upps

i agrre that the main pro with this is the way you told the story...effective... its easy on the eyes... the flow was ok... but could be a bit better to carry the verse.... likes been said few multis here and there would set it off more...but still an interesting read...props....pZ

thanks

ups

You got quite a lot of feedback on this, but I don't think one more will hurt.

I thought the flow was all right. It could always have been better with lines evening out and everything, but it was still pretty good. Overall I liked this peice.

But I didn't like the ending. Only because it seemed to totally come out of left feild. Part of me liked the ending because of it's uniqueness. I mean, writing a peice about a guy who's been abused all the time like he has, he'd probably end up killing himself. But you instead took another route where he ends up building a bomb.

Part of me understands it completly. But that's because I know how it goes. I think if you elaborated on the ending and made it more clear two things. What he is doing and why he's doing it, it would make this peice a lot better. And it's about the one thing that actually needs improvement, I think.

~Irenic~

^ indeed...it was an abrupt haLt...u can imagine why...but it wouLd have been better itf you gave us more tooLs to work with (some metas...at Least some thoughts or dialouge)
nice drop though, i liked it, the lines were nice and even and the flow was niceness...good job....i pretty much agree with everyone else...

lol it was only cos i counlndt be bothered fininshing it properly thanks for replys

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=105506

STE GURL PEEP THAT
"


THATS FOR U U SID SUMTHINI NI T CAN U FISNIH YA VOTE
THEN

pc

that was hot keep it up

I didnt underdstand that at all

ups