This was feedback posted for PiZawNeD
 

pollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lllls

This was feedback posted for PiZawNeD
 

checkin some shit

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Voted For: PiZawNeD

Pizawned your verse basically sucked, u hardley rhymed, your punches were weak as hell, deranged verse was basically overall better, this vote goes 2 deranged

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation.

This was feedback posted for Deranged
 

just peepin the battle....hood shyt.............peep the battle in my sig

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Voted For: Deranged

Deranged: Well, you won with the first bar as it was quite complex and a good homonym. Structure was pretty good, flow was alright, some good wordplay and punches were pretty decent but concepts wheren't anything special.

Pizawned: This was a real typical newb verse, the rhymes were forced, I guess you had a multi or two in there which was good, the punches were really weak and made no sense. Overall a poor verse, but you had multi's which upped it.

Still, easy win for Deranged.

v/ Deranged

Would you both drop a vote in my battle please:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=206973

Voted For: Deranged

ur got nutin to be proud of..shit..so go slit ur wrists in the crowd
like cacophonic vocalists...this bitch shouldn't spit aloud (allowed)
^^worded badly, otherwise mighta hit
so quit right now...u tripped on the mound...u better off making no sound
beat u before..I'll beat again. peirce ya breast with a stake,hit the ground
^^no, threats
u musta forgot..i ripped you last time..u started to rot in the post
smokin up that ganja with the gravel paper cuz your knot at all dope
^^ok
just stop..there's no hope..start the run home..u beated by the worst rhymes
only time u moving up that ladder/latter is when foamin on the climbers
^^needed better wording
why you bother coming?..you must be tired of the pain,bitch,you can't beat me
rap may have been a faze (phase)..but you lost it n it explains the insanity
^^ok
so get ready for the anotomy.. u life reject....u never picked on in the party last
u never got ur back on the thrown/throne like fat people in karate class
^^I've used this wordplay myself, but you're doing it wrong IMO. You should set up the context, so people expect a certain word e.g. they expect thrown, but then you use the OTHER spelling to introduce the wordplay: this is how I used it in an old battle:

You'll never be king of rap, ya too crap to earn that place,
But you might get royal treatment and throne.......out flat on ya face

vs.


Yo man i dont suck man im just new/
Deranged,?I have no idea or clue/
^^pointless, weak
When i finish ya ull prolly have diarreah/
Guess wut im gonna say when u lose?SEE YA/
^^lol too childish
Ya man,I aint that easy,ill prolly be five-and-o/
If i was easy,I would prolly lose in-a-day-or-so/
^^filler
New york,?i think u a wanna be man from new york man/
Uve been here longer then me,i wonder why u still dont have-a-clan/
^^okish
Battling me,?not so easy,queers like u cant be the-one/
Get yo sorry tail outta here man,or u gonna be shined away by the sun/
^^nah
Even with 144 posts,ull lose like WA-BAM/
Crying wont get ya anywhere,cuz im ready to eat u like im ready to eat-a-clam/
^^lol corny as hell

man you're too new, I'm not gonna give advice yet, cos you're way off the level at the mo, no hate, just facts.

VOTE ON BATTLE IN MY SIG, THANKS