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mad=man!....srry i slipped!!
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This wasnt bad .. flow came off on a couple of occasions and
threw me slightly .. imagery was decent, writers voice wasnt as strong as id of liked it to of been. Really grasp hold of what you want to say and then go from there .. work with it .. don't sacrifice the content for a lack of rhyming words .. if you can't get one to fit - try rewording it or re-phrasing the sentence .. cause thats what i felt held you back with this piece, wording. Also .. you seemed to stick to the same rhyming pattern, i'd of liked you to switch up up occasionally, just something to .. keep the reader interested .. hold their attention more .. like i said, the flow to this wasn't bad, but with more multi's and a few internals, you could liven this piece up easily .. all in all it wasn't bad though, a decent read .. a nice topic to drop to actually .. although, i hated all the ^^ and stuff, dont do that in open mics man .. its pointless. Even in text it seems stupid, haha .. nice meaning beyond it though, even though you did come across scrooge like at the end. = ) Woah .. long reply. My bad. Reply to my RSTL sheiiiiiiiiiiit .. Pz |
Damn Cam... That Is The Best Reply I've Ever Gotten...
I Will Work On It |
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Quote:
i agree with that |
it was hot dog.. yo i felt it
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Yo man that was tight,
excellent wordplay, superb flow and the reflection on society! now that was smart, man i'm religious and i thought i new it all and fogot the real meaning of christmas. Damn keep it up overall piece it's gotta be 10/10 |
Nyce drop man.. i feel wot your sayin'
but.. Christmas gets worse as you get older and less about the material stuff ya kno, shit i dont even ask for nothin no more...i just like seein my fam. plus i aint even close to believin in Jesus, is the real reason for christmas really real ?? its tru that Christmas is gettin outta hand though... peace |
Damn 'Volve ... Dope ass concept ... The title fit this verse dopely ... I was vibin' wit it already when I read the title ... LoL ... So much truth was said in here man ... So much stuff that most people try to turn away from believin' in and such ... And it's so true that soooo many people don't know why we even have christmas anymore ... Kinda similar to Easter ... Nah mean? And it's dope to see someone write about it ... So U get props off the jump for that alone ... Now onto the literal aspect of the piece ... I felt U did a dope job writin' this ... Could see that thought and time and feelings were put into it ... Every line went well wit this piece ... I thought the flow of it as a whole was pretty much on lock ... Didn't really find it fallin' off because of the multi's that U used ... There were many quotables tossed in here ... But ... I always have my favorite ...
"who gave us the rite to replace Christ w/ a tree & lights" When I seen that I was like damn ... Amazin' ... Not so much cuz it was unexpected but because of how true it is ... Dope drop here man in all aspects ... Dope meanin' behind it ... Keep doin' your thing ... Not much else I can say ... Peace |
Nice Nice piece...Like Cam had said, your flow fell off in a few places, the verse seemed to lose alot of interest. You had a unique topic toward Christmas, and what it is about, but if you used different vocabulary and some different wording to maybe improve on the imagery, this would've been a great piece. To me, that is what held it back, all your basics were there, but you seemed to lose my interest and you seemed to lose focus of the topic. Remember that you can't lose the big picture of the topic, by throwing in a few words to rhyme, because then that takes off the piece. Good Drop.
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Appreciate The Feedback
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Great meaning Evolve..
Everything I've said about Christmas was in this piece.. Your vocab could have been enhanced a little bit with more complexity, but it flowed pretty well... Nice multis and good work mixing your emotions into the piece... Overall I give it 8/10.. Nice piece Evolve.. |
Thanks... Appreciated Man
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was a good piece structure was good flow was good wordplay ight vocab good punches ok multis ok over all 6/10
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WOW ... Coming From You ^^^ That Means ALOT
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