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03-17-09, 11:55 AM | #1 | |||
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Alphabetized (1-1) vs Fuck Yuu (0-1)
IP: 4859 033E
Checkin in Wednesday Midnight Pacific. Drop by Friday Midnight Pacific. Voting ends Sunday Midnight Pacific. Topics MUST HAVE 3 LINKS IN CHECK-IN And one must be on either the champ Or the contender match.
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Fuck Yuu Productions
5x PS HOF 2004 Poet of the year 3X writer of the month |
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03-17-09, 05:50 PM | #3 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
Last edited by Alphabetized : 03-23-09 at 06:27 PM. |
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03-20-09, 10:27 AM | #4 | |||
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IP: 4556 7CE7
See If you can imagine this...here's the scene....
i'm on probation already for a year... i go to the mall with some friends and they get busted for shoplifting...because i'm with them, i take the fall as well.... and i had a weed pipe in my pocket now i'm going to court and probly going to jail so i get fucked up all the time...till it's almost time for court, fail a piss test... testing positive for meth, then in a desperate measure, i admit myself to a mental institution for detox...hoping it will keep me out of jail Written By: Fuck Yuu Written The Night I Admitted Myself i'm trapped in these confines..laying inside.. all the main that lies...within my own mind.. got a black bag, lack smokes, wish that i had contemplating how the FUCK i'm stuck in rehab so sad, mind wanders, what the hell am i to do melt glass, see smoke pass, can i make it through slowly inhale a little bit as the pipe gets a little warmer cup the flame to make the heat last sitting in the corner a mourner turned victim...all cuz i let the high slip in... dangle and flip, as i slowly gaze at what i've written.. fit in, i doubt it, i'm in a world that's really not my own.. twin beds...and a stranger..but 3 days i call it home.. never alone, constantly watched anger never dissapating.. patiently waiting, staff gazing, always anticipating... fearing i'll try and hurt myself, suicide being the worst thing and i admitted myself, look at the craziness this world brings heart stops thinkin, 3 dasy left, and my world is DETOX meth amphetamine coerced me, slowly see my mind lock thinkin of past times..i sit and write rhymes to ease the time give up on pipe dreams, for they will never free my mind waiting for the greenlight, so i can stoke up in the sunlight to toke up's against principal, so i write under the moonlight look for scars, none on my outer skin, they lacerate my brain constricted questions circle me, they're marking at my name not a game, this is real life...so i pray in restitution stay the execution....i dont' wanna be in jail... ......so instead i'm in a MENTAL INSTITUTION!...... What Would You Do?
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Fuck Yuu Productions
5x PS HOF 2004 Poet of the year 3X writer of the month Last edited by Fuck Yuu : 03-21-09 at 12:31 AM. |
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03-20-09, 11:39 PM | #5 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
Blood in the air
Absurd notions occur of deducting these words As I lay objective reflecting amongst the worms unable to squirm or even alleviate the burns So I smile while I'm presented with this deviant turn and as my vision blurs I'm not concerned... because I still view my actions as fair, because sometimes you need bloodshed to make people care And heres how It happened... I grew up in the hood, and always kept myself bright despite domestic issues around, I studied at night In hopes that the rights could overshadow the wrongs I even attended church on sundays and sang all the songs My faith was strong then, and what could I say I had nothing to offer God, except for my praise But it was just a phase, because when I told the ghost He needed to help my dad.. he died of an overdose while a week later I found a note my mom had wrote It read "I love you son", as I found her hanged with a rope and It's alarming how the mind can twist at the loss of hope and thats when starving turned into the carving of throats A usual day, be fluent today and keep shit under control A fresh dissected chest, some big breasts? your on patrol But you fiene for a chill, something real to spark andorphins So the first person you thirst to see.. cuz u know ur gonna whore'em The local preacher, a vocal teacher... you see faith in his eyes So you know you'll get hard when you try to abruptly surprise Gunshot? Nope, borin... Grab a shank ain't a prank in store man So when he goes out you can go in.. to his chest for some organs Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been 6 years since my last confession and these are my sins: I stabbed a preganant bitch in the tummy.. ... but first I made her say she loved me And i threw my middle finger up to the God above me I strangled a boy in the alley... ... he was meetin up with Sally so I chalked up 2 more to God with some tallys At this point the priest stood erected and then he interjected... Looks like Satan's doing more with you than expected!! He smiled, and from behind I'm grabbed fast and the chloroform pad knocked me right to my ass And I awoke... Absurd notions occur of deducting these words As I lay objective reflecting amongst the worms unable to squirm or even alleviate the burns So I smile while I'm presented with this deviant turn and as my vision blurs I'm not concerned... because I still view my actions as fair, because sometimes you need bloodshed to make people care
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I'm Beast. Last edited by Alphabetized : 03-20-09 at 11:43 PM. |
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03-20-09, 11:52 PM | #6 | |||
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IP: 3815 07C3
Umm my whole verse isn't there. Alpha can you edit it for me
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Fuck Yuu Productions
5x PS HOF 2004 Poet of the year 3X writer of the month |
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03-21-09, 12:32 AM | #7 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
Is that how u wanted it?
