Uppin one last time for feedback

The flow was well done, and it got carried by some nice syllable work here and there - although sometimes it jogged, it was pretty much perfect all the way through

the style of your writing isn't as unique as it should be if you want a lot of attention from readers - you need to find a way to write that hasn't been done a lot, wording and such

but i liked this.. nice piece

Thanx for the feedback.