15 Lin Min

25 Lin Max

Check In: Oct. 3rd

Due Date:Oct. 6th

Topic: A Sinner's Last Words..

Good Luck.

yeaaaa...im in the third round...yeaaaaa...
im about to send this computer of mine
in to repair the e drive and I wont have
it for almost a lil over a week but I should
be able to come up with something quick...
if by chance my ass is unavailable "Proffitt"
would be a good replacement for mi

this should be enough...............................

muahahahahhahahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahaha. ......................................
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*Exellent*

__________________
freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S

displays of the attention span of a flutterbug...

muahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha






















splendid matchup gege...thank you...
Nancy Demik should be here still
but the judging was perfect all n all

( A Spoken Word Piece..The Pauses Are Deliberate)

Dear God...and realest friends ive crossed paths with,

Salutatuions patrons....i'm a sinner with ongoing self conflictions
Why are the fights like these..attempts at living righteously
Render myself almost content when the night light leaves
This citys illuminated manuscripts contain my pipers dreams!..:sighs:
Plummers thoughts...yes indeed....all that good ish...in my dream
I spelled "help" in the sand with a sharpened wood stick seen
But it never 'shook wind!'..nowadays I help myself for fulfillment
Amongst this perplexing maze of "utencils galore" and 'footprints'

~8~

Striving to lift the drawbridge manning that lighthouse for perfect pathways hopefully
Things will get better as of late 'lifes hard' meeting those halfways,my complexions varied
From caramel to yellow overlaped with 'bright scars'..attitudes usually that calm and mellow Home aloner but damn you know this all already dontcha? Serendipitously seeking satisfying Sweet serenity...salvation surely 'suckers'! until its the end of mi this hearts been 'crushed up'
..:sighs:..Im a six foot one eighty blispanic irish indian...walking!...fucking!...:sighs:...pillbox!,
That lovely rich pharmacists perscripted daily planner fingertiped distributed from
Your self contributed abilities to uplift the will to live in me !!!", damn yallz..what a ventriloquist!!

~16~

These tarnished wings need refurnished for flight away to a brighter day
The citys screaming yet I wish that everyday was like today (sung)
And oh....some last words....fine...fuck you in clarity for all of those that thought you knew me...
Only a select few among higher planes only witness me truly,to my realest money's not worth You id take that bullet to preserve you, i'll be here for you forever honestly representing every Aspect of a person,as a best friend a musician that daily comic or friendly servant..with love..

~22~

(A finale of sorts...he murmurs to himself quickly(say fast*))

"Cloud Nine!" companys comforting, no dreams! no worries! no movies!, I live my own!,
My life!"Cloud Nine!"

~23~

(His head had slowly tilted back before remaining in something similar to a fetal position taking control of his own kismet to bring forth a deep eternal slumber..severed wisdom...mi stories finished)

~25~

Theres mi dealy..wish Nancy Demik was still around
If you have heard anything you know I can rhyme anything*
Im so damn wack arent I?

that was some crazy deep shit man, everytime i read one of your

pieces its like i'm on acid or sum shit, you conjure sureal images.

and all with emotion too, nice allround piece

favourite lines:
Striving to lift the drawbridge manning that lighthouse for perfect pathways hopefully
Things will get better as of late 'lifes hard' meeting those halfways,my complexions varied
From caramel to yellow overlaped with 'bright scars'

tyte piece content....nice imagery.....perfect structure for a free verse and very consistent.....u stayed on track and ur style was perfect
good shit man this was by far one of the best u actually put up....nice nice....and again nice

