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-   -   Legion vs Tstorm (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=183849)

~Lady Fiya~ 04-15-05 06:37 PM

This was feedback posted for Tstorm
 
a test like no other..enemy closes,and i pray god keeps me cover
thoughts of my family left alone, and dreams of my distant lover

a vision of blurred aura appears and changes state through my scope
i cant stop the shaking, but somehow i manage to pickout his throat
the bullet tears through his skin, and guilt fills my soul with dread
im frozen in a state of panic as before me my enemy lays..dead..

i know its the end..my vision blurs, i know im set to meet my maker
strangely theres no pain, all i see is my family..in fact i feel safer
these were my favorite parts, i think you did a great job with imagery because i got the effect reading your verse as if I was with you when it happened. However, what i liked the most out of your verse was the fact that at the end you showed a very realistic point of view with hope. Outta all this pain and struggle in this area, the thing that make a reader connect is the fact that you have hope when you think about "seeing your family".. it helps one to make it through a hard time

Re~Verb 04-19-05 03:15 PM

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Re~Verb 05-06-05 04:26 PM

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M-Eazy 05-10-05 10:22 AM

This was feedback posted for Tstorm
 
Checkin Polls............................................. .

Re~Verb 07-07-05 02:25 AM

uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp pppp


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