When Darkness Falls - Rob D
Not Right - Defend
Rappers Done Gone Soft - A.T

INFO: This is a peice bout a girl I know who I love to bits but we have like an Eminem/Kim friendship. We argue a lot and this time the friendship just might be over. So I should say we WERE freinds but I wanted more. This is a diss to her. Her name is Alysha and I still love her.

Verse 1
Imagine if we could go back to when we met in school...
Would I still fall for you like a fool...
Would I still go round sayin Alysha rules...
Would you still change and become so cruel...
If so, I don't wanna meet you again, you were the girl of my dreams...
But you changed, became a bitch, I guess friendship aint all it seems...
We were untouchable til you started aimin disses at me like laser beams...
To me you were a queen, I was so close to you...
Yes I still love you but I dunno what to do...
I wont cope without you but I'm gon' have to...
I think I've lost you and the thought hurts me...
But I gotta be strong coz really you never cared for me...
I realise that you were frontin' when you were there for me...

Chorus
You were the #1 girl in my life...
You woulda made the perfect wife...
But now I look at a knife and think of suicide...
You've broke my heart, it'll be easier if I just died...
You told me to control my anger and yes I tried...
But you kept complainin so the end has arrived...

Verse 2
Do you really know what you've gone and done...
I know longer have I anythin to lose, I'll easily use a gun...
You crashed down on me like a ton of bricks...
Always talkin bout other lads like you were suckin their dicks...
I cant take your games and tricks anymore...
Bitch I prefered how you was before so I'm a show you the door...
I love you right down to the core so my heart feels sore...
You fuckin whore, you want forgiveness?, get on your knees...
When Harry died you said you would always be there for me...
What a liein, decietful, spiteful bitch you turned out to be...
Finally the real you is what I see, you've been my rock...
But fuck you, go make a livin out of suckin cocks...
Go shut yourself away in a box and never come out...
No more do I wanna scream and shout...

Chorus
You were the #1 girl in my life...
You woulda made the perfect wife...
But now I look at a knife and think of suicide...
You broke my heart, it'll be easier if I just died...
You told me to control my anger and yes I tried...
But you kept complainin so the end has arrived...

Outro - Singing
You just a whore...
You just a whore...
You just a whore...
And we aint friends no more...

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

aiight
ur open mics seem to be gettin longer.

aiight
some lines were simple and let the peace down
Imagine if we could go back to when we met in school...
Would I still fall for you like a fool...
Would I still go round sayin Alysha rules...
Would you still change and become so cruel...
^^^perfect example^^^

but other lines made this piece stand out,
I cant take your games and tricks anymore...
Bitch I prefered how you was before so I'm a show you the door...


this piece seemed to be wrote out of hate, and that blinded you, with a lot of abusive language.

it was an aiight drop


please peep the poetry section ans reply to my latest drop
life, future, death, past


aiight
peace

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<center><img src=http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=6921=1 border=0></center>

oh yeah amd i signed us up for the next tag tourney, cos we didnt get into this one

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<center><img src=http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=6921=1 border=0></center>

dont just view and not reply you lazy bastards

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

i like this coz it shows uv let ur feelins out in a song and that always comes out gd wen u gt summat deep 2 rite about. i kno the feelin m8....

OK thanks for the comments...keep 'em comin. It aint no longer than lyrics to a song by your favourite rappers and I bet you read them so dont be lazy.

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

up

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

lol dont know how to critique it
seven said it all... i agree wit him...
but i really didnt feel any of the lyrics..
im not into the lovely i love u shit unless u mean it..

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Reppin NUCLEAR CONCEPTS


Grimey - Records

Everythin in my open mics is the truth....I talk bout my life.
I love her to bits but some times you get really pissed off and say things you dont wanna say. I feel a bit guilty for postin this coz I love her and we're tryin to sort things out between us. This was wrote after an arguement so what I'm sayin is the truth

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

will to be honest i think this piece was tight u came real about how u feel over some chick and u was able to write it down in a rhyme and share it wit us......now unfortunately double o seven is right it was a lil simple but it did have a few lines dat made it more worth da complex piece it could be but other than that i think its a nice piece and i would like to read more of ur work to be able to critique on ur overall flow....tight work

illest line of this piece in my opinion:

"When Harry died you said you would always be there for me...
What a liein, decietful, spiteful bitch you turned out to be..."

I intend to post a lot more open mics so you'll get to read more. Thanks for the comment

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

nice shit.... had real emotion, and the flow was consistent..... up your vocab and chuck few multi's in and you'll have a 10 our of 10 piece..... this was some deep stuff, and i hope it gets better for you.... 8.5/10

check out my open mic "Rap Magnetism"... thanks

OK thanks

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

that was tight i hope it aint a true story