Thats a good one KGM..I got one also

A preacher wanted to earn money for his church.He had heard there was big money in horse racing.However,at the local auction,the prices for horses were too steep.So he bought a donkey.The preacher figured,since he had the donkey,he might as well race it.He did,and the donkey came in 3rd place.The next day,the following headline was in the newspaper.

'Preacher's Ass Shows'

The preacher was so pleased with his donkey that he entered him in the next day race also.The donkey won.The next day the newspaper headline said the following.

"Preacher's Ass Out In Front"

The Bishop was so upset with this type of publicity, that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in the races anymore.The headline read.

Bishop Scrathes Preacher's Ass

This was too much for the Bishop,and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey.The preacher decided to give the animal to a nearby convent.The next day,the headlines read.

Nuns Have Best Ass In Town

The Bishop fainted!He informed the nuns to get rid of the donkey.So they sold it for 10 dollars.The next day paper headline read.

Nuns Peddle Ass For 10 Dollars.

They buried the Bishop.And the paper read the next day.

Too Much Ass Responsible For Bishop's Death

What do black people and apples have in coman?
both look better hanging

INVENTIONS
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
AM/FM radio on motorcycle...add AC to that
Ejector seat on helicopter

something i asked at the premiere of Freddy vs Jason
Hey who can take more bullets... freddy or 50 cent?

garbage joke . . .



















and who the fuck hangs apples . . . ?

^^i rap like i joke
BAD

You ignorant and illiterate...its Common not Coman


Dumbass racist herb


and that is


Word



RiP Robert aka Lil King

ignorant and illiterate... yea
racist... really? wow

yea..your joke..racist..and not funny by the way

HAHAHA

i apologize then
wont happen again
last time ill post here

10 TRUTHS BLACK AND LATIN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. Elvis is dead.
2. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
3. Jesus was not White.
4. Skinny does not equal sexy.
5. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.
6. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
7. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
8. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
9. Kissing your pet is not cute.
10. Rap music is here to stay.

10 THINGS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW BUT LATIN PEOPLE DON'T ADMIT:

1. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
2. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies .
3. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
4. Wearing black eye liner on their lips is unattractive and OUT OF
STYLE!!
5. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
6. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
7. 10 people to a car or home is considered too many.
8. Jesus is not a name for your son.
9. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store can get your BUTT whooped (or theirs).

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND LATIN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. Tupac is dead.
2. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
3. Having a ring on every finger is too much.
4. O.J. did it
5. Teeth should not be decorated.
6. Breaks are usually only 15 minutes.
7. Jesse Jackson will NEVER be President.
8. RED is not a kool-aid flavor (it's a color).
9. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
10. Your pastor doesn't know everything

Meh... Joke My Friend Sent Me... Don't Get Pissed... Take It With A Grain Of Salt.

^^Those two lines were funny as hell

lmao

lets hear some funny motha fucken jokes man

This is long but funny as hell


The Jackass Story

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you *don't* know! Now get this.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered nicely saying, ''Hello?' '

I politely said, ''This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?''

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.

When the same person once more answered, I yelled, ''You're a jackass!'' and hung up.

Next to his phone number I wrote the word ''jackass,'' and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up.

He'd answer, and I'd yell, ''You're a jackass!''

It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass.
Then one day I had an idea.

I dialed his number, then heard his voice say, ''Hello.'' I made up a name. ''Hi. This is the sales office of the Telephone Company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?''

He went, ''No!'' and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, ''That's because you're a jackass!''

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.

The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave.
Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. " Great," I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space.

I started honking my horn and yelling, ''You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!'' The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, "This guy's a jackass.
There sure a lot of jackasses in this world."

I noticed he had a ''For Sale'' sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, ''You're a jackass!'' (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.

After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, ''Hello.''

I said, ''Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?''
''Yes, it is.''

''Can you tell me where I can see it?''

''Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front.''

I said, ''What's your name?''

''My name is Don Hansen.''

''When's a good time to catch you, Don?''

''I'm home in the evenings.''

''Listen Don, can I tell you something?''

''Yes.''

''Don, you're a jackass!'' And I slammed the phone down.

After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:

First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1.
A man answered nicely saying, ''Hello.''

I yelled ''You're a jackass!'' but I didn't hang up.

The jackass said, ''Are you still there?''

I said, ''Yeah.''

He said, ''Stop calling me.''

I said, ''No.''

He said, ''What's you name, pal?''

I said, ''Don Hansen.''

He said, ''Where do you live?''

''1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front.''

''I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers.''

''Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!'' and I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, ''Hello.''

I said, ''Hello, Jackass!''

He said, ''If I ever find out who you are...''

''You'll what?''

''I'll kick your butt.''

''Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!'' And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home.

Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street.

After that, I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life!

Name withheld to protect the guilty.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?

Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want
to be.

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you
.
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way.

Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?

If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.

Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met
.
Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.

Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?

Be unique and different, say yes.



theres some funny lines