thanks. uppin.

I'm not a real big fan of repeated lines but this one was nice, i was feelin your Plague of the Poison Hearted a lil more tho keep postin i'll keep readin

Repetition is a big part of poetry. But thanks.

Ok, I guess I hadn't read this one yet. Just want to preface this by saying its just my opinion, its what you like in your poetry that matters most. So anyway:

I liked the repitition thing you had going early on, but I think it would have been made stronger if you kept the lines at about 2/3 the length, as it is it loses some of the force.

That said, I very much like the message of the poem, as it is one I can relate to (I think). I'm working on something of a similiar, if less dark, poem right now.. probably not going to be finished though (:sigh:).

Also, I know that poems don't have to strictly rhyme, but I think a little bit of rhyming keeps it moving nicely, and this one feels a little clunky. It's nice to the extent that it adds to the sort of aura of the poem.. but still. I think you could certainly work on structuring the poem slightly better so that it flows off the tounge a little nicer, though the message itself is very nice.

Peace.

I dont change'm but thanks for the input.

tru i know that but its just not my style...

1 word.....emotion...
i could feel ure anger through this piece, tho its the 1st ive read of ure poems, but the words spoke for themselves as they should when writing poetry, meaningfull and gettin peeps to think about shit...

nice..props....

i was feelin that dawg good shit minor errors shit was str8

hah... thanks?... up

free up.

THIS STUFF IS smooth as a smoothie king smoothie. AND THATS FRIGGIN SMOOTH!

....umm thanks?.... up

up again for this awesome