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Topical: femcee vs B.X.P
20 Lines (+)
-due: by tonight (midnight) pacific -no hate, d/r, recycling or biting topic is: "two sided conscience of theft".... means: your about to steal something, but your 2 consciences debate with your mind.. ( angel and devil ) check in first...... |
im checkin in...........................................
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check
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* young Moe walks in to a local liquor store intending to steal as his conscience takes over *
devil: conceiL your fire arm untiL things get outta Hand Moe... angel: ...thers no intesions of killing 2night, cuz we brought no ammo devil: well i stashed a blade in yor pants incase measures become drastic... angel: ...yor only 12 years ol', you otta be playin wit guns made'a plastic devil: go on son, grip yor tools and prepare for defense... angel: ...this wont justify much, afterwards your feel twice as tense devil: Look at tha cashier, hes too old to even be handling cash... angel: ...i know yor parents left, and i Know benny died but lets not be rash devil: RASH!?!? man yor life couldnt get any worse, just finish this... angel: ...take a moment an' glance in tha future, imagine what yor sentence is devil: that dont matter, you aint gettin caught so dont fret a thing... angel: ...you know what consiquences will come, so be tha better being devil: i already told you, this guy will piss his pants when he sees our surprise... angel: ...killing this man wont change your pain, please just open yor eyes * Moe advances to tha register and reaches for his hand gun * devil: yeh thats it, lift tha pistol higher and make sure he empties tha safe... angel: ...just compare yor present actions, this is so severe its simply a rape devil: ya hes right, rip this mans dignity out from underneath himself... angel: ...dont you understand, yor stealing this poor man's dedication to his health * the ol' man bravely reaches for his rifle that is hidden * devil: DONT let him reach under tha counter, RUN !!! hes got a shot gun... angel: ...here it comes, our weapon's empty. his is prolly filled with 8 hot ones devil: we took that risk, and if you didnt hesitate you would have made it out alive...[/B] [B]* young Moe is shot and killed by tha store manger, and now is... * angel: welcome to a place free from that inner evil voice, im glad you've arrived * finds himself in heaven to re-unite with his brother benny * |
*props*
its not midnight over there is it im not done give me a minute |
It was dark a poor man walks through the night
A man with a kind heart sees the store in sight Approaching the store gun in hand four feet from the door….. But then time and the hands on the clock stops From the back of his head *His conscience says* “What if you get caught?” *Another voice breaks in and says* “Nonsense don’t listen to your conscience” “Its what God sent to stop you from your criminal intent” “you need the money and you know im right” “Just walk in shoot everyone twice and grab everything that you like” *But then the Conscience yell* "NO cant you tell the devil’s trying to send you to jail” "God knows your family cant afford bail" stealing will send you to hell" *Devil says* "dont listen think about the money you'll be missin" "go in there and aim with precision take that car" "there's keys in the ignition" *Conscience says* "I think you should leave the devil is tryin to decieve you with greed" *Man* "SHUT UP!! both of you let me be" "three mouths to feed food they need" "I cant even afford they air they breath" "God help me please" "And I wont do this sinful deed" "Or fuck you all and let me be" The man walks in the store and shoots them all Bullet shells fall bullets bounce off walls one kid outside sees it all goes home and calls the law Thirty minutes later the man is dead His head filled with lead the ground covered with blood that he bled *Conscience* " I told you you should have not done it" *Devil* " You listened and now you will be punished" |
femcee was better...
Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
i think femcee took this, i think ijust like the style, and it use's better vocab.so my vote goes to femcee, return the favor plz.
http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=129776 Peace. Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
i need more votes, you can drop links too
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i need more votes, you can drop links too
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need more votes every body
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There's been no polled votes yet, who's the first?
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anybody ?
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Femcee..yo you merk'd this dude..the punches was good and the flow was ok..*the color shit got me confused...cuz i thought u was writing one of them actor books where they take turns sayin there line 'n' shit...*
B.X.P. ..yo you need to stretch your lines a lil bit farther so that tha flow is good 'n' shit..hardly tho, yo punches weren't hard as Femcee's...but keep elevating tho...peace.. v/ Femcee |
Femcee...whoa, no contest you took this...you stayed consistent on the topic...you ared probably one of the better topical battlers on here. A'ight, your imagery was good...two perspectives I liked that shit...vocab was good...syllable use was tite...
BXP...you came a;ight....wasn't feelin much of ya verse, but it was still safe...you could have used some better vocab and shit...but overall, werk on some shit. No hate. Vote- Femcee |
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