yo, Forever-im-signed to severin-minds that are never-inclined to be as clever-as-mine,
if there was ever-a-time i lost-to-you its cause i was dazed like a prostitute lost-in-a-maze,
my shit'll be ancient like the way fossils-amaze, get tossed inna cage when u cross-wit-ma-rage,
u think u the unbeatable but ill prove to you im the boss-of-the-stage,
people claim im wack but im just sick of the accusations ill send u back-in-rations,
the only reason u still tryin to rap is cause u fuckin wack-wit-patience,
got fired from subway.. but Im still able to Tightly-Wrap. (rap)
u think u can get at me like that but u more then just slightly-wack,
ANY MOTHERFUCKER wanna battle me then just write-me-back,

This was okay.. I got the feeling you think your really good b'cos you boast alot in this piece.. To put it bluntly..

You are wack..

But heres what you do.. Either take it and actually become someone who can write a hald decent piece or keep thinking your amazing when your not

Think of a topic..(not boasting)

Write your views on it with the multis.. The multis were the only okay thing in this.. Good piece.. Your very elementry but it can be done

Pz.. Reply back to other open mic or this will be closed by sum1.. no doubt

thanks for the feedback bro.. i hear ya bout the boasting shit...

i can only get better. (if people keep doing what u just did)
peace

Yeah atleast you accepted the crit.. I'll peep your next one you do and see if you deliver with more meaning..

Yeah like he said^^you're whack.You had way too many multis horrible wordplay with the "rap" and "wrap".You need to up your metties,vocab&wordplay some of your lines diden't really make sense at times.

^^^That made no sense^^
It also seemed a lil forced in my view.You need to just let things flow off the top of your head.
That'll be all
Overall rating:-5/10

that was harsh bro, but thanks for backing up potents opinion, now i know its true for sure, i just posted a new one though, peep it.