| Abotizer |
01-15-04 10:09 PM |
peepers:
nice iamgery, you had some really nice wirter's voice and topical writing.
Quote:
My dad pleased, buying blue bed sheets and wallpaper
My mom pleased, guiding the plans to make me safer
My sibling uneasy, sweating the days when he's alone
I drift off into a state where I miss all of the show
Dreaming of a world where my potential is able to grow
Dreaming of a world where equality is on the table to show
The fable is known, my dream is the dream of everyone
Is seems we all want some fun, to put ahead number one
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ending was just nice, had a little twist at the end, sorta
walter:
not bad, not as much writer's voice or as good wording as peepers
had some pretty nice liens, and could work on depth
Quote:
Ill take this spacegoat phaze hope nonexistent, wav’n my fists like pistons
Ready and pumped for war, I had an uncle sam who died...I don't miss him
Im not impressed with death and what he'll bless, set in my optimistic mess
Tresspassed back to my mind state after I passed out on the capital steps
Took me down to the station and took the freedom within me carried
Feels as if the world’s reaching its final days, this nightmare’s scary
I’m just a young man with hopes and dreams to be oppression free
But now my girlfriends pregnant and the sight of the sonogram taunts me
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v/peepers |
