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topical:rated VS. va
20 lines (+)
topic: "murderous intensions" ...plot to kill after a tragic occurance... topical battle, or topical coLLab ? all rights are reserved: no crew, hate, d/r, biting, or recycling... |
Checkin in
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Alone in my life, Which is killing my soul Leavin me with no breathe Pain is inside of my heart as my kids suffer from a tragic death Asking God why did it happen, as I thought my life is a test My wife and my 2 kids was murder from a Illunatic and was sent to rest Leavin my Heart with empty happiness Pullin Aching Fumes from my chest I can see the the phycho's eyes that he ment no Personal good Overhead some people as they joke like its a game in my neighborhood Carvin Ingrimes of The lost People that left a single tragic heart reminding me of my past as I set a suicide death on my chart :Yells Loudly:MURDER ME, MURDER ME YOU DAMN FOOL:Yells loudly: I Quit my job and Im so tired of lazy to catch my single drool I rise to the top of my Brain That I start to fool and shave my hair As the City Police says "Get Down Get Down From there" I yell Loudly You know who Killed my family and I plan to intenge.. I set my Foot up of the leng... And I Yell Loudly Its my turn, its my turn, its my turn for my revenge As they surround the building the Police finally debates Catching my balance might lead to a lethal fall and no deliverates Tripped over a Studd on the Ground Leavin me Full of scorn Hatred as upon as I fell and my poor Wife and kids are torn 3 Second right before I platter my brains in the street I think what I could be Finally the 3 seconds is up..I see the light.Thanks Lord, Im finally Free |
Based on A true Story That I know
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* thursday, march 11th *
eighteen months up today, feels i been locked up for a century... ...but next up is 3 years of probation, gotta keep my life on sensory purchase that 'ol philly cheese steak and hit that park bench in central... ...got scars from that prisoness place, some physical but mostly mental a smile stretches 'cross my face for those first few hours of freedom... ...all tha bad memories i had from my cell, i left 'em where i promised id leave 'em at least i believe whole heartedly, that my sentence changed my well being... ...but this sudden past moment struck my mind, took me back to devilish hell evening * 20 months earlier * monday, september 11th, i stormed in tha house with relentless appearence... ...found my baby's mama sleepin wit cousin Rey, i gave this act a mere glimpse cuz it hurt too much to look apon such a deceitful act comitted by my love... ...both took big parts in my life, my stength to keep livin' and my desperate hope above i just was layed off for impulse reasons, im about to impulsively hurt myself... ...why would she do this to me? could it be tha struggle i have to maintain my wealth i dont remember fully, but i saw tha christams knife that wifey gifted me with... ...at this same time, Rey had tha same intestions i had, he swung and he missed i think i was tha one violated here, so this attempt rose my wrath to its fullest... ...i clenched tha blade and obliviously struck, resulting in removing his whole wrist yet this did not justify my hatred beneath tha satan infected blood under my skin... ...i wanted to detach every limb, but then came a voice, " hes my friend, hes my kin" damn that inner conscience, i released my grip of the tool and let it stagger tha floor... ...before i had time to collect what i had done, i was 4 blocks beyond my front door raced to tha airport and stole a ticket from an elderly ladies purse... ...hopped on tha flight and had seven hours of deep thoughts of my baby's curse as i touched ground in mexico, my pain prevented my movement so i fell to my face... ...next i feel cold metal sufficate tha rims of my fore arms, i wus arrested at this place nothin left but to feel sorry for myself, but now i cant even end life all together... ...court process lasted 6 weeks, and there was no doubt i wus senteneced to "forever" my heart grew burdened throughout pausless time, i now felt changed... ...had a second appeal for my early release, i left that "hell" after breifs were arranged * present time * now i sit here and collect my past and try to start my entire existance over... ...it should be simple since jail time quit my addiction and quickly made me sober but i still have relentless attitudes toward those two who wasted 18 months for me... ...my minds made, once Rey receives tha rest hes earned, iLL exit life comfort'ly * open my souls eyes to focus in on the image of my son, and im at peace * |
VA That was some heavy shit mate hold it up...
~Deep~ |
LOL No hate .:Va:. Or nothing becuz we still kool fam and all but isnt that like way past the time limit...LOL
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sorry sir, but tha limit says : 20 lines (+)... means more than 20 lines
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rated...i think you had a dope topical verse...tons of raw emotion and depth in your piece...felt like i was right there...good wordplay structure and flow also...how you worded everything made your verse come together alot better...i like how you structured your verse good...like the order of events...and the emotion in this piece was very good...it made you feel a sense of reality from your verse...
VA i think you had a dope verse also the biggest problems i found with your verse was that the first half of it had nothing to do with the topic at hand...you more or less described actions and pain that took course in prison which isnt really about the topic...but then when you came to the next part it rounded off well but your structure was a lil off and you never throughouly stayed on topic you kinda bounced around sometimes midway through ya verse...the ending wasnt all that too good because your verse posessed so much energy and emotion throughtout the 2nd part that when u got to the last 2 or 3 bars it didnt really go to well with the rest of your verse... Stayed on topic more: Rated Wordplay: Rated multies: VA structure: Rated Flow : VA Consistency : Rated Enjoyability: Rated vote: Rated ~!1!~ |
Stayed on topic more: Rated
Wordplay: Rated multies: VA structure: Rated Flow : Rated Consistency : Rated Enjoyability: Rated I Think Rated Took it and Flow Intelligent i Felt THe Same way so put the same shit exsept 1 thing but Rated Was Nice he Stayed To GEther and didint Spit 35 lines so i think he took it without a doubt V/Rated ~ | * Return THe Favor * | ~ http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=129164 |
haha wutta dick ridin vote, i had no multis, haha
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lol.....Complex stay in front lines...You dont know what your talkin about
Your just tryin to get people TO vote in your battle...Your fake so dont post in elevated again..and you was weak in your battle |
uppin .. you see that, his vote wus esactly how flows was... wut crew are you in?
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IM not in no crew...and flow intelligent return the favor for me votin in his battles..Nah he aint no d/rer....I am a free
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