**wipes tears**

Man that was some dope shit...that last line was like WHOA
i loved this in every way..it was should i say FANTASTIC in my words..u always have good shitt...very good imagination

or was this a true story??

I remember you putting this together on AIM the other day, it came out pretty good. . :)

I liked the whole storyline, up until your last "stanza." With such a flawless construction, I don't know why you didn't take it further. I wished you would've wrote of the resolution and what happened after the diagnosis. Regardless, it was a dope piece & innovative, for that matter.

sorry for freeposting this goes to BIG E Z go fuk ure self dog u and ure whole bunk ass white boy country full of "wankers" lol dumb bastards why u go into threads just to talk shit? ure a waste of space and time and life for that matter yo
go die!

^ Im white, and from england so yeah. .


^ you may wanna take that back, seeing as i write better and battle better than 90% of you americans on this site. .

I dont think it was siick the rest

to me it was okay, flow was very very simple

vocab was okay, the only thing that made me even read it was the concept

you need to come up wit a better flow and lay off the simple rhyme schemes i see u doing

"Hoping that Either id be respected, & shown True Peers Love,
or become noticed, & then fulfill what id Always Dreamed Of."

very simple

the only line i really liked was the one about cancer stiks

basically it

7/10

work on a better rhyme scheme and flow, its too basic, just had a good concept
1

definitly a hot piece, you really broght the imaginary and descritions amazing, the way you described everythig was on point...great read...check my new poeice out..thanks peace

Renagade - before you reply to any more of my pieces, go learn to define what makes a piece. If i wanted a piece with amazing flow, internals, punches and seven syllable multi's in each line, im more than capable of doing that, fact is -

Rhymes like that have little if ANY substance to them.

Writing like that, you cant get across your writers voice, you cant give the piece depth, emotion, imagery etc, it just dosent happen. Ever. So before you get on a high horse complaining, learn how to fucking write yourself and realise, EVERY PIECE DOSENT REVOLVE AROUND PUNCHES / WORPLAY AND MULTI'S IN EVERY SINGLE SYLLABLE FOR MORONS LIKE YOURSELF.

it just gets me aggitated kids tryna speak on stuff they know nothing about. thats all.

its funny you say you cant use multis and dont express yourself the same way

1: go play an Eminem CD

out

^ Bad decision. . :(

^^^^^^ camarac...clearly ure an exception but i aint takin shit back if u dont like wat i said then so be it anyway i have said that u do write well so get off my back just cuz one of ure fellow "brits" decided to talk shit instead of critique ure piece

my bad for freeposting this
im out
peace