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This was feedback posted for ¤ÐÅž¤
wow!!!
for a 10 line topical this is strong,its filled with great concepts and good usage of words,I like the way you twisted shit around.....the end is played to be the beggining. |
This was feedback posted for ¤ÐÅž¤
this was a good battle......
..both had some good lines and concepts... .........i liked kids closing line about our death bed being our beginning but daz had a good closer too..... ........damn cant vote im in TC but good job to both of you... |
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You should ALWAYS write text with your audio style for topicals.. That rm style of bar setup for punchlines in text is makes topicals look really herbish.. And I a lot of people would realise that on sites with better heads.. |
Voted For: ¤ÐÅž¤
this was a close and decent battle people... i didn't realise daz did topicals lol... daz: this was a dope piece of writing you had good emotion vocab was dope multies were dope flow and structure were all good fam... nothing wrong wit your verse what so ever... here is a couple lines i felt that stood out from the rest: Biased upon ways, we were only singular in decay…. Till religion was made, The decision was laid, the last man standing a-cross, was to pay for our trade, ^^ deep lol this was dope, talking bout jesus good job :D nos: ight man your verse was dope also if u started your verse how it finished i believe you would'av won it... the only thing i didn't like in your verse was the opener i wasn't feeling it at all... other than that your emotion was real good multies were there and your vocab was decent... like i said if the first line was better you wouldav got this, flow and structure was also on point throughout this peice, here is a line i think stood out from the rest: I believe that the light rays, help us understand the immortal.. The next level, we might stay, or only dip our hands in this portal.. ^^ this was dope i was picturing this whikle i was reading it lol... real good man v/ daz for staying consistant going deeper into the topic and staying in there wit more emotion... hope this vote is ok i never usually vote on topicals lol pz and no hate |
Voted For: iLL as a killers grill®
¤ÐÅž¤ verse In The Beginning In the beginning there were 9 wonders like an inning…smirking and grinning, Thou the earth wasn’t winning… man would cause symmetry with its sinning, ^ To be honest...you tried too hard to rhyme...the symmetry thing i can't see the relevance to Biased upon ways, we were only singular in decay…. Till religion was made, The decision was laid, the last man standing a-cross, was to pay for our trade, ^ Better a lot of rhymes...but in this instance it was good...but topic is effected by the directness in rhymes Now if we stand with science, its facts and belief now traveling in an alliance, Try to compromise both like mien’s …, but mines(minds)are still in defiance, ^ miens?...either a typo but is that a word?....prolly sposed to be means...a topic for now...yes but a topic for the beginning...not really... Ive tried to walk the line of a purest, but it sure is, tough to see where the turn is, So I list n listen to where the cure is, but the truth seems to be the furthest … ^ rhyme rhyme rhyme...but it's off point...they are good bars but i can't see the connection with the topic itself Thoughts are left doubting… while rights; are at best now joisting for sinning… Decades of thinking. ”the end”, now move on n make this your new beginning.. ^ i'm gonna say good bar...but the only one that was on topic . ¤ÐÅž¤ Nostradamus Verse In the beginning. The aftermath slowly smokes my focus.. Who am I?, whered I come from? & Did humans transform like hokus pokus? ^ Good opener layout a bit mmm...but the opener is on topic Cause this worlds a circus's packed of un-perfect persons.. You sayin adam and eve? I'm defining our worthless purpose.. ^ Adam & Eve = relevant and the connection is ok good bar See being humans a transition stage, to be on the right page.. From flesh and bones, to being set free from a time cage.. ^ good bar i liked the whole transition thing I believe that the light rays, help us understand the immortal.. The next level, we might stay, or only dip our hands in this portal.. ^ the next level...resembles a new beginning ok bar liking Wake up, you been sleeping meat head.. See we aint knee deep in the dead, our real forms aint born yet.. ^ best bit of the verse So would it surprise you, To hear a humans beginning was on their death bed.. Ask yourself.. ^ Nicely finished...*thinking lol* Overall Interesting battle...topically...and this is my view point...Nos was more on point from start to finish...Daz no hate man but honestly there was only 1 bar on point of this whole topic...the rest to me made me think you were speaking about NOW and not the beginning...your styles weakness is that you will go off topic if you're not careful...if anything i advise for topicals you dumb down the multies coz IMO it didn't help... Nos not the best i seen but definitely more on point...the topic was well handled slipped on 1 bar IMO but overall handled it better... V/Nos...RTF within 4 days (as Prem ain't dropped & due tomorrow) or vote removed :thumbup: |
Voted For: ¤ÐÅž¤
WOW, this was a really good battle for as short as it was.. i was feeling Daz' more because he left me with more information and a bit more reading to keep my interest... i gotta say the Imagery and Emotion were all soo close.. The Flow was about even because Daz had multi's... i really dont know how to rate this cause i could honestly give it a tie.. i think i gotta give it to daz tho just for more enjoyment reading his piece.. it was very close tho.. so no hate.. Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