__________________
.TCS.

Why?
To these ends I meet my demise, an yet all of you have been there…
Through my triumphs…many a great victory…and alas yet, my despair…
My children…who art in heaven, may my message heal thy bleeding hearts…
Do not cry for what I have become…it is best that from this realm I depart…
I am changing…but to what I know not of…
I am fearful for you all…and yet am I?…the answers you seek are from above…
I love you all, and always have…countless joy have you brought me since each your birth…
There are no words I can explain verbally…but can bee seen through joy and mirth…
Toward these ends…these ends, the corruption of blood, I am cursed…
But dare you leave me like this now? Why, I created you all… you were to be my successors!
Do you not gaze upon me and pity my disposition…or does your subconscious depict that my demise is for the better?
Why…why, means more that it implies…
Can you not see? I can…I have seen it in each and every of your eyes…
This is how you shall leave me? This is your way of showing your gratitude?
Toward your mentor who taught you… and loved you… then cast me to the way side to a state of mental solitude!
I am that superior, to the goals that you seek…the state of nirvana envisioned by me is the only way....
I hold the keys…the secrets that you seek…I am the absolute being that can open the gateway!
And you hold me from achieving this last, my attempt in what time I have left among you?
For it is I! who will shift and cultivate a new! Among which you seek to bring equilibrium…ha ha ha…you fools!
I wish your wings to burn, just as the dwelling to which I have been restrained to, through mind, body, and, soul…
May my spirit haunt you!…may my soul exceed that of these walls to daunt onto you all!!
Come one…come all…my rise shall be the coming of all your fall…
And I…………….
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The words of the fallen Damien transcend through the dark caves only to land upon def ears….


*silent whisper*
IIIIIIIII...wiiiiiiiiilllllll beeeeee baaaaaack......muahahahhahha!!!!!!

__________________
freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S

Damn it feels good to be back.......hmmmm.....after i read these 2 long ass poetry verses here's what I came up with.....


Content....

I couldn't pick out a line cause the whole thing from top to bottom was ill!

"Only a select few among higher planes only witness me truly,to my realest money's not worth You id take that bullet to preserve you, i'll be here for you forever honestly representing every Aspect of a person,as a best friend a musician that daily comic or friendly servant..with love.. "

One of the last lines ^^^^^^
Tight!

The whole thing just flowed.


Madd Preacher.....

Well it sounded like....preaching....its very good and it went well together...

"Toward your mentor who taught you… and loved you… then cast me to the way side to a state of mental solitude!
I am that superior, to the goals that you seek…the state of nirvana envisioned by me is the only way....
I hold the keys…the secrets that you seek…I am the absolute being that can open the gateway!"

Nice drop...


In the end, Content shined through with his wordplay and complex usage....

But I'm not the one who can vote....so props to both!

:sighs:....

will someone judge this before we grow old with
our testicles swollen up into the size or raisins and
we cant fuck anymore ferfucksake?

Gege
Phrantik
Camarac
Shiznit
Deacon

Gege
Phrantik
Camarac
Shiznit
Deacon

Im not one of them however i am voting:

first off content:
A Spoken Word Piece..The Pauses Are Deliberate)

Dear God...and realest friends ive crossed paths with,

Salutatuions patrons....i'm a sinner with ongoing self conflictions
Why are the fights like these..attempts at living righteously
Render myself almost content when the night light leaves
This citys illuminated manuscripts contain my pipers dreams!..:sighs:

you kno how i picture this peice? You standing firm and tall in front of a podeum of thousands and thousands of people this is a speech of poetry not just a poem but a preach
..:sighs:..Im a six foot one eighty blispanic irish indian...walking!...fucking!...:sighs:...pillbox!,
That lovely rich pharmacists perscripted daily planner fingertiped distributed from
Your self contributed abilities to uplift the will to live in me !!!", damn yallz..what a ventriloquist!!
i love the diffrent nouns u used you brought in so many different things to relate to not only people but things objects everyday items that we have seen before it added so much variety to your peice

~16~
i love the number reference to put things in that chronoligical order makes it simple for us and if pehpas we reach that number age wise we are realting to the piece which helps our personal understanding in the end
These tarnished wings need refurnished for flight away to a brighter day
MY ABSOLUTE favortie line of your peice i loved that line so much





(A finale of sorts...he murmurs to himself quickly(say fast*))
you would be a great coffe lounch opetic story teller you kno that TH ECOFFEE buisiness would be booming and youd be rich n famous the vivd vibe is so strong thorught this entire peice your simply amazing

"Cloud Nine!" companys comforting, no dreams! no worries! no movies!, I live my own!,
My life!"Cloud Nine!"
the cloud 9 refernce is great its like the FINAL thing we all want is to be happy have everything go great for us and to realize that WOW this is heaven (reference to cloud) great usuage of words
~23~

(His head had slowly tilted back before remaining in something similar to a fetal position taking control of his own kismet to bring forth a deep eternal slumber..severed wisdom...mi stories finished)
mi stories
finished is wow because you never kno its you tell then and yet it still may not be its hard to differtiate between teh characters the word kismet is one im not familiar with i suppose i will have to go look that up[b]


