i kinda dis-agree wiv alot of wat u said... if u knew me and wat i sound like normally... my personality shows very well in my delivery(btw my vocals arent too low u need new speakers... i edit my tracks usin monitors).. also i KNOW its nout bout landin da snare i been tellin dat for tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime now... also my rhyme scheme changes up onlikeatleast 3 different occasions in each verse.. and i am confident as a person and as an MC... if u was to listen to me before my confidence boost... ud realise wat i am confident... im a cocky lil fucker by nature its just me its my personality... it mite not come out wit my voice... but i dont vgot da voice to carry da cocky style.... so i try puttin abit of cockyness into it wiv my also joky personality aswell...... but seriously i vguess u need to know wat im really like in order to realise truth bout my presence etc o n btw... i never read lyrics.. i practice a week before recordin unless its a battle or suttin like dat

^what I didn't even peep your track yet.. that was to ILL! look at the title on the post.

LMAOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://outspoken.dmusic.com/
just the song let me hold you :thumbup:

I dont think you know me but if you want please check out my new songs.....

www.soundclick.com/intermental

check Aisha, Hocus Pocus, Forgive me, the others are whack

I basically started a week or two ago....

thanks,

Intermental

oo sorry... well it said your sample.. and basically wat i asked u to peeps is a sample so u know lol sorry :( *walks out feelin stupid*

^that shit ain't funny.. everybody tweekin. some people can't read my first post properly.. others reading only what they want to. Others tryna make a point and be smart asses. Leady i kno u might be tired and what not, but people pokin nerves and IMing the shit outta me about this. Just post in here for a breakdown.. ~_~

^^wait...so someone Im'ed u cuz they didn't like ur critique?

lol


this is funny as hell


LF...looks like u opened up a can of worms

like i said... sorry it was a mistake lol wat u want me to say???? and i wasnt tryna attack u... i didnt realise u was puttin da name in da post title(i actually NEVER look at post titles cos nobody ever uses em... well barely anyway) so it is an easy mistake to make....

not because they didn't like the critique but because they want me to peep it over aol messenger and shit. They might as well post here like everyone else, I'm not gonna put somebody over the ones that posted here originally..

I don't have a problem with anybody giving me bad-mouth back. They shouldn't post if they don't want the truth according to me. So eh.. whateva.. and Boys boys, stop posting the same audio link twice i seen it on the 2nd page already OutSpoken.

Black~Magik
Tha Q
Invektive

-----In the next two hours, I'll post up all three of y'alls.-----
Leady
Outspoken
Intermental

Three of you are after the first three. I'mma take a break then holla back. :thumbup:

-EDIT: I got somewhere to go in a few hours. I'll get to them asap. But I'm bout to go soak in the tub.

sounds like a ghost writer to me..........

But do me!1

can I go in wit you:hump:

Lyrics....
"how you doubt that i'm spittin the heat
when i can get a standing ovation from Christopher Reeves.."
You don't have super-dictionary words which I'm glad. You have pretty good lyrics. I'm feeling the metaphors. You even tried to pull out some multis, nice shit. And inner rhymes are present, good combination. I'm feelin’ you lyrically.

Voice/Presence...
You started off like you were gonna murder the track with your voice.. But you tend to go in and out on this one. So work on your presence a little. And your quality is not so hot just decent. You sound good over this beat, great choice.

Emotion/Delivery...
The chorus had the best emotion outta this track. Which is good, BUT you have to have a good distribution between the verses as well. Seems like you had the last verse down well. You gotta have the others just as dramatic. You need dubs for this…

Flow...
Your flow is pretty straight. Only a few times you fell off... those were the times your voice faded out. Memorize your verses. I believe if you were to record this again right now. You'd prolly have a better outcome than your original recording.




Lyrics....
This type of track where you could get away with ‘Dr. Seuss lyrics’. You had some multis here and there which was nice.. But don’t sacrifice your flow by tryna fit in too many multis. Multis are supposed to make your flow more smooth, NOT the other way around. If something don’t sound right off the bat, then reword it or replace it with something that sounds better when you say it out loud. Also, the intro… after you say “This is Dedicated to …. My future wife, I love you” stop talkin.. Let the beat play into your first verse… you can keep the “yo” right before.. But everything in between, drop it out.

Voice/Presence...
You have a better presence in this song then the previous one. You really need to fix your quality. It’s really bothering my ears. You might be too close to the mic.

Emotion/Delivery...
I seen that you were really feeling this track. You put your heart in this track. Start recording dubs… it will make you should better, especially since you have multis present… it will sound great.

Flow...
You flow was off on this track. You attempted to slow down the first few bars of the first verse, but you ended up speeding up the rest of the way to hit the snares. DON’T do that. IF you gonna slow down do it smoothly, then if you do want to transition back to rapping fast then speed up gradually.




Lyrics....
Good lyrics. Story-telling. You have an effective hook, very catchy. There are a few spots where you rushed so fast that I missed what you said, you still continue to manipulate multis and pick some wise inner rhymes, you went creative and that‘s what people like to hear… “didn’t have remorse when his mother couldn’t use a rubber.. And didn’t choose to have an abortion..’’

Voice/Presence...
Your voice sounds really smooth on this track. You sound like WhiteBoi from Chicago. You got that mad-serious, gangsta commercial voice..

Emotion/Delivery...
Emotion is amazing on this track. This is what people would love to hear. You putting your all into it. Your adlibs are wayyyyyy better than the last two tracks. Try to record your dubs to match your main verse a little better. Cuz they are off on a few spots.

Flow...
Your flow is great. You have a few lines where you rushed, but all in all.. You controlling the flow of the beat instead of letting the beat control your flow. Good job.

**This is a track I would look forward to hearing on the radio. You shocked me with this one. You just have to polish this up some.




Lyrics....
Not as good as your previous one.. But pretty decent. You have a great imagery in your track. 3rd verse happened to be my favorite lyrically.. You went from aight, better, to way better from verse 1-3.. I’m feeling the words your said. Rhyme scheme is unique…

Voice/Presence...
Presence is getting better every track. Glad to see that happening.. One thing you should work on with this track; however, is clarity..

Emotion/Delivery...
Pretty good.. Similar to the last track. Put some dubs in here! This is the “This is Me” track for you.

Flow...
Your flow is prolly the best on this track than any other track. You tend to rush a little on some lines, but they actually follow up with the beat most the time.


From the first track, “Can’t Touch This” all the way to “If Life’s a Song” I seen large amounts of elevating in your mic presence as well as your delivery. You need to polish up your flow, and concentrate on clarity. Especially for parts where you rap faster than others. But you really winning me over with your style and your lyrical content is just fine as is. I look forward to seeing you working on those things. ADD DUBS!<<I stress that and couldn’t stress it more. You are on the level of some “vets” on this site, you just don’t have your stuff polished the way it should.. Your quality is getting better each track as well, I must add. I’m looking forward to seeing you work on these things and become one of the best audio heads. Keep pushing yourself.

Lyrics....
You have a good use of inner rhymes, you get creative with it and it‘s unique from anyone else… if you added mass amounts of multis to the inner rhymes you have then you’d be complete. Seem like you were just talkin bout random things in your verse. No real story line to it, which is fine. Because you actually pulled it off as a glorification verse. Not bad.

Voice/Presence...
Your presence is fine. You have a good voice that anybody would listen to.. Your voice combined with your “you gonna listen to me bitch” delivery is what stands out. Sound like you all over the mic. That’s good and shows you got a lotta experience. And you ride the beat easily.

Emotion/Delivery...
You delivery is very similar to Biggie. Only thing that gets annoying is if you sound like this the entire way through. That’s how people could get bored by listening to your music; however, when you started rapping faster you put more feeling into your lines. That’s the type of shit I was talkin bout before. You made me wanna get out my seat on that part and be like damn. All the intensity built up at that point Some of your adlibs is what got on my nerves. Some were unnecessary.

Flow...
This is what I like about your tracks… you don’t stick the same flow the entire time. You are far from predictable when it comes to flow. When you spit fast as hell, the song went to a whole new level. And your transition from rapping slow to fast to slow again was smooth.


Your presence is hot as is. Lyrics can always be upped but for this type of track, I wouldn’t recommend it. Flow is not something you should worry about, instead work on using your delivery to showcase your lyrics better. As you did in the part where you were flowing fast. You want people to be like AWW shit, lemme rewind that. That was tight right there. Even though this a slow song, you have the potential to make people bounce to this type of shit. I want to see that from you some time soon.

