Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

^owned

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

hahahaha

homie I was so bored, high and lonely all by myself at 2am I just fucking went through 45 pages easy in an hour

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML



wasogihwoivnwonvwseounv LMAOOOO

What I found funny, was that amongst all the problems people were posting that were having substantial negative impacts on their lives (divorce, injuries, being called fat by your boyfriend, etc.), there was this...

"Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert."

^^ forgot the Fuck My Life at the end yo ahaha

hahahahahaha that is horrible. Im getting dragged to that fag fest

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

Buahaha. Awesome

Today, I had to make a family tree for one of my classes. When I was going through it, I realized that both my parents have the same last name. So, I asked them about it and they told me that they are second cousins. FML

Today, I was drunk and horny. So I texted "I want to fuck your pussy" to my girlfriend. I later realized that I had accidentally substituted the s for the p, and actually said "I want to fuck your puppy." FML

^LOL @ penis of death

chupa mi pene :evilgrin: