This was a pretty tight peice nice job cali..you had nice emotions and feeling in your drop and i was really feeling this..structure was also good, you had nice wordplay and vocab..i was really feeling it nice job..keep it up

thanks for all the feed but 85 views and only 16 posts wtf leave more feed you slackers who didnt;/

I don't know why people say you garbage at spittin shit though it's a poem and to soft to be a rap it's good I guess, everything in place.

buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuump

uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp pppppp

If this isnt hall of fame material, then I don't know what the fuck is. This was amazing man.

Artists paint symbols on skin of soldiers long forgotten,
As we pick from fields of concrete searching for cotton.

Fucking kiafsdkjgvhgbv. It made me want to touch myself. This was deep, and...Fucking good. I never really critique poetry so I dunno what to say really, but it was good man.

Look I write script original cats be hypocritical and won’t peep
But I don’t freak out many have hoe strategy like a low battery weak
With no fire but my post toast like an oath raise your right hand
Got a tight plan like a solemn declaration not a one night stand
Flow best but cats protest aggravated graduated from rhyme school
Essential hate is like a mental state get emotional disturb then rule
When I twist words

man you seriously gotta stop with the gibberish feedback
no1 replies to you om's because your not taking their feedback as a positive thing.
.
.
so fuck off outta threads if you aint gonna leave
proper feedback or i swear to god ill run you off this fuckin site.
.
.
cali, once again, ill say this is a dope piece bro,...
you need to update us on how it went when you performed it
(that is if you already havent done it)

Cause additional friction no official recognition fucking rookies
If you got a jive flow you have to survive and grow like cookies
Need a sweet unique taste but freaks waste their time on rhymes?
Jive and rigorous not alive and vigorous like flowers or grapevines
Cat’s funny like animated cartoons I think they educated in bar rooms

^wtf is this anyways............................thanks daz.how the fuck i get feedback like this but no hall of fame nominations wtf:/

uppin............................................. ...

nice drop i feel wut ur sayingood structure,vocab,n flow good luck at def poetry man hey yo peep my never die alone drop its my latest drop cuz ive been sick but holla peace

:thumbup: [QUOTE=C.A.L.I]this is a spoken word piece which i plan on doing for def poetry in december but id like to get some feedback on it first




I stand before you as a voice whos been chosen.
In a country where the symbol of justice is blindfolded.
Amidst chains but shackles that still remain on liberty’s arms.
Where people starve while missiles are hid in the soil of forms.
I walk down the streets paved in gold......
For every dealer on a corner where poison is sold.
I drown in oceans of blood and tears of mothers,
For those who claim brothers under similar colors then bang on each other.
Artists paint symbols on skin of soldiers long forgotten,
As we pick from fields of concrete searching for cotton.
With no shirts and shorts we play on courts covered in glass shells.
But the only 3’s we get precede 6’s and 9’s in prison cells.
Inner hells burn our souls in flames until we forget heavenly placement.
Children die in diamond mines.........
..............until we kill for stones and still end up in braclets
Inhale cancer the smoke hiding answers that can be solved with patience.
So in a land of freedom,we choose to answer hatred with hatred
As days fall like autumn leaves the vivid colors making rainbow patterns.
I stand in crumbling castles, a crown shattered and robes tattered.
And my kingdom of broken syringes and subjects enslaved to addiction.
Where story’s of glory are told across the lines of fact and fiction.
Those who protect and serve are wolves in a land of sheep.
Where dead men roam accross graveyards while the reaper sleeps.
Children fall while foreign posions destroy thier parents frames.
And the road to riches and redemption exists on transparent lanes.
A proclamation of emancipation is given to those who toiled adjacent.
A signed statement with the signature of slaves owning racists.
So I stand before you as a voice whose has been chosen.
In a country where my symbol of justice is blindfolded.
Amidst chains but shackles that still remain on libertys arms.
Where people starve while missiles are hid in the soil of farms
Revolution….............
Lets get it on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!


cali that was deep and real yo goodluck keep up the good work dont let these punks talk shit to u go get it boyyyyyyyyyy at def poetry just focus. We need someone like u to do good work. its a very emotional poem yo i could feel the meaning. The wording is hot. :thumbup: :thumbup:

thanks for the feedback.and who are you^^