uppin fo mentalz.....damn this is gettin mad slept on......

Voted For: MIXTAPE



Good battle.....meatalz..good verse story was good, flow was good, structure was good, but vocab was weak in this your verse lacked complexity and u could used some more internals, and imagery was subpar but it was good jus lagging a bit.

Mixtape....good flow, structure tight as well, story was good, developed nice, imagery coulda been stronger but solid, vocab was on point nice word usuage, your verse was jus a lil bit better in some spots so u edged it.

Vote: Mixtape

Voted For: MIXTAPE

Mentalz
And as the moon screams, and the light weens..
This young mans dreams erupt into a fight scene
And as the night cries to distract eye's..
His hand lets loose as three or more knives fly
->>first few lines were real hot but the second 2 fell off bad i wasnt feelin them

But he cant sway at all or let his mind fade
Needs to consentrate to lower the crime rate
So he snaps back to set traps on track's back
As he maintains process and prepares & acts glad
->>blah...it was decent...last line was the best

Infact he's sad but would never admit it at all
Just as soon walk himself right through a solid wall
Percistance and chance swell to dance in romance
As he catches the train's prance in one quick glance
->>second line was wack...its was ok but it kinda doesnt make sense like i really have to focus to understand what youre talking about

And as the smoke crests and all the billows smolder
His heart grows colder cos' he knows its all over
Rage fills and spills on hills crimson with blood
As he remembers the thrills from kills soiled in mud
->>i liked the first 3 but the last one kinda killed it...

Snapping back to reality the formality all dies
As the rumbling train echo's in night's dark sky..
Rolling over nearly consumed by the freights weight
He escapes fate & waits till he's filled w/ straight hate
His murderous methods beckon the very second..
Electricity's tweekin his brain waves..
He might be insane and deranged..
But he still remains, cold and unchanged.
->>its pretty good...cool imagery

Virtue
static brain waves suicide they contemplate
this 9mm weigh's very heavy on my fate
as i put tha gun to my head...flashes of life start in rotation
pictures of my childhood now theirs...... *hesitation*
->>pretty good...

my whole entire life starts to flash before my eyez
my open casket momma leanin over percistintley cries
as tha picture fades and i come back to reality
if i pull tha trigga i'll be anutha statistic...anutha young fatality
->>awesome imagery and flow is on point...

but why do i want to live for all this suffering and pain
its to late now they'll put me in a instatution an diagnose me insaine
now i feel some sweat start to form on my........hands
my life is like god forgot to make any.........plans
->>dont like the ........'s but if you break it into two bars its nice

i'm just a youth in a downward spiral on this planet earth
born premature its like they been tryin to kill me since birth
my prophicies were all complete like bein imprisoned
but this suicide i'm about to perform i did not vision?
->>decent...

but now me and only me i find myself at a crossroads
through out life ive been crossed by friends and foe's
but enough with tha talk my head's about to get caroted
i put tha gun to my head click........tha shit wasnt loaded?
->>hah nice surprise ending...cool shit


Mentalz...you had a nice verse but it was mad confusing like some of it I had to read several times before it made sense..work on making your topicals easier to read

Virtue...cool shit nice imagery throughout it and real nice ending...i read yours all the way through and i understood all of it the first time and it was all nice

More interanls are you fucking serious. get outa here. hurry up an throw down his next vote to get this shit out of the way, im tired of Uppin' it just so it gets slept on for dayz only to get polluted with dumb ass replies and reasons. Schema had the only decent feedback, appreciate it. Peace.

This was feedback posted for Mentalz
 

uppin for mentals

nice shit brah

Voted For: MIXTAPE

ill battle dawg..this battle was close but i give this too mixtape cuz i was feelin his rhythm and it hit harder to me..good topic this was a very dope battle..mix had a better imagery but mentalz had the better structure this shit was a decent battle