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Tony Green vs Red Bull
Battle Rules:
Topical Topic: The One Girl You're In Love With. 15 - 30 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting No Hate No Dickriding Minimum posts to vote: 500 Check in by: 03-20-05 at 01:40 AM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
I'll check in as soon as I see that you check in. I forgot to set the time limit to an hour to drop, but whatever, I'll drop like an hour after I check in, because this should be an easy topic. So...You check in, and then I'll check in.
Be happy, I haven't battled on this name forever. But I will merk you. :) Keep in mind, this is only my first topical too. |
Tony Green has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-17-05 10:55 AM.
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Red Bull has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-17-05 04:16 PM.
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Topic: The One Girl You're In Love With. The orange glow of the OPEN sign goes out, along with the lights inside I follow along your stride with my eyes, from the vehicle, which I hide The door opens, it's 10 o'clock, I watch as you move towards the sidewalk I turn the key, and my engine starts, and I follow you to the next block You hit 4th Avenue, I continue to follow you, until you reach your lawn I yawn and rub my eyes as you walk inside, problem is, I'm still not gone The living room light turns on, and your shadow walks across the window Cigarette in my mouth lights up, I blow, and start to view my peep show But...no, what...this isn't right, another car entering your driveway A man with a bouquet exits the drivers side, and puts my show to a delay This will not sway, this man will pay, I grab my knife and exit my seat If he was smart, he would retreat, because now I'm across the street I open her door, and close it quietly, it's time to search her house They aren't in the living room, but in the hallway...I see her blouse The door on the left has a light underneath, and moaning comes from it I smile, and close my grip on the knife, and crack the door open a bit Two bodys motion towards my movements, and they both start to worry With my eyes watering, my vision is blurry, I try to end it all in a hurry I scurry to the bed, and stab the man, untill he is no longer stirring I look at her face, it shows shes hoping that this is not actually occuring She opens her eyes, and looks up to my face, and her eyes widen with shock Her mouth opens wide, and from her eyes, I smile as the tears start to drop "How could you?!" she screams, I reply with, "Because...you're like no other." Her open palms clench to fists, and she yells "but you're my fucking brother!" |
Okay man, I dropped within the hour like I said. Now post your verse.
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I done Known her since 3rd grade, the playground is where we played.
Sharing our snacks and made stands for the lemonade. We went to the same High School things surely got wild. She visted me everyday when I was locked up in Juvenile. You more than my girl and more than a friend to me. The summer of 04 is when I took her vaginity. Its me and you so baby girl I'm holding your hips. Wanna be like Will and Jada so just give me a kiss. I got it bad so lets take it nice and slow. Her love is one in a mill so we rocking the boat. And when your moms wouldn't let us speak I snuck thru your bedroom window. Cause a nigga is in love I got all the symptoms. Them nights in the CHI I was working the spot. The cops pull up on the drop, you put the weed in your bra. And that showed me you a down A** chick. And if a nigga disrespect you then I'm busting his lip. Your step farther on that dumb shit wanna try and beat on you. Your friends wanna run your mouth sayin that I cheat on you. I Know what to say just to make you smile. Wasn't ready when you said that I'm farthering your child. So I lost my head you told me that you needed some time. And that was the first time a thug wanted to cry. I knew you aint wanna do it cause tears started to shed. Came home went right to bed, cause to me life was dead. But I gotta get you back can't walk outta my life. Cause in 3 or 4 years you becoming my wife. So tell your moms we got a baby, things got kind of crazy. Cause like Jodeci you Forever My Lady. Wanna bring you on tours with me to be my backup singer. Cause I think its time that I put the ring on your finger. A TRUE STORY! |
iight Tony Green uppin for votes Red Bull no alias's please!
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Iiight he didn't post hoe many votes to win.
So its 5 to win 3-0 KO! |
^ No, it really isn't. It's 5 votes to win. Why would I vote with an alias dumbass.
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This was feedback posted for Red Bull
checkin this out...............
think red took this one...on account of better idea and alot more imagery.....tony, you had a decent piece, but a little too basic, vocab could be better, and i wasn't really gettin any mental images.....but keep workin on it and you'll do fine.... red, thought some lines coulda been worded diff, some were a little simple, but for the most you stayed consistent, nice visuals created, strong emotion....nice twist at the end....keep up and maybe you'll be godly.....maybe, haha, word nice battle |
This was feedback posted for Red Bull
u fuckin duck my battle, but you battle cats wit 0 wins. your a true fag....for real. ur duckin.
TG, nice drop...post link in forum homie...work on ya structure like we talked about a lil bit more, and u shuld be fine |
Thanxx J I think I took this one thou! Even thou structure was off!!!
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Red after reading your piece your not really talking bout loving this girl your talking bout stalking her nice way to stay on topic!
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^ Nah, everybody who has peeped it said I won. Long as a bunch of fuck knob newbs don't vote. I'll win. You had no imagery at all. Your story line was played. You have no syllabol count. Stop thinking you are dope. You piece was allright. But no.
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