Listen to this guy , he knnows what he talking about.

IF you guys seriously want some help......come to this cat. He knows what he is talkin about, and quite frankly, I wish more people would battle like him......

Exactly

Here's a grammar tip
when you type
try to spell the words how they are REALLY spelled

dont make lines so fuckin long

and try to minimize the use of guns in your verse
gun punchlines are played out!

http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=121094

^^ vote. Not a freepost, because I do want honest feedback.

dense as syrup

Paste verses here... I"m not going to follow links

i'm not that good but self gloifying is just garbage.

check this verse

Me vs. Jpoll
league (I lost)

You are now listening to the the best...

break ya spinal column,'un-even contestants' and 'lines' like a 'seismograph',watch 'backs fold'
Your style-is-dead, rehearsed-n-old, J couldn't win this battle if he "drove my Royce backwards" to "REVERSE-THE-ROLLS"!

fool,grippin tools,i spit scriptures the only time u "DROPPIN SCIENCE" cuz u found "CHEMSITRY WAS TOO DIFFICULT"
battling with week ryhmes is un-negotiable, so make the transaction to audio, cuz failure is the result

clap these bastards,put em in the back of the truck now their nothin but "JUNK-IN-DA-TRUNK" like " the ass of J-LO!"
turn ya fitteds to a halos,in a way we're similar cuz ur style is "O.K." and mine is to "K.O."!

if you ever herd Phat's multimedia would make you have seizures n choke
get the pope,i have a "sense of humor" ...im battlin this "clown" to prove "i can take jokes!"

got u "scared of me sun"(son) like "albinos in the summer"
i'll wreck u again after this and give u so manylosses ur record looks like a SERIAL NUMBER!
(time to murda)
change my alias to "sickle cell" the way i make "kids get reduced"
u get no pussy,if a girls moaning "OOOOO...J!" she prolly just has a "fetish for citrus juice"!

Bold words are forced words

^^ were you the one talking to other people about making lines shorter?

i know this verse is hella streched but i didn't want to drop the content. If i would have no one would got the verse

If its stretched nobody could give a fuck about the content...
You need to work on having a decently flowing, shorter verse.
First do that... then work on wording in the content you wanted

Alright.. my verse.. I realize the open is weak... never done 32 lines before:

This junior high crew, still doing lunch recess n nap time
… no wonder their hardest punch is just a flipped Dr. Seuss rhyme
not much of a punch... but decent structure....
Call this the next school slaying, but hey at least y’all got your fame
Kinda sad…
These kids, still playing superhero, but they got some goofy ass names
not good... poorly worded with no real punch
LI, call yourself The Elevator…. “that’s the only place they hear my song”
Call Kuniva the Battery Man, the way he say “it’s Li Ion (/I on)”
sloppily worded... not a bad concept if used properly
Check their biography title - Kuniva and Li: A Fairy Tale… of sorts
And now we on the topic… I’m about to make a long story short
not bad
Yo Kuniva…
This cat cop my punches and think he got a “freestyle”
Worst sig ever dog… even your crew don’t think your worthwhile
not good... shouldnt have used it
No wonder, when you got half the posts in the complaints forum
I’m blacklisted already, next someone get a restraining order for him…
not much a punch... I"m sure blacklisted punches are played... or should be
Who we kidding… this cat queerer than a bill worth five dollar
… and posting his verse in green so he can pretend he a man of color
bad.....
Come with Cochran and still can’t connive a (kuniva) win
… not when your album worth less than the wrapping it arriving in
poorly worded... but not bad... the set up was better than the punch however
You drop shit? Take laxatives till you sick, and still no bowel movement
Come on man…
Your father beat you with the ugly stick… and got improvement
not bad at all... its bars like this that you show some upside
Even worse, check his girl… wait LI hasn’t posted any pics
Man… these cats worse than a game of hoops at the special Olympics
played... not good
Try as they fucking will, they just can’t get their balls to drop
Defeat me? Better luck getting Niagara falls to stop…
again... not good.. not even a good concept
Cats such lightweights, picking up the mic leave their wrist bone cracked
Got throwback album… hand it out to fam and it gets thrown back
poorly worded.... played concept... just not good
Just got shown whack, won’t show they faces till eyebrows grown back
They skills a known lack, just can’t come hard… like they got a torn sack
too focused on trying to use multis... just not good
Bars so lightweight they curling them to elevate… and still failing
Wait.. let me get this straight, how you hard if my mic check got you wailing?
mic check punches need to be used better than this......
Sometimes it just hard to tell… which is the bride n which the groom?
These cats are way ahead of their time… cuz they can’t help but come too soon
not good... at all
And ayo…
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, its time to publicly announce
LI, your ass is worth dick… because its what’s on the inside that counts
not bad.. played though.....


Basically.... definately work on your wording... it needs alot of help. You also need to focus on keeping the level of punches... you fall off far too often

^^ aight, good looking