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Confession...
CONFESSION
Loss of Honour Heart vibrating against the cage that im trapped in… Sweat evapourate from the pours on my slack skin… Throat opposite to moist no one can hear my voice… Deserve the consequences cos I sinned by choice… Desperate for forgiveness but I don’t deserve that… Talk about a second life but I won’t return back… Can try to lie but theres no excuse for my actions… Mental state stake claim to vitally slow reactions… Harmless consumption of alkalhol was normal… Body above mind so these acts were immortal… One sole in the vecicle, one soul not thinking… Phyically illegel with eyes closed not blinking… Awake from a shake hours after, too late… Standing in the station, name n number on the slate… Try to remember but only blank thoughts circle… Memory continually failing at the first hurdle… Staring hard could feel the hatred through the bars… With tears of love floodin looking emotionally scarred… Head low with shame an extraordinary weight… Lost all my self pride in this disorderly state… All Coming Back The truth is I remember, name, clothes and gender… Off the young girl I hit that cold night in December… Endless pressure to give out the right impression… Made it near impossible for heart to heart confession… But eating me inside was the information I hold… But to tell the truth was an invitation to the cold… of a cell but my conscience sed it was time to tell… …well….so I started to spit out my ticket to hell… dispurse the event in rewind thanks to a clear mind… purpose defined thanks to my memorie’s dear find… not claustraphobic but these walls are closing… 20 years inprisonment is what this trials proposing… but now a slim chance arises for the day that I pass… but the sins keep on coming, they seem to everlast… that’s not me, myself, that’s not my past…. Its just my personality……. ………………………includes the devil’s cast…… The End |
that was fuckin dope man alot of emotion in there verse 9.5
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thanx......
uppin ................................. |
that's some real tight shyt prem... everything flowed... good topic... lots of emotion... makes ya think... keeps the reader's attention... nice use of vocab... points came across nicely... 9.7/10... damn near perfect!
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i aint going to argue but good piece nice emotions..........vocab...........and flow........da whole verse connected really good........caught my attention
nice shit i give dis an 9.5/10 near perfect good shit ish put an feedback in my open mic'z the lightning and women abusing check dem 2 out i'll preciate tha feedback...........word |
thanx alot for the feed....
keep it comin plz..... pz |
Heart vibrating against the cage that im trapped in… Sweat evapourate from the pours on my slack skin… ^^Nice start..made impact from start. i could sum the whole...OM piece up wit this sentence...nice Harmless consumption of alkalhol was normal… Body above mind so these acts were immortal… ^^Word true also. The truth is I remember, name, clothes and gender… Off the young girl I hit that cold night in December… Wow..lol bad bad bad bad drunk drivin is really bad......lol but i felt this. not claustraphobic but these walls are closing… 20 years inprisonment is what this trials proposing ^^Imagery..nice Yo i can go on and quote stuff i liked but overall man...this was sick neva though u be able to do topicals..but am impressed. i rate this around 9 area..........contend was already felt from the start work on emotions....cuz i felt at times and times i didnt....transitions were well placed imagery was there also....nice overall like i said homey. |
please return the feed back
The emotion alone took this one home
Im feeling the words you used alot I give this one 9-10 :thumbup: |
thanx for the feedback...DV gud feedback i'll work on that shit....
n yeh i've been doin open mics for a while now but i've been consentratin on battles recently n not been droppin often enough...but yeh tryin to get some recognition for this shit now.... pz |
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supa deep son...thats some straight poetry
hotshit fa real.....9.3..i leave room for improvement..lol hay ck out my next mindless open mic ! wont be deep but itll be entertaining! |
dope piece prem you had all aspects of a great open mic in this verse... imagery, wordplay, multies, vocab, good thought process and everything flowed acordingly to plan.. the words roll off your tongue if you speak it aloud and thats whatr makes a open mic dope without question glad to have you in the crew with dope pieces like this
10/10 without a doubt ~!1!~ |
Geez dude, Confessions is simply awesome. I personally think it's perfect, other than the spelling error of alcohol. But hell, it doesn't matter how it's spelt if you're speaking it. Great job man, great job!
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thanx for the feed....yo n if its perfect remember to giv it recognition in the rv awards...lol
pz uppin still |
hot damn! nice man. u had good vocabulary which painted a clear picture in my mind. nice stuff. probly a 9.9/10.......
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