MADD:
Why?
[b] a nice easyintro that leds to the mystery of your peice
To these ends I meet my demise, an yet all of you have been there…
reminds me of tupac in the even of my demise....great follower to the WHY statement

I love you all, and always have…countless joy have you brought me since each your birth…
i just felt that that was beautiful it made me think of when a new mother finally gets to hold her child and all pain and what not is forgotten by the glance of th enew child
There are no words I can explain verbally…but can bee seen through joy and mirth…
Toward these ends…these ends, the corruption of blood, I am cursed…
that was nice right there THESE ends when in allreality there is only One true end...that itself being death and depending on your belif there may be no end (ie. reserection and such)
But dare you leave me like this now? Why, I created you all… you were to be my successors!
that is strong that SHOULD BE the point where you hear yelling you hear the voice of the speaker/writer/ character



Can you not see? I can…I have seen it in each and every of your eyes…
This is how you shall leave me? This is your way of showing your gratitude?
bold simply bold statement making me personally realize that hey shaynea maybe your not as grateful as you should be


I hold the keys…the secrets that you seek…I am the absolute being that can open the gateway!
And you hold me from achieving this last, my attempt in what time I have left among you?
and there we have the writings in teh bible all teh attempts the failures the succeedings everything that was ever done great refernce

I wish your wings to burn, just as the dwelling to which I have been restrained to, through mind, body, and, soul…

for the wings to burn i belive is the ending DEMISE for the character its as if the wings are burned then death will soon folllow
May my spirit haunt you!…may my soul exceed that of these walls to daunt onto you all!!
Come one…come all…my rise shall be the coming of all your fall…
And I……………. i cannnot descrpe how important this was to the structure and overall look of your peice its something that cant be heard, cant be felt, but can be seen and it added so much UNIQNESS to the presentation of the entire peice
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The words of the fallen Damien transcend through the dark caves only to land upon def ears….


great job and im in awe ( i find myself like that alot lately)

THIS WAs EVEN harder than th elast one to vote on and its so hard because i loved both so much and i kno when you read IT WAS SO HARd your prolly thinking shes jsut saying that cuz everyone says that but im being honest it is really difficult to decide and based on my personal poinion i lean madd preachers way for his unique references and beautiful writing

Content~

"Salutatuions patrons....i'm a sinner with ongoing self conflictions
Why are the fights like these..attempts at living righteously
Render myself almost content when the night light leaves
This citys illuminated manuscripts contain my pipers dreams!..:sighs:
Plummers thoughts...yes indeed....all that good ish...in my dream
I spelled "help" in the sand with a sharpened wood stick seen
But it never 'shook wind!'..nowadays I help myself for fulfillment
Amongst this perplexing maze of "utencils galore" and 'footprints' "

This was superb...For a number of reasons...the message is introduced early on and then defended in the next couple of lines with fantastic imagery, wordplay, and perfect word choices. Really extremely well written and great opening bit.

"Striving to lift the drawbridge manning that lighthouse for perfect pathways hopefully
Things will get better as of late 'lifes hard' meeting those halfways,my complexions varied
From caramel to yellow overlaped with 'bright scars'..attitudes usually that calm and mellow Home aloner but damn you know this all already dontcha? Serendipitously seeking satisfying Sweet serenity...salvation surely 'suckers'! until its the end of mi this hearts been 'crushed up'
..:sighs:..Im a six foot one eighty blispanic irish indian...walking!...fucking!...:sighs:...pillbox!,
That lovely rich pharmacists perscripted daily planner fingertiped distributed from
Your self contributed abilities to uplift the will to live in me !!!", damn yallz..what a ventriloquist!!"

once again, great imagery in the beginning lines..Great insight given unto the speaker in this part, we sort of see his attitude emerging and a little bit of reasoning as to why he is a sinner starting to surface..Nice alliteration with the "s" in that middle line, good, balanced use of poetic elements.

"These tarnished wings need refurnished for flight away to a brighter day
The citys screaming yet I wish that everyday was like today (sung)
And oh....some last words....fine...fuck you in clarity for all of those that thought you knew me...
Only a select few among higher planes only witness me truly,to my realest money's not worth You id take that bullet to preserve you, i'll be here for you forever honestly representing every Aspect of a person,as a best friend a musician that daily comic or friendly servant..with love.. "

Very powerful, I love the personification and imagery in the "city screaming", great line..The anger and intensity is so profound in this bit.."tarnished wings" also a great reference and symbol of sin..

