Love-Loss..(After-Shock)
 

Well, it'a just a key..Had girl troubles a while back..2 Years ago actually haha..Just thought i'd put somethin' up for yall..Check


"Nothin' is proven" from a crush cuz love is abusive
From the brush of a tongue to the touch when it's movin'
Such an illusive hunt for somethin' exclusive
But when ya lose n ya hunt for loves anotha illusion
I'm like fuck it..it's stupid cuz still "Nothin' is proven"
Maybe trust is the loose ends to adjust and improve in
Rushin' into this lust i was flushed with confusion
Now i live day out by the grudge that i've grew with
Struggle with music but i'm moldin' my marks
Hopin' ta start closin' these holes in my heart
Which open the scars that grow-with my soul in the dark
Lost in the sky at night cuz i cope with the stars
Like..Knowin' it's hard havin a beauty so divine
Yet so far away noone will truely know The shine
I'm broke inside so i fold back n close my eyes
Put my heart in my throat then i spoke it's lies.
Choked on life but now i'm finally admittin' it
If only fools rush in..Title me the idiot
Tired of the little shit, my Faith's on E
I'll just live life under the game cuz the game's on me
P.S....Stay cold, pEacE

Stop sleepin'

Uppin' again.

ur so wack.



haha.. sup sean.

nicepiece here. flow is basically flawless man.


ur multies are wack.. haha.. thats iLL for ril

get at me on msn dun

yo i was feelin da whole peace thun it was stickin out like a sore thumb and don't worry thun every man goes through what you went through or at least i know have so don't worry bout it aight thun ~1~

p.s. keep postin positive messages like that the world needs to hear shit like that holla

Thanks for the feedback...

And sup sammy...My msn is PMS'in..I'll holla tho..

1ne

ill shit, basically perfect, but if i have one thing to complain about, its the vocab, it was ill at the beginning but then after a few bars it seemed to dwindle down to more elementary words, but the multis and flow made up for that, ill shit

this was impressive but where the multi here so i can learn

Aight check it...

"Nothin' is proven" from a crush cuz love is abusive
From the brush of a tongue to the touch when it's movin'
Such an illusive hunt for somethin' exclusive
But when ya lose n ya hunt for loves anotha illusion
I'm like fuck it..it's stupid cuz still "Nothin' is proven"
Maybe trust is the loose ends to adjust and improve in
Rushin' into this lust i was flushed with confusion
Now i live day out by the grudge that i've grew with

Nothin-is-proven/love-is-abusive/Touch-when-it's-movin'/Such-an-Illusive/Somethin-exclusive/But-when-Ya-Lose-n/Anotha-Illusion/
Fuck-it-it's-stupid/Nothin'-is-proven/Trust-is-the-loose-end/Adjust-and-Improve-In/Rushin-into-this/Flushed-with-confusion/Grudge-that-it-grew-with....That's alot of multis..See them now@word?..This is more advanced style of multi tho, i wouldn't worry about that because you keep the inner rhyme scheme and the multi in the same sequence...But yeah..You see the multis now right?..Flow's beautiful to me, the hard thing isn't the multi tho..It's keeping a solid content while using the multi correctly..Which i think i did..But that's not for me myself to decide..Lets go further down..



Struggle with music but i'm moldin' my marks
Hopin' ta start closin' these holes in my heart
Which open the scars that grow-with my soul in the dark
Lost in the sky at night cuz i cope with the stars

Struggle with music=A multi from the last line sequence..It';s called bar transitions..It ables you to cross o the next line with a smooth flow..Sometimes flawlessly then go str8 itno the next multi...Aight now check the inner rhyme scheme on this one..Which will make your multis and flow so much smoother..
--Moldin-my-marks/Hopin'-ta-start---((Closin'-these-Holes-in-my-heart))--Open-the-scars ((Grow-with-my-soul-in-the-dark))..Then
a small inner rhyme scheme with /Sky/Night/ followed my the multi Cope-with-the-stars...It's not really that difficult but you must know how to use syllable count...And how to build and inner rhyme scheme..

Like..Knowin' it's hard havin a beauty so divine
Yet so far away noone will truely know The shine
I'm broke inside so i fold back n close my eyes
Put my heart in my throat then i spoke it's lies.

This is more simple multis..Beauty-so-divine/Truely-know-the-shine..Then down even simpler with..Broke-inside/close-my-eyes/spoke-it's-lies..And a small inner rhyme scheme again..Very tiny..

Choked on life but now i'm finally admittin' it
If only fools rush in..Title me the idiot
Tired of the little shit, my Faith's on E
I'll just live life under the game cuz the game's on me
P.S....Stay cold, pEacE

This is the simplest part of the verse...Finally-admittin-it/Title-me-the-idiot..Tired of the little shit, transitions it with a slant rhyme..Then Faith's-on-E/Game's-On-Me...Extremely simple multi..No inner rhyme scheme..


So there it is..I guess seeing as how i broke it down i'll critique myself as well..

Some parts i tried to force my multis in there and it may have took a little away from my content..The complexity level was low..I need to use slightly better vocab..My concept wasn't really outspoken do to content jumping towards the end..I ended on a different note than i began..Which isn't good..

Bare in mind it's a key tho..

When we get this collab down@WORD..It'll be hott..

1ne..Hope i helped a little..

can you hit my new open mic up plz

Just did..It was very nice..

Like Wise, This is ill. You deserve mad credit for that one. I also saw what you did with critisizing Splitsouls shit, that was awesome. YOu are really good at this and the more your work at it the better you will become. You are one of the best on the site that is for sure. Good job!

It was kinda pussy

and basic

nice flow and feeling tho , keep elivatin

^^^^^^Best on the site??^^^^^^^^

no girl you got it all wrong, you have 3 posts, how long have u been here?

I know shit on other sites that kills any shit on this one for sure

My boy Sir El Desperado frum lyricallbattles.com

But this site is still better

peace

Well, all feedback is appreciated..So thank you MOB...And thanks for the kind remarks, SpittenGirl.