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I'm Beast. |
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03-21-09, 09:46 AM | #8 | ||||||
Herb
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IP: 4556 7CE7
That was what was in the pm you sent to youself mate.
Sorry if it wasn't all there. Fuck Yuu- A nice take on the topic. You described your characters mental state pretty well and illustriated the instituation with solid imagery and vocab. It would've been better in my mind if you could've worked your introduction into the man piece instead of just typing up the background to the piece. Alpah- Pretty dope, the story trundled along nicely with interesting twists and turns from start to finish, nice use of imagery throughout although i felt the piece faltered a bit when the guy started listing his crimes to the priest. The rhyme scheme could've been stronger but the ingredients for a dope piece were all there. Vote- Alpha, for a stronger piece overall. Sorry if i fucked up your drop fuck yuu, if that wasn't what you wanted, PM me when it's rectified and i'll review this battle again. |
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03-22-09, 11:51 AM | #10 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
upping this ?
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I'm Beast. |
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03-22-09, 02:21 PM | #11 | |||||
The Write Weight
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IP: 3839 9710
I'm confused?
Fuck yuu - eh, dude.. not so great honestly. i mean, i guess it was a new take on a topic like that, but where was the effort at man? it seemed like you were just like, 'fuck it, i gotta write for this, lets struggle it out'.. feel me? i really think you could've done way better than that. and if this is the truth though, i was in rehab too, but mine was a mix between jail and rehab, it isnt that bad, you could be in worse places, trust, i've been there. but yeah, keep writing bro, thanks for helpin out this week, im still really sick... but keep writing. alpha - wow.. uh, wow. i wasnt expecting this, it was really a story, quite a story. good job.. to say the least. i liked it, you really seemed to improve since last week. you had some nice little lines, the confessions were sick... i am proud of ya, lol... i figured this would be a lot closer but fuck yuu didnt seem to care this week and you dropped a lot better so... its kinda obvious how this week went.. =/ v/ alpha, good job |
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03-23-09, 10:34 PM | #12 | |||||||
text.even geico can do it
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IP: 3AE9 A7D5
fuck- I wasn't really feeling the intro, but the scenerio is imaginable and everything, just should have been flowed out by itself i think. there were a couple of dope bars in the verse, and you were able to describe being institutionalized pretty well, no one really used this topic this week. some deep views, I think you should've spiced the flow up though and added a bit more imagery imo. cool drop
Alpha- hahaha, dope shit man. a crazy killer lost in a never ending cycle of chaos and murder. yes yes I was liking the flow, the depth and drama of the piece and where you took the topic, it was very creative. I see you becoming more and more of a threat man, at first I honestly didnt know how to take the twist at the end.. good drop v/alpha |
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03-25-09, 12:30 PM | #13 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: 916E 6271
Topic Use- Tie
Imagery- Alpha Emotion- Alpha Readability- Tie Complexity- Tie Literary Elements- Alpha Enjoyment- Alpha Vote- Alpha. |
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03-25-09, 04:03 PM | #14 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
lol @ the last vote. ^
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I'm Beast. |
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03-28-09, 05:58 AM | #15 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: 3EEA CE8F
Alpha wins by unanimous
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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