Seems like you dont have a natural flow so its gon be harder,uhh jus work on it a lot...

your Content is Fine dogg.... it juss doesnt sound like your trying to rap... you know what im saying.... even wit the mic you got.... you can make yourself sound pretty good... peep the tutorials on cool edit.... so you can get your mixing down... and as far as the rapping... you gotta put your heart into what your saying... Remember your lyrics... and when you go to lay them down in cool edit... spit them shits with Conviction..... you know.... for a first try..... believe it or not.... i've heard Worse... so... Keep on keepin on kiko... hold ya head... and keep at it...

damn i like this song whyd you use this beat : /
ok flow is off btu thats obvious not too bad for your first try make your lines shorter make sure you hit the snares thats the clappign noise if you listen
lyricallyy i didnt really listen cause of your flow to be honest
you should remember your lyrics cause its killing your presence and delivery
also you can record in 2 or 4 bar segments thatll help with your breat control
overall not too badd keep dropping
ill collab wiht you
rtf - http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=234545

Are you the first or the 2nd guy?

listenin!

you tryed!

ok um you should like work on you flow a lil...rehearse it till you are confortable..like you have control of your own breathe,take ur voice a lil up when u spit and dont stay too close to the mic,i think you had a great idea on this..pretty cool..wel def delivery is slacking but meh u'll get better at it!...

keep at it!

..yay another audio head!

It sounded like you were freestyling almost and you started right in the middle of the beat. I can BARELY hear your voice, your quality ain't even that bad you have to work on your delivery, flow, presence and lyrics. All the open spaces between your verses and your chorus is un-necessary. For a first song, this is sometimes expected I disagree with those that make it seem like you are a lost cause. If you need tips or have questions, then hit me up.

ight lmao......flow is really off beat makes ur vocals sound real bad.....u need to smooth ur flow it sounds like u jus runnin ya gums in shit mumblin n shit naw mean need to fix that....when the beat has more emotion than you thats sad....?you got 2 years to live.....u jus basically need to work on everythin naw mean ight my dude stay up get better....