Lady...preciate da feed

and yea...Biggie is my study guide...if u wanna elevate, why not learn from someone who many consider one of the best


neway...



thanx

word...uppin this...since im next...BE HARSH FOO!

http://www.soundclick.com/artist/8/...sopha_music.htm

:)

Ike aka Invektive
 

Lyrics…
You have a common rhyme scheme.. It’s decent, but I’d like to hear some more complex set ups.. This verse is basically dedicated to legends and I heard you shouting out some artists and their album names. Your vocab is pretty decent. No argument there. You didn’t go overboard on it, thank God. If you gonna use large words, just make them run smoothly in your verse.

Voice/Presence
You have an attractive voice. Presence is there, no doubt. Quality is great. Sound like you have your vocals a little to high over the beat tho, just a little.

Emotion/Delivery…
Your delivery is really good… As well as your emotion, BUT you trying a little hard to sound gully… Don’t do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Emotion is good but too much of something can be harmful. Your voice is already strong as is. Don’t overdo it!

Flow…
Don’t hold your last words to your lines so long to hit the snare. Just let the words go and follow behind each other naturally. Your lines are somewhat choppy in this verse but once you knock out some minor kinks it should be a little better.



Lyrics…
One of your strong points is the fact the imagery you have in your story. Lyrics for this track sound fine. You can get away with Dr. Suess lyrics on this one. Because your imagery stands out with the simple lyrics more than anything complex. You have some nice multis here and there. You rhyme scheme is pretty technical. It sounds un-natural and could get boring. Switch up your rhyme scheme a little better.

Voice/Presence
Presence is pretty good on this track, not as good as the other but it’s straight. And it sounds decent on this beat. Your acapella stands on top of the beat more in this song. Turn it (volume) down a little.

Emotion/Delivery…
The parts that require the more emotion are the parts that are missing it. *Slaps You!* You did a good job as the Guy yelling… But you can’t distinguish the storytelling from the characters well. You pretty much yelled the whole time offside from the chorus. Don’t force your words so much.

Flow…
You flow could be a little better… part of it sounded like you were just talking. And you would just stop and pause for a long time in the middle of your verse. Maybe you can put a few fill-in words.. Like yeah, so, then; so you can make it sound more connected.



Lyrics…
The best storyline I heard from you. You are a great writer. You used more complex multis. I like that, now you have to polish up your flow… The chorus was creative.. You gradually growing on me lyrically. Your rhyme scheme is getting less predictable, which is great.

Voice/Presence
Nice beat for the storyline and your voice. Your presence on your chorus is lower than the regular verse. *The part where you saying, “I swear I get the picture now, etc.”* It don't sound right, being so low.

Emotion/Delivery…
You controlled your delivery better.. You weren’t shouting the whole time. You used the right parts to distribute your emotion. You can work at this a little more, but it’s decent for this song. I’m feeling your chorus but the emotion can be a little better. Add some adlibs, I think that would work well for you.

Flow…
Your flow’s better on this track than the other two before. You still got it chopped up somewhat, but it sounds better as a whole.


Your flow is the prolly gonna be the first thing you should work on. It’s hard because you have the right lyrics put your flow don’t run parallel with it. I recommend you add some filler words like.. Yeah, so, then, etc. because you just stop at certain parts where it sounds like you should keep going (as I stated before). Then add some adlibs because you got the imagery already and your delivery is fine for the most part, sometimes forced.. When you feel you need to get louder or you want some meaning to stand out more, use adlibs. Because your voice is really strong as is and overdoing your delivery is the last thing you want to do with it. Just work on flow and not straining your voice for delivery.

Lyrics…
Your lyrics are what I’m not too fond of… at least for the first verse. The second verse you stepped it up. Add a few complex multis.

Voice/Presence
Your voice sounds good over this. I love your energy. Your presence is great. You sound like you do live performances or used to spitting on the mic.

Emotion/Delivery…
You have a really good delivery. I have nothing to say about it. It’s pretty damn good.

Flow…
Your flow is fine. Work on clarity a little bit. For the majority, you clear.. Some parts I’m like >> :huh:


You don’t have much to worry about but your lyrics. I’d say just up your lyrics some, especially the first verse… and switch up your rhyme scheme a little. Other than that, I wouldn’t recommend you change anything else.

Outspoken
 

Lyrics…
Your lyrics are pretty basic. For this type of song , it’s expected. Your lyrics are somewhat predictable. Get out of the habit of using common words to end your lines unless you pair them into complex multis. Far/heart … again/friends… No make some multis in your lines. It’ll sound better.

Voice/Presence
Your presence is decent. You need to get more comfortable on the mic. This will come through practice and over time.. The more tracks you make and the bars you memorize from each will help as well..

