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-   -   Zions (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=45540)

Sureal 05-11-03 12:11 PM

this was some sick work ... good job

Atetrack define' 05-11-03 12:20 PM

thanks for the comments blze....

LunkHead 05-11-03 12:51 PM

aaahhh, another FANTASTIC piece. man i swear, i've never seen anythin thats even just decent from you. they all hott.i'll admit though, i somewhat had trouble findin the topic. but lyrics were fuckin ill. keep spittin man

Johnny 6-feet 05-11-03 01:00 PM

to add my two cents i'm gonna critique this constructively.

there was some crazy imagery in here, which didnt make sense in places. the vocab was good but occasionally over the top, some really good individual lines here

by their display of graceful caligraphy finess,its evenly propotioned,not one sign of ignorance//
deliverance...the existance of the inevitable distance of time is tickin by with every second//

nice^^ but try and put this work in lines like to make it easier to read, i had trouble catching the rhythm to this piece.you refine your style a little and you got the potential to be just plain ill.#

keep posting.

Atetrack define' 05-12-03 04:03 AM

thanks lunk...

and johnny no doubt its all about elevation....yaknow ive only been doing this for a short while,so i guess im aiight at it...thi si sonly the rough draft not finished so yer id have to schange shit to go with th eaudio(wich is on the way yall no doubt)...thanks for the pointers dun...my rythm i still aint found it ahahha...im searchin but..again thanks for the comments all...

Atetrack define' 05-12-03 09:08 AM

im sick of constantly getting like getting ten hundred fucking veiws and 2 actual replies...what the fucks going on....lazy

Atetrack define' 05-12-03 02:01 PM

up,i wanna see som emore cats lseep on thi sfor my own amusement....dafuck is wrong with yall

Tha Linez Drawn 05-12-03 04:56 PM

Woah! I felt the earth tremble...that's what I'm talking about...show them that we not only understand their game but that we have their play book...I love this deen man...Hey peep my new joint : Do you want the truth? peace to the believers

Atetrack define' 05-13-03 05:39 AM

thanks lines,no doubt ill check it out now,or soon wich ever comes first ahha...but i will you know i will...thanks for checkin it out....cats is sleepin on this im gettin tired of it...read it ,youll feel better after you do cats....or mayb eyou wont,thats what i want to know................blah to yall who sleepin...expect me to peep you r shit,wich i do constantly and then sleep on mine....dafucks the problem....

Maven 05-13-03 09:05 AM

damn ate, this was sick! intense vocab and a crazy rhyme scheme, and the flow kept well. Whne it got to the last verse I wasn't sure of your topic anymore, and I think you had a bar talking about how you were off topic...well, it was ill none the less, good work, not that I expect any less from you.
Check out my new piece, the link is in my sig.
One

Atetrack define' 05-13-03 09:10 AM

no doubt will do...

yer i noticed i was going off topic,whatever the topic actuLLY WAS,IM NOT SURE ,BUT I HAD IT IN MY MIND AT THE TIME.fucking caps button...anyways,thanks for the comments dun,and the fact you actually read it made me happier about this shit haha...

bismillah

deacon 05-13-03 03:50 PM

Nicely written bro--I think you've heard this all before

-1-

OpTiKaL iLuZion 05-13-03 08:49 PM

ay atetrack, do me a favor and hit me up on AIM my s/n is Visionary3030, theres something i gotta ask u about i tryed pming u but ut box is full so hit me up, thanx

peace

Atetrack define' 05-14-03 02:59 AM

i have a full pm box???whats going on......i must have pm`s!thats a first,haha...aiight no doubt ill get to you somehow...ima get this aim thing seeing how most yall seem to use it aiight...ill send you a message when my box is emptied aiight....

bismillah

SYNOPSIST 05-14-03 06:23 AM

yo this hsit was mad ill man, the imagery was out of control, it was long as fuck tho man...good shit tho


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