dont know too much bout poetry or read it often but even tho i dont i still can say ur ish is clean bro...........keep it up...............i dont know how you do it man but i want more..heh if i read more of urs i might have a dif perspective on poetry.........

Demons roam in our black lives
Destruction led by mercyless bands
He won't save you, Abandoned by your god
The river recently tinted blood red
Filled to the brim by My Army
I fight against the name, I kill ruthlessly because of Him

^ wow that was the best verse out of them all. It was truly deep and i liked how you carried a steady message through out, good flow

Thanks. This is a poem that is being made into a song(Im in a band). and i think it has a really tight message.

Ok, personally I think this is the one of the weaker poems you've written (I think I've read all the other ones). Although flow certainly isn't the same in poetry as rap, the thing still feels a little clunky in spots, though I suppose it might just be the way I'm reading it. Also, it felt a little odd, the first two lines in the first stanza seem better suited for the second stanza, although perhaps I'm missing something (never been all that great with poetry :help:). The last four lines of the first stanza were very nice though. In the fourth line, second stanza, I wish you had done more with the river.. I mean the whole "water" thing is a very strong tool in poetry, and you could have more than just "The River." The third stanza was nice, but the last line felt out of place and a little clunky. I liked the ending a lot though.

Nice poem, surely, but I think it could use a little bit of cleaning up. Like I said though, you probably know more about poetry than I do.. so feel free to explain some of the stuff or ask for more feedback.

Peace.

hah... ok, I do not worry about flow. I am emotion and imagery. But thanks for the input.

Yeah I know.. I'm just a flow kind of guy :D

word
 

man you are a true person peace!

^ hah... I dont know what your talking about ..but thanks.