Voted For: Lawless (Hs)

damn
good drop to da both of you
structure=both
creativity=lawless;inter,i felt that yours was lackin a little
punches=lawless;once again inter was left in the dust
metas=lawless;inter no where near
so i

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This was feedback posted for Intermental
 

Nice verse fam i like the sole line shit was tight

Yo lawless you gotta agree the frost bite vote should be removed

Voted For: Intermental

pussy.. why you on a collision course wit the best/
if you act like a action hero I won't neglect to put the 'fantastic 4' to ya chest/
^^^too long and whack......not a punch
intermental will change his ways when Law round/
either that or catch more strays then a fuccin' dog pound/
^^^Weak as fuq......
you done mastered frontin' ta' people/
you mind as well try out for Football in Philly cause it's the only way you runnin' wit 'eagles'/
^^^Suks.....
yo skills are limited how you gon diss me b?/
when I pop I bet Intermental a drop like Dirk Nowitzki 3/
^^^forced rhyme and weak
then I'll keep unloadin' hollows/
talk shit and get 'capped' like a fuckin' Coca Cola bottle/
^^^wat the hell?stretched,uncreative,and weak
you wack and clear to see through like dasani too/
get outta line and CSI uh' tuck you in cover like ya Mommy do/
^^Weak....whack....
I can fucc you up..... ONE VERSE... lend a pencil/
or I can snuff you up... ONE HURSE.... after the shots "inter" "mental"/
^^^Terrible nameplay

Ok....change up your style and shit.It's whack.Get rid of the newb structure.U had some lines where you spoke about beatin Inter...which is a no-no.Had couple of forced rhymes too.U need work.


The only time lawless wud beat me is like david blaine and usin drastic magic,
My punches smack him in his stomach and now hes coughing up lactic acid,
^^strong rhyming there...but self glorified
Does he realise he battlin me.......Its like I sprayed mase in his eyes,
Hes like R Kelly, He thinks he can beat me, he really believes he can fly
^^Whack.......
Yo its a mistake battlin me cos imma expose u like eve and that sex tape,
you a fake, Yo jus write Inter in ure "notable losses" cos it seem like fate
^^^^This was weak.....
Mix lawless with rap and we automatically dissolve this,
Cos it dont go well together but he can't control shit,
^^^Weak....
Im kickin this guys ass with my shoes where the hole at?
Look at his shoes..............now wheres his soul (sole) at........,
^^OK......
He tryin to teach "tha law" but lawless full of "flaw",
So check youreself, i thought u waz hard, what you runnin for
^^^Meh...decent I guess

Had some decent lines there.Just get some fesh concept in there.Fix ya structure up too.Worst bar was 1st. because you spoke about beating the other guy.But you get the win for acuattly dissing.

Vote-Intermental
Vote in battle with Puss-C vs Kool Col-B

ite thanks upppin....will RTF in a couple days aiite

uppp.............................................. ...............

Voted For: Intermental

pussy.. why you on a collision course wit the best/
if you act like a action hero I won't neglect to put the 'fantastic 4' to ya chest/
^^not a diss at all...0/10
intermental will change his ways when Law round/
either that or catch more strays then a fuccin' dog pound/
^^^no......1/10
you done mastered frontin' ta' people/
you mind as well try out for Football in Philly cause it's the only way you runnin' wit 'eagles'/
^^bah...ight.....3/10
yo skills are limited how you gon diss me b?/
when I pop I bet Intermental a drop like Dirk Nowitzki 3/
^^forced rhyme for real....3/10
then I'll keep unloadin' hollows/
talk shit and get 'capped' like a fuckin' Coca Cola bottle/
^^played........2/10
you wack and clear to see through like dasani too/
get outta line and CSI uh' tuck you in cover like ya Mommy do/
^^^NO....a mom line?....2/10
I can fucc you up..... ONE VERSE... lend a pencil/
or I can snuff you up... ONE HURSE.... after the shots "inter" "mental"/
^^^finnally a personal bu it sucked..2/10

Fix ya structure up.YA can't have a line with 5 words then a line with 15 right above it.And stop with the "/' at the end.Looks more newbish.And get some punches.Get some multis and metaphors.

