RapVerse.com Community - The Clown of His Own Life

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- - The Clown of His Own Life (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=91423)

:whacky: come on people .. dont get shy on me na .. still uppin for real feedback .. get at me! uppin!

Hey, can you post up who you replied to?
Rules Thread Link - More Information On It Can Be Found Here
Thanks Man.

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor
Hey, can you post up who you replied to?
Rules Thread Link - More Information On It Can Be Found Here
Thanks Man.

ay thanks yo! good lookin out .. get at me!

"do they HAVE to be OPEN MICS? can they be POETIC SCRIPTURE replies?" :confused:

yea homie it came out fresh i like dat get at me iight one

Supreme Da Ghost

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor
Hey, can you post up who you replied to?
Rules Thread Link - More Information On It Can Be Found Here
Thanks Man.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=93165
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92995
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=93367

there's the 3 links to my replies of other open mics .. took me a while to find em .. but i found em .. get at me!

aright yall .. i'm still uppin!

Quote:

Originally posted by WORD~PERFECT
he has trouble getting passed his ugly past
his own life trespassed him, hard to compare and contrast

POETIC AND GRAPHIS RELATIVE TO ANY READER SO YOU GOT THE ATTENTION.

what's going on with this life
strifes for high but ends up a lowlife so he reaches for his jackknife
his mind is way off course
forced straight into the source of his only friend remorse
he thinks it's him that his own life's looking down on him
hanging high on the rim, he's inches from falling off the limb
he's a victim for being a prisoner to himself
so oneself shoves his whole future into somebody else's shelf

AGAIN VERY RALATIVE TO ANY PERSON GOING THROUGH STRIFE INCOUNTERING THE SILIQUIY WITHIN.

his own mind died down
he's a thumbs-down, his muscles shutdown as his body clampsdown

DIDNT LIKE THE REUSE OF DOWN IN THIS BAR.

he's just a clown that's gone a lot wacky
his eye sight's blurry because his tears running out fiercely

DOESNT FIT RHYME......

he tries so hard to try to get control of his problem
but his ignorace gets the better of his wisdom
now he's living below the bottom of his own scrotum
the volume of his own welcome kills him like it was a snake's venom

MAKES ALOT OF SENCE BUT FALLOWS A VERY WEAK RHYME STRUCTURE .

IT WAS AN ILL READ LIKE I SAID BUT NEEDS IMPROVMENT SWITCHING FROM ABSTRACT AND BASIC RHYME IS HARD ENOUGH BUT MAKING IT OBVIOUS MAKES IT EASY TO CRITIQUE NEGATIVE.YOU GOT TALENT THATS OBVIOUS JUST BRUSH UP A LIL BIT.

^Very good review. One thing I suggest is work on your structure...

Return the favor:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=93392

.. uhm .. aright then .. it's feedback .. i guess .. uppin! get at me!

Yo!!! Whats good playa???!!!!

Yea yea yea, this was a pretty hot drop son. You had mad good word play wich lead to a nice vision and feeling of this peice. You can feel the tone and the energy of this drop wich was tiight. Keep doin yo thang and elivate'n. Be easy son and holla at me, 1

i'm feelin the feedback fellaz .. keep em comin as long as this thread is still open .. get at me! uppin!

Hey this shit was hot. good word play. very descriptive. keep droppin. overall 7/10.

aright . . may be if yall fellaz gave good feedback as in my downfalls . . and what i did good . . that would help a lot . . but aright . . i'm still uppin fellaz . . and ladies . . if any happen to drop in and take a peep . . get at me! uppin!

i like the topic you chose... some people really feel that way but hide it from everybody... it was strong in the beginning and started straying from everything that was making it a GREAT read toward the end. Saty focused... it's okay to go back and rewrite stuff if you feel it ain't right... you'll know when it's right!... it's like they say, you're usually ya own worst critic!... if you think it's garbage or sounds like sum'n you wouldn't listen to from another artist then chuck it... at the same time ya gotta remember to stay original and build ya own style... don't copy what others do but expand and create off of the greats... keep that whole vivid vocab selection and imagery you were using in the beginning... buld off of that since that seems to be your strong point... then you can work on ya focus.... ya gotta stay on the subject and it's gotta flow...like a movie.... when ya got those two things down you can work on ya structure to bring everything together... omma real critical type of guy and i go over my own stuff worse than anyone i know.... also remember that when ya gotta title like the one you had ya hafta think about the length of the rhyme... this was entirely too short and should have been worked on more thoroughly.... if you would have taken ya time to write this i'm sure it would have been a lot better...it wasn't bad... but it still needs work.... keep writin' dawg! as long as you view these critiques as sum'n that'll help you in the long run you'll be fine

^^right there is what i was lookin fo yall! that's "FEEDBACK" . . SHUT the "i liked this peice a lot . . i give it a 7/10" bullshit! thank you D.I.G.z for giving that well written feedback . . now i'd like to see feedback just like that . . and try not to quote off somebody that already has . . that's just telling me you really don't have your own mind . . but thanks for the feedback D.I.G.z! i apreciate that! get at me! uppin! :thumbup: