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Old 12-07-03, 08:22 PM   #1
Young Hercule$
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Tha Begining Of The End

IP: 7E31 A542

Have You Read Ya Bible Lately
And Seen What These Chapters are stating
Have You ever Said God Save me
And Thought How Vast this World Is Changing
It's Amazing, Not Really Cuz If So My Homy's Wouldn't Try to kill me, most of them locked up without love or hope their gone
it's the beginning of the end why tha hell do you think i'm singing this song, 2002 was tha worst year i could ever live, just to see my angel flying there's not a thing that i wouldn't give
it's like hell in these cell's, prayin to God, Everyday it get's tougher and hard, Pray for my sins
Cuz It's Hot in the winter Signs Of The End.



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Old 12-07-03, 08:28 PM   #2
Menik
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You need to leave 3 links...

But this was ok....structure needs some work though....lines were kinda long and stretched out there at the end though...just try to keep them around the same length so its structured good and it helps with the flow...add some more multies and internals to this...but keep at it.
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Old 12-07-03, 09:01 PM   #3
....BaSh....
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Short but aight...Your structure needs to be worked on...U need to elevate on your rhyme scheme...Up your vocab and multis...And elevate....
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Old 12-07-03, 09:29 PM   #4
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you didn't give enough replies. and your reply was one word.
if this happens again, I will get you banned.
[closed]
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she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis
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