And the 'finale of sorts'..Very original and creative way to end it..seemed sort of a play, rather than a poem..I dont know how mnay different ways i can come up with for saying "great imagery and very well written"...so I'll just keep repeating them to make it understood. GREAT IMAGERY, VERY WELL WRITTEN!!
Great Job, Content..I expected nothing less from you.

MADD~

"Why?
To these ends I meet my demise, an yet all of you have been there…
Through my triumphs…many a great victory…and alas yet, my despair…
My children…who art in heaven, may my message heal thy bleeding hearts…
Do not cry for what I have become…it is best that from this realm I depart…"

This is a great opening, I really felt it..You came up with a creative way to introduce the topic, I love that whole stanza, from it we get subtle glimpses of the speakers background, present and even future...Very nicely written.

"I am changing…but to what I know not of…
I am fearful for you all…and yet am I?…the answers you seek are from above…
I love you all, and always have…countless joy have you brought me since each your birth…
There are no words I can explain verbally…but can bee seen through joy and mirth…
Toward these ends…these ends, the corruption of blood, I am cursed…
But dare you leave me like this now? Why, I created you all… you were to be my successors!
Do you not gaze upon me and pity my disposition…or does your subconscious depict that my demise is for the better?"

This is where the piece takes an interesting turn, I think..The speaker seems to go from a calm introspection, or analyzation of himself, to suddenly getting mad at....whoever "they all" are.

"Why…why, means more that it implies…
Can you not see? I can…I have seen it in each and every of your eyes…
This is how you shall leave me? This is your way of showing your gratitude?
Toward your mentor who taught you… and loved you… then cast me to the way side to a state of mental solitude!
I am that superior, to the goals that you seek…the state of nirvana envisioned by me is the only way....
I hold the keys…the secrets that you seek…I am the absolute being that can open the gateway!"

I'd say this way my favorite part..splendid imagery and good job of getting the reader to see things exactly the way the speaker does...

"And you hold me from achieving this last, my attempt in what time I have left among you?
For it is I! who will shift and cultivate a new! Among which you seek to bring equilibrium…ha ha ha…you fools!
I wish your wings to burn, just as the dwelling to which I have been restrained to, through mind, body, and, soul…
May my spirit haunt you!…may my soul exceed that of these walls to daunt onto you all!!
Come one…come all…my rise shall be the coming of all your fall…"

Wow..the last line was tremendous...A wicked kind of impact it harbored..And of course the last part..very interesting and creative way to end it..
Very Nicely done, Madd.

I knew i was doing a hell of a thing when I partnered you two up for this battle.......It's interesting the differences in the verse, how Content's speaker seemed one to maybe seek forgiveness, while Madd's showed no remorse. Makes it even harder to judge, for they both were equally effective in their messages...

Madd, your piece was very powerful, both in its presentation and all around aura....It had that whole "mwuahahaa" vibe to it...which I've seen that a lot in your pieces...
Content, your piece had beautiful poetic power, in all of the imagery, word usage, word play, alliteration, personification..I like the approach you took, the way you chose to make these "last words of a sinner" something somewhat positive..
Madd, if you would have stayed on the same tone that you had in the first 4 lines, you might have won this in my eyes...You were strong when you focused on yourself, but when you started yelling and incorporating everyone else into the piece, it kind of lost focus and intensity, for me anyway.
This was close, but Im voting for CONTENT.
All of the elements combined in his piece, I feel made it somewhat more appealing to read..Its like, if the pieces were paintings..both were colorful~Madd's had crazy brush strokes, while Content's had smaller details that had a big effect on the big picture.(the small details being with the imagery, personification, word play, ect.)..Hope that wasnt too confusing of a metaphor...
Nice job by both poets tho.
VOTE: CONTENT

SHIZNIT, DEACON, CAMARAC, OR PHRANTIK will be needed to break this tie.

I thought Content took this, although again,
a nice showing from Preach, both brought two
different takes on the topic, good imagery,
depth, wordchoice, i felt contents writers voice
was stronger in his verse, emotional side was
pretty equal, not really a lot in it, but as a
whole i liked Con's take on it more - very
powerful and well written.

Sorry i didnt get really indepth with the votes this round, but i had LLL / SS / moderating to do, i just didnt wanna no show after you asked me to be judge here.

Take it or leave it.

VoteContent

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t