ay good drop...had good imagery as everybody else has said already lol...but work on ur metaphors a lil an everything will come 2getha fa u...keep elevatin

emotion is nice thru this. The topic could of run a bti deeper,but apart from that this is a nice drop. you could of extended your vocab a bit more,more vocab means alot more emotion.

You should of run alot deeper with this topic, taken time and done more of a scripture peice. I know Rv dont like long drops but idf its dope they will read it.

nice drop

Thanx for the feed n Ysdat i will holla at ya for a collab some time!!!!

decent drop, the emotion was great as well as imagery.. the only tip i'd give you would be to measure your piece with enough metaphors, a few multis would be nice.. and a more complex rhyme scheme try to expand your vocab... this was pretty short, i would like to see another verse added to this if possible.. but for as it is, it's pretty decent.

stay up kid.
1

nice drop here fa sho playa da hook, vocab, concept, strucutre & originality was there eva thang was on point i like u did dat keep writing cuz u got potential 8.5/10

hot om here!

ya was able to make reading the text....... into one big story in my head
really good flow to it.... the creativity was very good.....
and i liked the guest apperence for the hook......

overall 8.5/10




*see under my sig for the Livin' Legendz OM*

Thanx for all the feed.......Watch Out for my 2 new OMs coming up!!!!:thumbup:

yeh get at me. .

look i felt this it made me wanna drop a line so i did

Have a bold voice but like an old horse still has the ill
Ability to work not a silly jerk so I progress at will
In a trap situation after an application to work at McDonald
Flipping burgers tripping after mergers with French fries Ronald
The clown got pissed couldn’t frown on this like a coach
He demanded that I play by the rules stay in school and approach
Classes with vengence