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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
06-20-03, 09:58 AM
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#1
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Sharp Perfection.
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children can teach us lessons
IP: 6236 079F
yo all thanks for checking in here it goes,
I find myself again staring up thoughtless at that old ceiling fan// thinking of all those great times together wanting just to hold in my hands// I will never forget the way your toothless smile unburden my days// and how your permanent endearment change forever my ways// Every breath u inhaled through your miniature freckled nose// made my whole body chime with love right down to my toes// Every beautiful sight that your vivid brown eyes did take in// made me apprehend that God does relinquish all of my sins// You taught me everything with your heart pure of gold// critical things like your love for someone is prime to be told// You taught me substance that only a genuine child could teach// essential things to you like just the right way to bite into a peach// All of your clever dreamy lessons I will never forget// but I am asking one big-hearted last favour from you yet// All that I ask of you is mere yet so significant// I am asking you to never forget this face and to wait for me up there high in heaven.... // yeah the last line doesnt really fit but hey start uppin this shit
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven Last edited by filed : 06-20-03 at 10:53 AM. |
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06-20-03, 11:04 AM
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#2
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 399E F0FD
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven Last edited by filed : 06-20-03 at 12:27 PM. |
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06-20-03, 11:57 PM
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#3
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4577 CD9A
looking for some replys here keep on coming
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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06-21-03, 01:39 AM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: CEF5 716F
ey girl..it seems we encounter eachother again and yet you never make it a dull visit...you got mad skills and i can envision each - and - every line that comes together to make come to life...i felt you on this - keep it up boo
holla |
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06-23-03, 09:40 PM
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#5
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BANNED For Spam
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IP: 8A8C 512E
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06-23-03, 09:41 PM
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#6
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BANNED For Spam
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IP: 8A8C 512E
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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06-27-03, 08:55 AM
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#7
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 399E F0FD
thx all except thick blood here keep uppin
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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06-27-03, 04:49 PM
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#8
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Tampons are expensive
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IP: EF0A E7B2
alright...this piece is not that bad but couldve been better ya kno if u used wordplays...but that was just a suggestion..i mean its good as it is....
the content of this piece was pretty interesting by the fact that u structured it according to what u want....and thats really impressive well..i liked it ...
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<br><br><center>- Shiznit - - Tampons are still expensive - - That's a Fact - </center> |
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06-27-03, 08:04 PM
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#9
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Guest
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IP: 4F2B 4EA2
I liked this filed.
Though i felt you were a bit too elaborate at times, especiallyt in terms of the ryhme scene. But using a kind of simplicity you really bought this piece out to the reader. Especially the way you implemented imagery. ..resp.. PS I will close this thread. When you have LESS THAN 2 pieces on the first page, PM me, Shiznit, Phrantik or Deacon and we will re-open it and up it to the first page. Sorry, not your fault. Rule only started 8 mins ago. |
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