^^^since i took time to vote on your bbattle can you take time and vote on this
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111122

^^^ That vote is unexplained, beside, you didn't even poll vote, so I'm not gonna waste my time.

Uppin #5.

battle was pretty much one sided.. puertoricanelly your verse was a bunch of talk.. you didnt really have any punchlines or wordplay that win you battles.. youve got potentials but this battle verse didnt have those many punchlines

brethren- you had some nice personals in here.. i liked your first couple of lines where you were going off bout buritos.. disses were on point.. wordplay was sharp and your verse was overall consistently ill though out

vote- brethren

im leaving you infected like a rusted knife in yo skin, you might call yo self a vet but i killed you in this battle so now they gona call you a has been/in lamen terms this battle is for adults and your jus a lil kid, whatever the fuck you got ta say ill still kill you and im about ta close the lid/you say you like women but we all know its tha otha way around/ ull be dropped by the king so jus hand me ma crown/i think killin is a pleasure so dont try ta run/like i know whatcha did las summa theres no need ta rap back its all said and done/i jus vaporized you and your allies, theres no time to fight back just say your godbyes.
^holy shit i don't even wanna read this use vertical structure not horizontal get your shit right son.....DAMNIT.......Ok this was a verse choked full of attempted punches...you had some creative meta4's.....but when i say creative i don't mean good...you need to fix your stretched lines and horizontal structure because it blows and people who have to read through it will hate you.......


Puerto Rican? Get out of this battle site, go and play some baseball,
Hustle you for your money, you don't know the rules, why you 'hitting the 8-ball',
^ok this is a good shot at puertoricans...you racist fuck....
Watch this coward fold more than than a fucking 'burrito',
Whilst I hit him with punches more effective than placebos,
^hmmm been done but i give credit for trying....
Watch me kill this dude excessively, like adding a's and o's at the 'end of words',
Watch my tender serve, your verse still stinks, even with mento's herbs,
^this second line is good the first line ssux and sux and then sux some more..
Think of it like this, even if I beat the shit out you, you still going to be guilty,
Won't get off easy in court, just like here, no need keep the murder clean, you already filthy,
^someone say stretched?......i can lost all meaning.....
Like 'Pisa', even if you were 'Big Ben' you couldn't re-bound from this,
You fell "short", now "stop", like R. Kelly's date, you left found in piss.
^hmm thats cold to R kelly....fine meta4...ok close...

Not a stunning battle but brethren takes it with a more veteran flow structure and grip on punches peace..............

Not a bad battle...1 clear winner...Brethrin!
Just demolished this dude wit his flow
punches n structure.........Vote: B

hit up the battle in my sig (Topical battle)

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. - Feeble Minded

This is just my opinion .....

Puertoricanelly verse 's
Flow (how many syllables in each line) was good,
No punches, no personals, (2 major determining factors)
basic multis, structure needs work , (hard to read)
vocab and word play need work
(work on these) just a suggestion
(punchlines , multis, wordplay, vocab, ) tune it up

(didn't really move me)


Brethren's verse:
had a few average punch/personal attempts
they were decent could be better...
(better than none )

Brethren's multies were a little better than P's
(more syllables)

flow was nice (and READABLE) structure was nice
(but could use some work,
(either extending, or placing comma's diff places)

Brethren's close wasn't that dope
but compare to P's "godbye" better

I got to give this to Brethren

JamesJr.





Tho the one before was kinda basic....
Negative points:
(structure, vocab, punchlines) tune em up


I see POTENTIAL in BOTH keep rapping , writing , freestyilng



(But iI have to say Brethren)
Brethren, dealt a harder blow being he has more experience that's the final reason why in my mind after reading both and compare all above^^^
But AGAIN
just looking out

JamesJr.

Punches:definetly brethren
Wordplay:brethren
Meta’s:brethren
Creativity:brethren
Personals:brethren
Flow:brethren

Rican you need to give up battlin and go hustle people or somethin cause your shit sucks brethren could have won this fag without even postin his shit up

pleaz hit this battle up
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112213

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. - Token

Uppin for a final fucking vote, this got re-opened, so we both have 5 more ups

Alright, let's go you whack motherfuckers............

Sorry I cant close this out for ya ....cause I dont have enough posts to vote but here's what I thought......

Puertoricanelly<your shit was a pain in the ass to read and on top that alot of your lines felt stretched. Attempted some punches, they just came through too weak...'watcha did last summa' line was was wack, but did have a decent meta though.Verse also was missing personals,except for the first line, which was played. Over all the verse lacked creativity......

Brethren< gets this one easily...better structure and flow by far.
Also showed some good creativity and had some nice metas,
combined with decent punches. Which just seemed to hit alot harder.
Verse probably could of had more personals though.....

Vote>Brethren

Honest votes> Bruise Banter vs. TJwillingham

^^^ thanks anyways, uppin .

P - structure makes it nigh on impossible to flow.. seperate ya lines by pressin 'enter' rather than jus puttin a /.. ur also usin too many words so the punch runs dry before ya finish it.. be more concise an expand ya vocab.. keep elevatin.. an im jus tryna help so dont hate..

B - clearly a much better structure.. made it easier to read.. had alot of useless punches in there tho.. come up wiv wittier or harder concepts fa ya metas.. but uv got the rite idea.. closer was ok if not a lil played.. u done enuff to win tho..

VoTe = Brethren

Drop a vote here a.s.a.p:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112698

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