Emotion/Delivery…
Your delivery is aight for a love song. Sound like you could have been reading a few lines. Memorize your lines before you spit them, it sounds much better. Also your quality is bad. Not just for your mic. But you are putting the actual song over the instrumental for the chorus. Do NOT do that. Search for the accapella then match the chorus portion to the instrumental and mix then down. THEN spit over that. Don’t layer the track like that it don’t sound right. Also with the effects, stop putting that loud ecko at the end of your verses. It sounds really bad. What you should do is record dubs.. This is how it’s done. There’s different ways to do it, but this is what works for me: Record your regular verse, first. Then grab a pair of headphones and playback your verse and spit the dubs (the rhyming portions, normally towards the end of your bars). Then play it back WITH the verse you spit and if they match-up and sound similar, then mix them down.

Flow…
Your flow is all over the place. Stop rushing so much. At some parts you rap real, real slow then you go Twista speed outta no where. Then Slow down and speed up again. But it’s not a smooth transition. You should work at rapping at a steady pace before you attempt going from one way to another.


You have a lot to work on, but I recommend you start with lyrics. You tryna concentrate more on flow but it’s all over the place because your rhyme scheme is bad... One thing I suggest is that you write bars and match the syllable count for them. This is only temporary, but when you get the hang of it, then you can be versatile and make better transitions to rapping fast, then slow again. But for now do the syllable count method. If you got questions on how to do that, then hit me up on AIM if you wish. For mixing, if you want, I can mix your tracks for you. You add a lotta unnecessary stuff to your track.
Make the syllables match up and practice saying it, you’ll see it sounds more smooth. If you don’t match them up identically it don’t matter. Let’s say you have 12 syl on the first one and 13 on the next, it’s alright! Another reason I did this example is to show you what I meant by multis… Yeah the example is not so great but it’s similar to one I gave SPuL… “monopoly” and “no pot fo’ me” are what stands out in this one. The more syllables matched the better the sound on the beat. The first half not as great but “playin games” and “space in pain” is another example. I decided to keep them in two lines than write four separate lines. But you get the point hopefully. Inner rhymes are equivalent sounds, some people mistake them for multis but they lie within the bars (hence the name inner rhymes). But don’t worry bout those, most likely, you’ll end up doing them without recognizing. But try that way, just to see if it works for you. :thumbup:

...........:(...

Yo ma im next rite?

Intermental
 

Lyrics…
*Punches you for using this beat. I love this beat.*
Lyrically, this was too short for me to really mention any flaws and phrases that stand out. But what from what’s here, you had attempted punch-lines in here.. Your storyline is decent. Sounds like the typical

Voice/Presence
You sound mad young. Your voice alone isn’t very strong. Your presence is similar to one who has just started picking up a mic. You have to get comfortable on the mic. It will come in due time. Silence the beginning of your vocals and the end. The part where you hear the mic shuffling.

Emotion/Delivery…
This is your weakness. You have potential.. But at this point, if someone listened to this track.. They’d be like Does He Mean What He Say? If I was asked that question. I’d say no. Your voice doesn’t have heavy bass in it. Which is no problem (I am the exact same way). You have to put yourself in a whole different mental state. Think about a moment where you got straight pissed at someone or got into a fight. A moment where you were feeling an adrenaline rush. And use your words as if you were fighting. This don’t mean yell, just put more feeling into it.

Flow…
Your flow is decent from the beginning. But then you start losing the beat. If you tryna hit the snares, than stick to doing that. Because when you go off, you tend to lose your common spot. Then you start hitting snares every once in a while. You have to reconstruct your lines. Make them so they match up a little better.



Lyrics…
Your rhyme scheme is even simpler than the previous track. Bad thing. You only have one verse on here… it sounds more like a spoken word than a rap verse. You have imagery in the last verse. But it’s REALLY basic. Clearly basic.

Voice/Presence
Your presence is a little better. Work on clarity. You want people to hear every word you say.

Emotion/Delivery…
This type of track is straight laid back. So I wasn’t expecting much from this. What you brought to it was decent. You had a little bit more emotion in here than in your first track. Maybe because it’s a love song. But who knows… I want you to feel like you in front of that girl you talking bout and pour your heart into your words and bring out how you feel a whole lot better, than you did.

Flow…
Your flow is a tad better. But you need to work on it a little more. You followed the beat a little better. But I still suggest you follow what I said in the previous song.



