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-   -   What life gives - Collab : ST n The Realist (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=81183)

SummonedTitan 09-29-03 04:02 PM

once more on my terms ya know?

Mr.Christensen 10-15-03 11:28 AM

4th up
1 left
feedback please thank you

yog_dogg 10-15-03 11:46 AM

yeah thsi was some real good shit.. props to the both of ya... TR is always real good in his collabs

Emotion 11-04-03 06:36 PM

mann this peice was hot!

The chorus was dope, it had nice flow and it was dope allthrough, Both verses were strong,

Hit mine up please,

FormulaMC 11-04-03 07:57 PM

Good piece here. I don't know quite how to describe it.. but in all 3 verses the flow paused for a moment after a line. Lemme show:

ST's 1st:

From the first start, this isn't what i've chosen//
Fighting my life frozen, not to move when i'm provoken//
Its like lifes part of the mic chokin' like the cords wrapped in token//
To take my thoughts my minds broken//
^^^ After the third line, you should came with a line that rhymed with Cause then hit it off from there. Work on the flow and word usage.

Realist's Verse:

New to this, he made fun of my lunchbox man
How many little kids you know own a grand
Reprimand then made it all seem like a plan
^^^ Once again, after the 2nd line, maybe you shoulda N ended with a word that rhymed with knives. Your Flow was good in your verse tho, props for that.

ST's 2nd:

Its not my case to bitch, neither is it yours//
But i'm not here to tell a story, so don't tell me yours//
My lifes like the itches without cures//
^^^ Same explaination. Cancel the 3rd line N start with the rhyming word for the following 3 lines.

OVERALL: Flow was good, could be worked on a lil bit. Imagery was great from Realist, ST, you could use some work on that and your internals. Vocab was decent, up it a little. Good read tho, Keep Droppin.

-Formula.

**I'ma have a new drop up soon.. look out for it and drop a reply.. either one of ya'll/both... Much appreciation**

$pitacular 11-04-03 08:01 PM

poetic, but not that original... some lines seemed used up, some rhymes were predictable.

good quality as far as talent, but hone your skillz and focus.

peace


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