Miracles performed, as you enter into a new conscience That science will inform that you've conformed to some nonesence those were my favorite lines from Alpha Vivid Scenes, committed at heart, but feels like no one is forgiven me. My tolerance for everything that hurts, is caused by living dreams And exquisitely everything I’ve done has been hidden beneath, ...The thought that everything that’s been given to me can be taken astray Seriously Lord, The two people I loved. You've Taken Away. My mind is stuck, how can I escape that day, you took both my parents It couldn't have been worse timing, my dad had finally proposed marriage Now I’m living in a foster home. And all the love and fears combined Because No one has any idea what that kind of loss, does to a fierce mind. that was my favorite from Civil here's how i feel about this battle Alpha: He came with something very direct, his lyrical content was much better than Civil. He knows how to write poetry. but, after reading about of them, i felt more emotion, and better story told by Civil Civil's story was detialed enough, read smoothly, and also directed the emtional content it needed to make in order to win this match i really liked Civil's, and i also enjoyed Alpha's so props to both but my vote: Civil
__________________
Quote:
Destroyin Tricks on the Daily |
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03-07-09, 09:18 PM | #15 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
Both links, I have no EDIT option.
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3260608 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249245 |
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