This was feedback posted for Tstorm
a test like no other..enemy closes,and i pray god keeps me cover
thoughts of my family left alone, and dreams of my distant lover a vision of blurred aura appears and changes state through my scope i cant stop the shaking, but somehow i manage to pickout his throat the bullet tears through his skin, and guilt fills my soul with dread im frozen in a state of panic as before me my enemy lays..dead.. i know its the end..my vision blurs, i know im set to meet my maker strangely theres no pain, all i see is my family..in fact i feel safer these were my favorite parts, i think you did a great job with imagery because i got the effect reading your verse as if I was with you when it happened. However, what i liked the most out of your verse was the fact that at the end you showed a very realistic point of view with hope. Outta all this pain and struggle in this area, the thing that make a reader connect is the fact that you have hope when you think about "seeing your family".. it helps one to make it through a hard time |
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This was feedback posted for Tstorm
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