Lyrics…
Your lyrics are still basic. This is something you really gonna have to work on. No multis, no nothing. Just regular rhyme and a few inner rhymes.. You gonna have to step that up, playa.

Voice/Presence
You have a better presence. Still not comfortable and stable on the mic, but you getting better. I can see the difference.

Emotion/Delivery…
You add adlibs, Dubs were off in some places. That is annoying, make sure they line up better. Your delivery was pretty good on this track. It was a huge step from the last two tracks.

Flow…
Way better than the previous. But you gotta polish it a little better. You went choppy in some areas.


Your latest track proved you working on your flow. Glad to see that, but keep working at it. You need it to be as smooth and less choppy as you can get it. You need to work on your lyrics and rhyme scheme, this should be your main concern. Your presence is getting better by the track as well as delivery. Dubs are useful when used correctly. Try to keep your dubs lined up better with your original verse. I’m glad to hear you experimenting with adlibs, it made your latest track sound more ‘live’ than usual. I hope this is helpful to you.

This is ordered in a first come, first serve basis. As I mentioned earlier in the thread. Next on the list is

FuxJustaWord
Scruff

Both will be posted either later tonight or tomorrow.. :thumbup:

Upping for any others... ;)

Good looks lady...I appreciate it.

BTW, ur sexy :hump:

ohhhhhh well, i dont have any good songs on my SC really, lol, but u can look at that still i guess :(

thanks lady fiya appreciate it... yea i do perform live ALOT lol... lyrics i talk bout stuff really only UK ppl will relate to n dis particular track really wasnt about lyricism it was more about enjoyin myself n basically bein able to get ppl in da mood for vgoin wild lol... mad respect on da breakdown.. appreciate it

Do YOU Want an audio brake down lady fiya?

Here.....

Ya vocals are okay, dont stand out enough, If i had too compare your vocals too somthin tho, It would be a scared little mouse......Maybe you should take singin lessons an become a ciara type diva?

hmmm, anyway, ya lyrical content is aight, Kinda benefitted from all ya text experience, but ya voice doesnt match ya flow, an until you can come out your shell an make your vocals stand out on tracks, you'll remain an average audio artist.

Aight, Shittaboi...
-Number 1, it's *breakdown not Brake down*.. if I wanted feedback on my lastest songs of which I didn't post, don't you think I woulda posted them first..... Seeing that I would rather help others in the same way I helped myself, I thought this was a good thing. Once someone tries to do something nice, there's always gonna be one or two people conflicting it. Why? Because you have to reconstruct your wack ass crew and thought this was a better place to recruit? Ok. I won't stand in the way of your 'business'.

Number 2, what 5 latest tracks are you basing your "theory" off of if I didn't post them yet. *crickets*

Number 3, I'm glad you "attempting" to follow my trend, how cute.. "Let's Do what Fiya does in her own thread!" Thanx you and glad I'm inspiring you to follow my ways... Oh yeah, lol...

Number 4, weren't you the one begging me in a pm to go to Raw Reality, saying you wanna squash the beef and think I'd be a great AUDIO asset? I guess then you were basing that off my 5 latest audios too, right? *cricket* And don't lie. I'll take the screenshot of that pm and post it. If you bitter just make a beef thread, don't clog this one up.

By the way, Black~Magik you are welcome... and leady and all who took this as another opinion and saw that I was trying to help. Oh and even those who make pointless comments in the thread to "up" it. Thank you, I appreciate the support.

Anybody else got a problem with me making this thread? If it's too much to bear or some shit let me know, I'm not going any further as of now. So thank all the negative comments tryna pull down a thread that's supposed to help people. Just thought this thread was to help y'all get better feedback than those similar to the post above me.

well i vguess dis just proves i am under-rated and slept on judgin from ur breakdown lol ive allways said it but ya know ppl like to mhate and ride particular people brap brap... if u ever post summin new up lemme know i wudnt mind takin a listen

L u need to use msn more often i cnt use AIM at all :(

Hey suga do me....(Sexual healing)..lol

*physically...*



Aight i got next..... :thumbup:

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Thanks alot this helped me alot....i appreciate the time u took to tell me this

I need an audio tip....what's the name of the program you need?

adobe audition... dnt listen any wack twat dat says cool edit.. cool edit is old and out-dated... use adobe audition(newest version of cool edit basically) or even better.. use cubase or summin like dat... but adobe audition is probs easier to pick up