The only time lawless wud beat me is like david blaine and usin drastic magic,
My punches smack him in his stomach and now hes coughing up lactic acid,
^^^good rhyming...good punch...5/10
Does he realise he battlin me.......Its like I sprayed mase in his eyes,
Hes like R Kelly, He thinks he can beat me, he really believes he can fly
^^^^OK......5/10
Yo its a mistake battlin me cos imma expose u like eve and that sex tape,
you a fake, Yo jus write Inter in ure "notable losses" cos it seem like fate
^^set up bad as sex lines are redundant..but 3/10
Mix lawless with rap and we automatically dissolve this,
Cos it dont go well together but he can't control shit,
^^^nah...punch lacked....3/10
Im kickin this guys ass with my shoes where the hole at?
Look at his shoes..............now wheres his soul (sole) at........,
^^Soul/sole lines played....3/10
He tryin to teach "tha law" but lawless full of "flaw",
So check youreself, i thought u waz hard, what you runnin for
^^OK...4/10

Hmm...mediocre verse here.I think you need the step your rhyme sheme up.One sllyable rhyming doesn't cut -it anymore.Had some played lines.Some wordplay and metaphors would have been nice too.And step your personal game up.

Vote-Intermal
Ooh...and in my battle with the mexican guy...is that guy mad dawg?cause you called him mad dawg...so is he?

Voted For: Intermental

pussy.. why you on a collision course wit the best/
if you act like a action hero I won't neglect to put the 'fantastic 4' to ya chest/

WEAK SET UP, GOOD WORDPLAY IN PUNCH.

intermental will change his ways when Law round/
either that or catch more strays then a fuccin' dog pound/

NICE WORDPLAY

you done mastered frontin' ta' people/
you mind as well try out for Football in Philly cause it's the only way you runnin' wit 'eagles'/

MEH, OK...


yo skills are limited how you gon diss me b?/
when I pop I bet Intermental a drop like Dirk Nowitzki 3/

UMMM........

then I'll keep unloadin' hollows/
talk shit and get 'capped' like a fuckin' Coca Cola bottle/

PLAYED CONCEPT, WELL WEAK PUNCH.

you wack and clear to see through like dasani too/
get outta line and CSI uh' tuck you in cover like ya Mommy do/

MEH, DECENT FLOW ATTEMPTED WORDPLAY.


I can fucc you up..... ONE VERSE... lend a pencil/
or I can snuff you up... ONE HURSE.... after the shots "inter" "mental"/

GOOD NAMEPLAY.

__________________________________________



The only time lawless wud beat me is like david blaine and usin drastic magic,
My punches smack him in his stomach and now hes coughing up lactic acid,

GOOD SETUP, PUNCH FELL OFF.

Does he realise he battlin me.......Its like I sprayed mase in his eyes,
Hes like R Kelly, He thinks he can beat me, he really believes he can fly

YEAH NICE PUNCH.

Yo its a mistake battlin me cos imma expose u like eve and that sex tape,
you a fake, Yo jus write Inter in ure "notable losses" cos it seem like fate

KINDA WEAK.

Mix lawless with rap and we automatically dissolve this,
Cos it dont go well together but he can't control shit,

MEH....WEAK REALLY.

Im kickin this guys ass with my shoes where the hole at?
Look at his shoes..............now wheres his soul (sole) at........,

ATTEMPTED WORDPLAY, BUT NOT THAT HARD HITTIN.

He tryin to teach "tha law" but lawless full of "flaw",
So check youreself, i thought u waz hard, what you runnin for

FAKE PERSONAL GOOD NAMEPLAY IN SETUP.

______________________________________________

law, you need to fix your structure up definately man, it kills your whole verse and work on not stretchin your lines and makin em equal.

Both came weak, but inter gets my vote cos some of laws bars were played to fuck and others had no punch.

crappy battle rally, both step up ya game.

Voted For: Intermental

v/Intermental

I thought his punches hit harder and he had some ok nameplay. His was also more understandable, so it flowed better.

Lawless- I thought you had good wordplay expecially:

'I can fucc you up..... ONE VERSE... lend a pencil/
or I can snuff you up... ONE HURSE.... after the shots "inter" "mental"/'

That was good, this made me think twice on my vote, but in the end i thought intermental was better.