Hmmz

The ...concept was nice

Liked these lines the most:

The house was like a fairytale, a sudden Dream Come True,
we'd often Hold Hands together as we went to See The Zoo.
I thought He was Cool. . & back then we'd go play for hours,
on the Acres of grass he owned, or inside that place of ours,

Maybe cause i can relate a little, ..sometimes the flow was off, and went into a poetic direction in my opinion ..but the message in this piece corrected that , ..vocab fitted right into this, and all by all this was a nice read..

I doubt you understood it fully. The concept wasnt 'nice' at all

= /

Fucking hell .. upping for some decent replies ..

The topic was interesting..a little disturbing but it worked.
The only thing i can really add to what other people have said is...it wasn't just your flow or vocab that was nice.It was the way you worded your lines..that sort of brought the whole thing together, real good storytelling aswel.

ive bin told on other sites my replies are not decent :(

Flow - Simple flow, but it was straight
Topic - Very good topic, I was really feelin that hommie
Rhyme Scheme - It was straight, but didnt fade your flow
Allusion - Awsome, Very very good job homie
Synonyms - Did good with em.
Multies - Did a nice job with multies
Conept - I was feeling the concept, had me thinking. nice.

Over all - 9 / 10

Where are you at from england hommie? I use to live at lakenheath A.F.B. You live anywhere near there, or live there.
P.M. me aight hommie.

OUT

-High Class a.k.a Confusion

^ Wolverhampton, Near Birmingham actually ..

GODDAMN, THIS SHIT WAS FIRE MY NIGGA. VOCAB WAS GREAT, FLOW WAS PERFECT, AND THE CONCEPT WAS GENIUS, TRULY INOVATIVE PIECE, A DEF. 10/10.
PIECE.

that was tight dawg.....the Vocab was Awesome....the structure was different But allround 10/10 real tight shit Kuz

I thought this was a great peice...the structure and flow was perfection...the story was pretty well planned and told...nothing to literary about it...but it was still ill...some great lines were:

I i Couldnt Sleep that night .. I remember Shutting my Eyes,
& my spine shiverin at the thought of him touching my thigh

holla

^ Thanks my man. :)

boing

def some really good shyt here i was def likin it from start to finish keep it comin iight................