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Uppin again............................................
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Bump this up................................................ ............
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Voted For: art-stica~Mente
tweety- as follows are my fav bars . As i smell the free non-populated air, I'm free, free from the abyss The scars will heal. My tears are dry, and the whips will be perish Finally getting myself and my daughter out of that house of hell With a divorce papers in my hand, i knew everything in .................................................. ........................near future will go well My life changed forever once i got in that car, and drove off with my mom With my window down, sun shining, the branches on the tree's staying strong I felt the uneasiness‘, the ache in my stomach, as the nervousness’ crept While i saw him in a police car, his face, o thy horrible face I will never forget overall i wasnt feeling the structure but lookin beyond that you had great imagery n feelin in ya drop, some real emotion was protrayed in those bars i put uyp there, n the ending was pretty dope but i think you wouldve benifited from exploring the abuse ect that the child suffered, good drop, work on your text flow but you got most the rest on lock...good drop/............Daz . . . hnic- the followin are my fav bars "You knock me up and don't have the decency to marry me?" Then she'll go on and on about the nine months she carried me I'm an individual, but not so different u see Cuz there's a million other kids who've lived tha same life as me . overall, good grasp of the story n topic you protrayed.. i wouldve liked to see a little more emotion throughout the bars but it was heartfelt, although, you had the amount of lines to try n tell a more indepth story but you seemed to kinda ramble on at points..nontheless, good drop...Daz . . |
^^ Thanx for the honest vote....Upppin for some more damn votes......
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Voted For: art-stica~Mente
damn tweety u got this batle easy your first stanza or w/e u call em merked the other guys... no offence man.. but still. h-n-i-c: i think u are new to topicals if you are then i aint gonna shout lol i thought this was good for a new topical, emotion was there, vocab wasn't that good and i lost track about 2 times in your verse, you need to work on your structure coz it was messed up... other than that it was ok, you will elevate with some time just keep practising man you'll get it soon. Tweety: dam son this shiot was deep lol, almost depressing i liked the way u flipped it with the mother and daughter shit that was good... emotion was realll deep in this one and your vocab was good aswell... your my new favourite topical writer after this one man, good job with this here is a line that i think stood out from the others... The blood leaked from her face, the ribs showing that she hasn't eaten for days I knew I regret this, by not looking between the "she deserve it" catch phrase ^^ this was deep and dark, like she been neglected real dope verse fam good loooks pz v/ tweety for having a deeper/ better verse had a better understanding of the topica and also had better vocab... pz no hate |
Voted For: art-stica~Mente
nice drop......... small font is hard to read though.....:thumbup: structure was nice, ya whole verse flowed well from beginning to end and ya had a nice overall feel to the verse, approached the topic well and stayed on point throughout, didnt come at all basic with the vocabs, a nice depiction of the topic and i think the whole way you flipped it from mother to daughter was cool, also used some old english text in there which i liked, i think it added a little more feeling to the parts.....overall 8/10 HNIC not a bad drop..... structure was aight but cud use work, still the whole verse flowed well...i do think that you lacked direction in places and tended to slip away from the overall verse, it was more like a mixed verse to me, you started off dope with complexity and good feeling depicting a nice image of the topic, but near to the middle it got more basic and fell off which is what i think ruined ya verse....if ya wud've stayed more consistent i think you would have stood a better chance.....6/10 V/ - Tweety (aka artistica mente) RTF!! on the dizzee rascal battle!!! |
Alright consider a favor being returned....................Uppin
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Well, damn...it's about time...preciate tha honesty...............uppin
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^^ Yeah....YO H-N-I-C- you want to close this battle?..............its an 3-0 KO
>>>>>>????? |
Voted For: art-stica~Mente
Yeah, tweety be sick with topicals. both had a nice flow and decent vocab. but i managed to get more involved in tweetys, nice structure and a good story line in the backing. HNIC yours was good dont get me wrong, you have a lot of potential but you need to make it deeper in the future. NO hate, tweety RTF in sig within 3 days!! |
Voted For: art-stica~Mente
Aight Its Like This.. H-N-I-C: I Was Feeling Your Piece A Lot. Your Vocabulary Was Potent and Your Imagery Was On Topic, but Your Emotion and Direction Is What I Thought Lacked. A Lot of Fillers Within Your Verse That Kept Beating Around The Bush and I Felt Your Emotion Wasn't There. That Was Your Only Downfall. Tweety: Aight, Well Yours Was Almost The Complete Opposite of H-N-I-Cs. Your Direction and Emotion Was Fabulous but Your Vocabulary Lacked A Lot. You Get My Vote Because Your Imagery Was Consistent and You Took 3 of The 4 Categories That I Look For When I Vote. Vote - Tweety For More Emotion, Direction, and Imagery. ~R~ |
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