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09-04-03, 05:43 PM | #1 | |||||||
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TrU StOrY:.....As ShE DyEz In Da MiRrOr
IP: E511 FA9D
As she diez in the mirror
I look into her eyes and see a broken soul Experiencing a life filled with hardship and cold I see the misuse she so calmly hides She makes my heart crumble when haunting memories make her cry Traumatic situations have become a familiar misery Drama suffocates her world without room to breathe She needs to get away from her life but has no where to go As she looks ahead she sees a neverending road Reaching out her arms for comfort and relief Realizing no one is around to help her release Love comes and goes like feathers in the wind Realizing life's a battle some lose and some win But still she sits away and wonders from within. Is it her fault for failing trials and tripulations Or is it just a test of strength for future contemplation Still tension and animosity within her escalates Trying to block out this feeling she never can escape Instead she goes numb looking through her life With a cold empty stare no twinkle in her eyes Nothing is left of her she is hopeless It's what she has become and clearly she knows this Endless days cold unforgiving nights Making her wonder if it's even worth the fight She loses the knowledge between pain and pleasure Keeping it so well hidden that she doesn't even remember Believing in her own fake smile when a mirror she has passed Inside she contemplates how much longer she can last On the verge of crazy when she looks up from rock bottom Waiting for true friends to help her realizing she don't got 'em She turns to God but he can only listen No reply when she asks why this life she's been given She breaks my heart when I glimpse into her soul faded pride and powered fury bound forever in pain that never grows old Stuck in a daze as she gazes Into this life which she is enslaved Immune to the memories between mad and insane Careful not to hear her own cries and careful not to show her pain She doesn't even recognize the girl in the mirror Until she sobers up and her mind becomes clearer Each day I pray that this girl will find a way to break free And each night I wish that this girl wasn't me. |
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09-04-03, 05:44 PM | #2 | |||||||
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IP: E511 FA9D
Hit me up wit sum feedbak an ill do tha sayme....................btw this is a tru story~1luv~
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09-05-03, 12:36 AM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: 399E F0FD
UNBELIEVABLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is truely great work. Great build up and a powerful ending..... Keep doin what ur doin this is great .............. PEACE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> |
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09-05-03, 06:37 AM | #4 | ||||||
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IP: 9B33 081B
loooong ass piece lol.................but seriously this reminds me of that song by tweet.............just cuz it has that forlorn feeling to it.........kinda makes me sad though just because i am a firm believer in loving yourself before you love anyone else........keep ya head up boo your special.....................the poem was smooth and deep and like i said had a kinda dark and haunting feel to it.............not horror movie haunted just depressed and eerie..............you really could have taken this in many different directions but i enjoyed the path you chose..........one of the better drops i've seen....................1
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09-05-03, 07:09 AM | #5 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: C7FD 614D
Smooth indeed, the flow was incredbile. And pretty good upped vocab to go along with everything, while suprisingly not being forced or artificial. This poem was just very elevated, but very natural. And that, in itself, is very hard to do.
I thought this to be a very depressive peice. I mean, I can relate to it a hundred percent, on the real. But I guess we have different reactions. The first verse, I can completly understand. But when I have those thoughts, I generally become suicidal. I mean, no hope at all... so why bother with anything? But you reacted by just not giving a fuck, by basicly becoming cold inside. Even though you aint supposed to be. Much Respect. ~Shalom~ |
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09-05-03, 08:44 PM | #6 | ||||||
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IP: E772 2D41
structure and vocab,all together u had this piece down pack.~1~
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09-06-03, 12:59 AM | #7 | |||||||
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IP: E511 FA9D
Every1~thanx 4 tha replys i really appriciate that u all took tha tyme to read diz and takin even more tyme to look into a persons lyrics.U guyz really caught seen more than wat i intended.So once again thanx 4 havin smart eyes.And ya, 4 tha record my sister is BADASSBITCH4LIFE and JTRIX is my brother!
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09-06-03, 01:04 AM | #8 | ||||
That's Right...I'm White
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IP: 4003 7650
nice and long piece
very depressive, like necro said you said what you wanted and got it out nicely nice drop keep it up, look forward for more from ya peace |
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09-06-03, 01:31 PM | #9 | |||||||
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IP: E511 FA9D
Thanx 4 the feedbak~1luv~
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09-07-03, 12:02 PM | #10 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
iight
girl i loved this, and in many ways i could relate, and i do feel that many ppl can, id say a great percent of ppl feel just as lost and left behind as you and i do. i do belive i could have been able to tell this was a true story from all the pure emotion that was flowing throu this piece. flow was great, and so was your vocab just remember that in a world so big there is always someone of there who cares and wants to help, you just got to leave behind the ppl that pull you down, the ones you leave you when you need them more then anything. just want you to know that i can relate to this so much, and it really did touch me, after coming to RB ive relised that im not so different then ppl as i thought i was, that there are ppl having problems just like me, and also ive had a hard time opening up to anybody even myself, and that reading pieces here, sometimes revel whats going on inside me in a new light, makes it a bit easier to understand my love ~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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09-07-03, 02:18 PM | #11 | |||||||
~OrIgINaL eXeCuToNeR~
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
you shouldnt a started with ya title for ya openin...it tainted the suspense of what "could" have been in ya poem....this was nice though...i liked the flowetry in ya 1st stanza
but when you ended wit But still she sits away and wonders from within ^^ ya word usage coulda been better...take that line..figure out why it doesnt sound right...n reword it... Into this life which she is enslaved Immune to the memories between mad and insane Careful not to hear her own cries and careful not to show her pain ^^^^absolutley loved your flow here...mos def a nice rhyme.. the second stanza was coo..but parts of it were repetitive to somma the ish you said in the first stanza.... and then the home stretch Each day I pray that this girl will find a way to break free And each night I wish that this girl wasn't me. great finish!...but because ya begginin was horrible...if i was soe offic. judge...i'd mark you because your beggining could have climaxed what suprize you left the reader in the end...but nicely done flow- was nice weak n some areas wordplay- some word misusage but some well played out phrases structure - self image has been done...but, it is the pure depiction of inner self which must come wit intellect...you did the thang wit this...to acknowlede your being of thought... fa sho... igido
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freelance RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S |
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