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05-10-03, 06:21 AM | #1 | |||||||
BANNED - Pink Slipped
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First Rap Diss... help please
IP: DCAD 8491
i wrote a dis to all the wanna-bes out there. any advice or feedback on it?
Ok you 8 mile eminem fan wanna-be-MC's// its time you see me then turn green-wid-envy// at me, the L-A-B R-A-T MC with high dignity// i kickin, splitin-and-shittin// at yo chickens-with-mittens// Drop a real verse, instead of posin// because hip-hop-pop is your chosin// you's are all shit and shat// couldnt rhyme fat-cat-with-a-hat-sat-on-a-mat// together in a line, the lesson is rap dont want teeny's in its youth// so sit back down in kindy class and read up on your Dr. Zuess// you teeny-boppa, no clue of big-poppa// listen to this oz-hip-hoppa// no cuss words in these dissin ties// cause little skill requierd to make you french fries// burned up, so shut up// regroup and hug up// i dont need to be a magical mystikal mage// to call you up and embarress you on theatrical stage// so sit behind you keyboard and write or type// use your school friends for lines and at night-come-and-fight// before you diss at the lab rat firstly check youself// cause those rhymes weaker than an anarexic's health// |
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05-10-03, 08:17 AM | #2 | ||||||
overseas mc
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IP: 5944 49F7
that was ok but to many weak lines in
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05-10-03, 08:44 AM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: EDAF 43CC
That was anything but ok
One of the worst is when you rhyme ur name by spelling it:: Example.. Its the B to the A to the doube Z y// Bla bla bla bla bla bla why// Rhyming ur name like that is wack.....that explains a bit of snoop dogg too....the fucking idiot spells out his name.....fucking bullshit rapper he is But it wasnt bad for ur first diss... But still at any standards it wasnt ok PZZ P.S. Keep trying |
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05-10-03, 05:44 PM | #4 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: DA66 E693
it was ok
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05-11-03, 03:43 AM | #5 | |||||||
BANNED - Pink Slipped
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IP: 9F91 B0D6
thanks... i keep workin at my lines
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05-11-03, 01:28 PM | #6 | ||||
Yeah Keep Biting.
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IP: FB17 5F3C
it all tooo simple
like you're kittens-with-mittens. wtf is a kitten with mittens and typing-like-this-does-not-make-your lines tighter. it was ok... just keep elevating.. and try playing with your words more.. like... "kids confined to curses in they're verses, but when they're versus me." see what i did with verses.. i flipped with and played with it.. just try to make a combination of just 2-3 words have 2 diffrent meanings. |
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05-11-03, 01:31 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 2CE9 88E8
i agree. simple but who givez a fuck. Hey u an auzzie to huh? mad shit. Gday howz it goin? where bouts in Australia u from?
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05-11-03, 01:58 PM | #8 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 3B6A D8F3
yea, g pretty much hit da nail on da head, it was too generic, flip it out and switch words around and shit, make it more agressive and funny when battlin, check out rise's lesson, i think somebody else has a lesson 2
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05-11-03, 03:22 PM | #9 | |||||||
..:Currently Retired::..
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IP: 1EDC 2A63
Extremely simple...no wordplay or anything.....go peep battling 101 and battling 102 for help....final answer
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