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i'm liking the name, for obvious reasons - but i digress

this piece was quite simple at the endings, and you lacked the multis and the syllables that would enhance flow to the point of greatness

yes, this piece was well done - but every artists' dream is to strive to a point where they don't know what they can do to make themselves any better

you just need to work on word choice, and a little on bar structure - but you have the general concept of topical down, liking it

try something that's more original though, and expand your views so you can take something that hasn't been done, and do it a whole new way - and make readers want to participate by checking it out

good piece, though

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