Voted For: iLL as a killers grill®
Well Dis Was Overall The Close-est Topical Battle I've Ever Voted On.....Daze You Came With A More Of "Whats Gonna Happen" Theory...and overall You Key Was Good But i Don't Think It Stood Close To Nos....Nos Yours Was More Real-listic All About The Transforimg Thing It Really Like Made You Look To See The Next Lines...Overall I Think Nos Took Dis....No Hard Feelings To Any....And i Guess Theres Always Room For Improvment.....~1~ |
Voted For: iLL as a killers grill®
This was actually a good, close battle in my opinion...both came great. Reason i chose Nos was mainly cuz of the way he took the topic...i felt it was a lot more unique. Daz's verse felt more of the normal way you would go for a topic like "in the beginning" where he said In the beginning there were 9 wonders like an inning smirking and grinning,...it sounds redundent throughout the verse it feels like just boring...it has no flavor to it, the vocabulary gave it some but it just didnt feel right... I liked the way Nos took it because it was just different then what i would expect...the words he chose and like what he was saying it wasnt boring...it was dope and the ending was better in my opinion...in daz's verse it felt like ive heard his ending before and it just wasnt a twist...almost predictable overall both did good but i vote Nos cuz it felt more original and more intriguing to read good luck peace |
werd, see nos...2 more votes n no rematch..lol
fucka battle, i hope you win, i couldnt be bothered doing topical.........4-3...lol, closest battle youve had in a while i bet..im right huh.? |
Voted For: ¤ÐÅž¤
ppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepaggggggggg ggeeeeeeeeee Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
Voted For: iLL as a killers grill®
aight i didnt quite get daz's ... ima have to go through it lines by line.. In the beginning there were 9 wonders like an inning…smirking and grinning, Thou the earth wasn’t winning… man would cause symmetry with its sinning, ^^^inning... is that cricket talk?.. ... so the 9 wonders were happy, but the earth was shit, and then man would cause balance by sinning? eh?? Biased upon ways, we were only singular in decay…. Till religion was made, The decision was laid, the last man standing a-cross, was to pay for our trade, ^^^we wer only decaying one by one until religion came? what? The second line is fragmented, but i think i get it. Now if we stand with science, its facts and belief now traveling in an alliance, Try to compromise both like mien’s …, but mines(minds)are still in defiance, ^^^First line I get sort of. But wtf @ the second line.. it doesnt make sense with the first line. and what is a mien? Ive tried to walk the line of a purest, but it sure is, tough to see where the turn is, So I list n listen to where the cure is, but the truth seems to be the furthest … ^^^first line was nice (if you meant purist and not purest), second line rhymes seemed slightly forced. Thoughts are left doubting… while rights; are at best now joisting for sinning… Decades of thinking. ”the end”, now move on n make this your new beginning.. ^ ok................ wtf? hmmm... it was OK I guess. But it didnt make a whole lot of sense. I thought about it in every way possible and was sort of able to put a vague meaning to it, but still.. wtf. It was full of malapropisms. The vocab was nice, but the way you used it wasnt. It seemed kind of like you were just trying to sound spiritual and curious by using big words and confusing voters. Flow was alright, but shit seemed kind of like you thought of rhymes AND THEN thought of the lines... so it turned out forced. The whole plot/theme of it was unclear, but what I got out of it was that there was a pure beginning, which was destroyed by man.... which is a pretty general/common/boring outlook that you would see from a topic like "in the beginning".. ya know? Nos: Flowed more like a track and less like text. Plot/theme was better than daz's I thought. That life is meaningless and the REAL beginning comes when we end. vocab was used better than daz's. Dunno what else to say... Basically I thought nos took this because his verse made more sense and didnt seem as forced... plus his shit was more original... and thats truth. Daz, you've got it all except diction. Improve ya diction and it'll improve ya verses. |
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baahhh I hate it when people say that and there was no multis?!?! GO learn what a multi is.... grrr.. .................................................. ................. |
Voted For: iLL as a killers grill®
Vote: Nostradamus Daz: you approache dthe topic from well a typical angle there was no originality, your verse is solid to a degree, but there is a lot of half-rhymes in this, i.e stuff that rhymes but not all the way if u feel me, vocab was cool, id say you needed mre creativity and more to challengethe reader Nos: I like the way you structured this, was diffeent initially i thought u had exceeded line limit, the dots at the end of every line got annoyin, vocab was used well and effectively, i liked your topic approach, about well basically a person became at what most regard as the end of thier life...dopeness...shit had me thinking on the real Vote-Nos |
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