Workout session from a newbie!!!
 

My flow is biological, coz it comes to me natural, see/
It's in my genes, an its in yours to be hating on me/
So be it, I come to terms to accept facts/
It's stranger than fiction, Funn spits fire (STEP BACK!)/
There's no delay between my brain an my tounge/
the only dilemma is weed decaying my lungs/
gotta be 'BAD' coz the 'GOOD' die young/
My flow like a killah B, an you just been stung/
I'm leaving you stunned, shunned by your community/
like a nun exposing nudity/
I rap to these kids, Now I'm done for child cruelty/
I'm an atomic nusance/
Contiminate ya DNA, an re-arrange ya skeleton blueprint/

I have many flows on subjects/topics 2!!!

Regulate don't playa hate.

i didnt like it. flow was choppy, topic was blah, nothing really held my attention, nothing to quote, no real internals or multi's, just basic one syllable rhymes.

Elevate.

lmao, oh come on he even admitted he was a newb...

anywayz, yes elevate, use some multi's, A TOPIC, advanced wordplay and rhymes, longer... yada yada yada, la la la and so on and so forth, jus elevate...

yo ive heard worse. jus get a topic, and stick to it. i can see you got some smartness in your lyrics. dont jus write, think about what u tryna say, then say it. keep droppin tho, u sed u was a newbie work on it, Peace

This site don't know bout Funn yet! I am a deep Emcee. Just give me time to prove it... how unfortunate I can't now... No time. I'm at skool.

I admit, that was rather rushed,
I'm just anxious to get my name up in here... like it was on Spinner.com, which unfortunatly was shut down coz of some Nazi dudes. Anyone know bout that???

^you just need to keep at, i was wacky when i first started rappin, but just keeping at it and rappin' everyday, and you'll break the shell^

Overall the piece wasn't the ebst, but as you said your newb, so it wasn;t bad from that perspective. The following lines were dope though:

"So be it, I come to terms to accept facts/
It's stranger than fiction, Funn spits fire (STEP BACK!)/
There's no delay between my brain an my tounge/
the only dilemma is weed decaying my lungs/
gotta be 'BAD' coz the 'GOOD' die young/
My flow like a killah B, an you just been stung/ " - i know thats like 1/2 the piece, but it was good.

You have mad potential, i wanna see you keep coming here and wanna see you elevate mos def. Up your vocab, although it was o.k for a newb, also use a more complicated rhyme scheme.

nice though :)

ok, here we go... thanx 4 the feedback RT...

Listen up, I got someting 2 prove
Listen up, I got someting 2 prove

I'ma, pump it up, like my blood circulation, away from my heart/
I'ma, disappear in the night, coz you can't see shit in the dark/
I paint pictures with scriptures coz freestyling is an art/
too smart, verbelly break down tissue an take apart body parts/
open minded, alot of emcess in here are short sighted/
suffer from lack of talent an a identidy crisis/
claim not to like this/ ya reign cut into slices/
the only 'SUBSTANCE' you've ever had is a meningitus/
No, I don't want no one to die, I want em' to change/
you can't stop me capitalizing my name/
coz I'm bout to capitalize in this Rap game/
you playa hate, I regulate, we are not the same/
keep debating me, I know you picking up my image/
Coz when you look in the mirror, your 'EYES POP' like spinich/
Like... I make an album, an you put yourself in it/
You see, stop looking, coz the truth is right behind ya/
It's FUNN to be MENTEL, I'm ya local park vandelizer/
the devient, troublesome, disobedient, joy rider/
BIG HEADS, are easy targets, like bullets are'nt minor/
"Somebody please, teach Funn to spell"/
who are you to talk, you on the same level as hell/ (LOW)
My POWER, be FUL like shot gun shells/
I stand up, opposing you, like Mary's hair gel/
Got my back off the wall/ coz I can't STAND to FALL/
I need the RIGHT ASS, like I'm LEFT BEHIND on booty calls/ (ha)
Newbie on this site, but I been Rapping for 4 years/
Can't SEE ME when I spit, but believe me I'm ALL EARS/
an Def, like they ain't functional/
half these Rap theorys are fictional/
been doing research 4 weeks, turns out 2pac wrote em all/ (incredable)
I'm sit here warming up my chair till my titles known regional/ (at least)
dedicate my life to the life of the streets/
Coz, we digest easily in the belly of the beast/

That took a while... Feedback.

Damn, that shit was tight. I liked tha whole flow. Gets a 9 outta 10. Keep droppin.

yo first verse wasn't anything special,but as you said u were a new kat it wasn't too bad,tha second verse however had some nice vocab.good concept,use of afew multies and inter bar ryhmin which isn't always required due to different flow Camarac,and it flowed well,so i'd say from the 2 drops ur already elevatin so keep it up dawg.

"So be it, I come to terms to accept facts/
It's stranger than fiction, Funn spits fire (STEP BACK!)/
There's no delay between my brain an my tounge/
the only dilemma is weed decaying my lungs/
gotta be 'BAD' coz the 'GOOD' die young/
My flow like a killah B, an you just been stung"

^Rhythmic spotted this also.

"I'ma, pump it up, like my blood circulation, away from my heart/
I'ma, disappear in the night, coz you can't see shit in the dark/"

^Solid opener.

Peace

Thanx,


still uppin 4 more feedback... Don't be shy!!!

yo i think that the first piece was alrite it could have been improved......
but the second piece was dope...u had tight vocab...muties and i liked this piece...
been doing research 4 weeks, turns out 2pac wrote em all/ (incredable)
I'm sit here warming up my chair till my titles known regional/ (at least)
dedicate my life to the life of the streets/
Coz, we digest easily in the belly of the beast/
...because of the way that the brackts link the rhymes in a sort of off beat way.....props to ya dawg... keep dropping...
hey yo plz return the favour...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=82929

personally dude i think the first verse was fine...

it had flow no matter what others might think... but...

i do agree the seconde verse was much better...

id like to say you remind me of me... and another thing don't take shit from nebody in here that hates on you cuz you don't have over a thousand posts(i know you won't let it bother u anyways) cause being new to this site means absolutely nothing about what level of skills u have...

get better, stay real

{Peace}

Respect all views an opinions... I wanna battle somebody... whoeva thinks I'm worthy, please step up...

Thanx for your time to recap on a brother Mag, an Hellbound.

Il Battle you, but im a noob myself :P

That's not a problem, being a newbie only means your new to this site, not to the culture.

Shall I set up the forum???


Anyone?